Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavant

The line chart illustrates the number of male and female students who graduated in a Canadian university between the year 1992 to 2007.
Overall, the two lines all rose throughout the 15 years. However, there was a disparity in the two genders.
Looking first at the female chart, there is nearly 100000 students graduated, while male graduation just reached 70000 in 1992. Thus, these two lines went down in 1995 and then had a dramatically went up by the year 2007. In that year, the female approximately reached 150000 students and the male rate was over 90000.
Generally, the rise in numbers was not steady and the gap widened over the period. Clearly, after the year 2000, the growth rate of them was strongest although at the 1900s, they are still dropped.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the two lines all rose" -> "both lines exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "the two lines all rose" lacks precision and sounds informal. "Both lines exhibited an upward trend" is more formal and accurately describes the increase in numbers.
"there was a disparity in the two genders" -> "a disparity existed between the two genders"
Explanation: "in the two genders" is awkward phrasing. "Between the two genders" is more idiomatic. Additionally, "existed" is a more formal alternative to "was."
"there is nearly 100000 students graduated" -> "there were nearly 100,000 graduates"
Explanation: "there is nearly 100000 students graduated" is grammatically incorrect. "There were nearly 100,000 graduates" is grammatically accurate and clearer.
"male graduation just reached 70000" -> "the number of male graduates barely reached 70,000"
Explanation: "male graduation" is not the appropriate term. "Number of male graduates" is more precise. Additionally, "just reached" lacks emphasis. "Barely reached" conveys the idea of a close margin more effectively.
"Thus, these two lines went down in 1995 and then had a dramatically went up by the year 2007." -> "Consequently, both lines experienced a decline in 1995 followed by a substantial increase by 2007."
Explanation: "had a dramatically went up" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Experienced a decline" and "substantial increase" are more precise and formal expressions.
"In that year, the female approximately reached 150000 students" -> "In that year, the number of female students reached approximately 150,000"
Explanation: "the female approximately reached 150000 students" is awkward phrasing. "The number of female students reached approximately 150,000" is clearer and more formal.
"the male rate was over 90000" -> "the number of male graduates exceeded 90,000"
Explanation: "the male rate" is not precise. "The number of male graduates" provides a clearer description. Additionally, "exceeded" is a more formal alternative to "was over."
"the rise in numbers was not steady" -> "the increase in numbers was inconsistent"
Explanation: "was not steady" is vague. "Inconsistent" provides a clearer description of the fluctuation in numbers.
"the growth rate of them was strongest although at the 1900s" -> "the growth rate was strongest in the 2000s"
Explanation: "the growth rate of them" is unclear. "The growth rate" is more concise. Additionally, "although at the 1900s" is incorrect. "In the 2000s" accurately specifies the time period.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay meets the criteria for Band 6 in the Task Achievement section of the IELTS Task 1 assessment. The essay addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the trend observed in the line chart concerning the number of male and female graduates over a specified period. An overview is provided, indicating the general trend of rising graduate numbers and noting the disparity between genders. However, the response includes inaccuracies and irrelevant details which detract from the clarity and accuracy of the report. For instance, the essay mentions a decrease in numbers around 1995 which is not clearly supported by data, and the years are inconsistently referred to (e.g., "1900s" instead of "1990s").

How to improve:
To enhance the score towards a Band 7 or higher, ensure that all information presented is accurate and directly relevant to the data provided. Avoid imprecise or incorrect temporal references that can confuse the reader. Additionally, strive to present a clear, structured overview without introducing hypothetical or speculative statements. Focus on a logical progression of ideas and consistent use of data to support each point made about the chart. Refining the choice of words for clarity and precision will also help in presenting a more polished and fully developed response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, providing a clear overview of the data presented in the line chart. There is a general progression in the essay, starting with an introduction and moving to a discussion of the data trends over the specified period. Cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas, although there are some instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences, leading to occasional clarity issues. Paragraphing is used, but there are lapses in logical organization within paragraphs.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on maintaining consistent cohesion throughout the essay. Ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and logical, avoiding any instances of faulty cohesion. Additionally, pay closer attention to the logical organization within paragraphs to enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay utilizes a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, often relying on basic vocabulary and repetitive phrasing. While there is an attempt to convey information using appropriate vocabulary related to the task, the language used lacks sophistication and precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied lexical items. Avoid repetitive language and strive for clarity and accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and aim for more complex and varied expressions to convey ideas effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of structures, including simple and complex sentences. There are some attempts at complex sentences, but they tend to be less accurate than simple sentences. Grammatical errors are frequent, and punctuation is faulty, which can cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on enhancing sentence structures with more complexity while ensuring accuracy. Pay close attention to grammar rules and punctuation to minimize errors. Reviewing sentence construction and practicing writing with a wider range of structures can help achieve better accuracy and fluency. Additionally, proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help catch and correct errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line chart delineates the progression of male and female graduates from a Canadian university spanning the years 1992 to 2007.

In general, both lines depict an upward trajectory over the 15-year period, albeit with notable disparities between the genders. Initially, in 1992, the number of female graduates was nearly 100,000, while male graduates numbered just around 70,000. Subsequently, both figures experienced a decline in 1995 before experiencing a significant surge leading up to 2007. By the conclusion of the period, female graduates had reached approximately 150,000, whereas male graduates surpassed 90,000.

The trend reveals an irregular ascent in numbers, with the gap between male and female graduates widening over time. Notably, post-2000 saw the most pronounced growth rates, despite fluctuations evident in the 1990s.