Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons
where relevant
The given bar chart and line graph give information about how many students from a specific university select different subjects in 2012.
Overall, management was the course with the highest number of students and also led all subjects in the number of female individuals. On the other hand, while agriculture had the lowest total number of students attended, engineer was the most popular course for male students.
Initially, management took the lead in term of total number of students with around 6000 people joined, which included 4000 females and 2000 males in 2012. Secondly, engineer had the highest number of male students at approximately 2800 boys and more than 1000 girls which alsohelp this course took the second place in total number of students with only 2000 individuals less than management. Next, health contained 2000 students in total with around 1300 male and 700 female.
Agriculture was the least popular subject in this university with only around 100 students combined which was divided into 50% male and 50% female. Lastly, math and art almost shared the same total number of students at 1000 and 900 students, respectively. Math had 500 male students which is nearly doubled the number of males in art course while both subjects had the same number of female students in that year.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the given bar chart and line graph" > "the provided bar chart and line graph"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given," which is somewhat casual and less specific in an academic context. 
"select different subjects" > "enroll in various subjects"
Explanation: "Enroll in" is a more precise term in academic contexts, indicating formal educational participation, whereas "select" can imply a more casual choice. 
"the course with the highest number of students" > "the course with the largest enrollment"
Explanation: "Largest enrollment" is a more specific and formal way to describe the number of students in a course. 
"led all subjects in the number of female individuals" > "outnumbered all other subjects in terms of female enrollment"
Explanation: "Outnumbered" is more precise and formal, and "enrollment" is the correct term for the number of students in a course. 
"while agriculture had the lowest total number of students attended" > "while agriculture had the lowest overall enrollment"
Explanation: "Overall enrollment" is more specific and formal than "total number of students attended," which is awkwardly phrased. 
"engineer was the most popular course for male students" > "engineering was the most popular field among male students"
Explanation: "Field" is more specific and academically appropriate than "course" for describing a broad area of study like engineering. 
"in term of total number of students" > "in terms of total enrollment"
Explanation: "In terms of" is the correct idiomatic expression, and "enrollment" is the correct term for the context. 
"more than 1000 girls which alsohelp this course took the second place" > "more than 1,000 females, which also helped this course to take second place"
Explanation: "Females" is more formal than "girls," and the correction of "helped this course took" to "helped this course to take" fixes grammatical errors and improves clarity. 
"contained 2000 students in total with around 1300 male and 700 female" > "enrolled approximately 2,000 students, with around 1,300 males and 700 females"
Explanation: "Enrolled" is more precise than "contained," and using numbers with commas improves readability. 
"was the least popular subject" > "was the least popular field"
Explanation: "Field" is more appropriate than "subject" when referring to a broad area of study like agriculture. 
"almost shared the same total number of students" > "nearly had the same total enrollment"
Explanation: "Nearly" is a more formal adverb than "almost," and "enrollment" is the correct term for the context. 
"Math had 500 male students which is nearly doubled the number of males in art course" > "Math had approximately 500 male students, nearly double the number of males in the art course"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "nearly," and the addition of "the" before "art course" corrects the possessive form.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the information presented in the charts, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay presents some key features and comparisons, but it does not adequately highlight all the key features. For example, the essay mentions that management had the highest number of students, but it does not mention that it also had the highest number of female students. The essay also mentions that agriculture had the lowest total number of students, but it does not mention that it had an equal number of male and female students.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the information presented in the charts. The essay should also highlight all the key features and comparisons, and it should provide more specific details to support its claims. For example, the essay could mention that management had the highest number of students, and it could also mention that it had the highest number of female students. The essay could also mention that agriculture had the lowest total number of students, and it could also mention that it had an equal number of male and female students.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting an overall progression in the description of the data. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear. For example, phrases like "which alsohelp this course took the second place" contain grammatical errors that disrupt the flow. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between subjects could be smoother to enhance clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the clarity and variety of cohesive devices used. This includes ensuring that transitions between ideas are seamless and logical. Additionally, refining grammatical accuracy and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will enhance coherence. Finally, more attention should be paid to the logical arrangement of information, ensuring that comparisons and contrasts are clearly articulated.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the course with the highest number of students" and "the least popular subject." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "engineer" instead of "engineering," and "which alsohelp" instead of "which also helped." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring that less common lexical items are used accurately. Additionally, attention should be paid to spelling and word formation to avoid errors that may confuse the reader. Practicing synonyms and collocations relevant to academic writing can also help improve the sophistication of the vocabulary used.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey the information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder communication. For example, phrases like "the number of female individuals" could be simplified to "the number of female students," and "which alsohelp this course took the second place" contains a typographical error and awkward structure. Overall, the essay shows some control over grammar and punctuation, but the errors present do affect clarity at times.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures used. This can be done by practicing complex sentence constructions and ensuring that all sentences are free from errors. Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors and awkward phrasing will help improve overall clarity and coherence. Engaging with a wider variety of grammatical structures and ensuring that the majority of sentences are errorfree will also contribute to a higher score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The given bar chart and line graph provide information about how many students from a specific university selected different subjects in 2012.
Overall, management was the course with the highest number of students and also led all subjects in the number of female individuals. On the other hand, while agriculture had the lowest total number of students, engineering was the most popular course for male students.
Initially, management took the lead in terms of the total number of students, with around 6,000 people enrolled, which included 4,000 females and 2,000 males in 2012. Secondly, engineering had the highest number of male students at approximately 2,800 boys and more than 1,000 girls, which also helped this course secure second place in total student numbers, with only 2,000 individuals fewer than management. Next, health comprised 2,000 students in total, with around 1,300 males and 700 females.
Agriculture was the least popular subject at this university, with only around 100 students combined, which was evenly divided between males and females. Lastly, math and art nearly shared the same total number of students, at 1,000 and 900 students, respectively. Math had 500 male students, which is nearly double the number of males in the art course, while both subjects had the same number of female students that year.
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