Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two given line graphs demonstrate the proportion of household electrial devices namely washing machine, refrigerator, vacuum cleaner and the statis of hours spent on housework every week in the period of 89 years from 1920 to 2019.

Overall, there was an increase in the figures of household appliances using electric power. Specifically, the washing machine figure was generally the highest, despite being surpassed by the other categories in first 20 years. As the time-saving devices was introduced, people spent less time on doing housework in the period examined.

With regard to the first line graph, there was no refrigerator in 1920, while the proprtion of vacuum cleaner started at 30 percent in the same year. After that, the two figures witnessed a remarkable climb and reached their peaks at 100% in 2000. By contrast, a gradual increase was seen in the percentage of washing machine household owners, which was ending at 75% in 2019.

As can be seen from the second graph, there was a remarkable decline in time spent on household chores, from 50 hours per week to 20 hours in 1960. After that, the figures continued to go down with gradual trend, falling to 10% in 2019, which can be explained by the assistence from three modern devices mentioned above.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"electrial" -> "electrical"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "electrial" to "electrical" ensures the accuracy of the description of household devices.
"statis" -> "status"
Explanation: Replacing "statis" with "status" corrects the spelling error and maintains clarity in conveying the status of hours spent on housework.
"figures of household appliances" -> "usage of household appliances"
Explanation: Changing "figures of household appliances" to "usage of household appliances" improves clarity by specifying that the discussion pertains to the usage rather than numerical data.
"time-saving devices was" -> "time-saving devices were"
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement error by changing "was" to "were" ensures grammatical correctness.
"proprtion" -> "proportion"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "proprtion" to "proportion" ensures accuracy and clarity in describing the percentage of household devices.
"remarkable climb" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: Replacing "remarkable climb" with "significant increase" maintains formality and precision in describing the rise in the proportion of household devices.
"ending at 75%" -> "peaking at 75%"
Explanation: Changing "ending at 75%" to "peaking at 75%" accurately describes the maximum point reached by the percentage of washing machine household owners.
"decline in time spent" -> "decrease in time allocated"
Explanation: Substituting "decline in time spent" with "decrease in time allocated" provides a more formal and precise description of the reduction in time spent on household chores.
"with gradual trend" -> "following a gradual trend"
Explanation: Replacing "with gradual trend" with "following a gradual trend" improves the flow of the sentence and maintains clarity in describing the trend of decreasing time spent on household chores.
"assistence" -> "assistance"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "assistence" to "assistance" ensures accuracy in describing the help provided by modern devices.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task, presenting an overview and highlighting key features from both line graphs. It includes some details on the trends and comparisons, such as the increase in household electrical appliances and the decrease in time spent on housework. However, there are some inaccuracies in the interpretation of data, such as the mention of washing machine being the highest (it was not), and some inconsistencies in the descriptions (the second graph shows hours, not a percentage). While there is a general overview, the key features are not always presented with clarity, and the structure could be improved for better organization.

How to improve: To reach a higher band score, the essay could ensure greater accuracy and clarity in describing the trends and key features. Providing a more coherent overview with fewer inconsistencies and errors would enhance the Task Achievement. Additionally, clearer comparisons and a more logical flow of information would help to achieve a higher band score.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization of information and ideas with a discernible progression throughout, which aligns well with the Band 7 descriptor. It begins with a general overview, provides specifics about the trends observed in the line graphs, and compares data points effectively. The essay uses cohesive devices like "Overall," "Specifically," "With regard to," and "As can be seen," which help in linking the content cohesively. Each paragraph has a clear central topic that maintains coherence.

However, there are minor issues with under-use and slightly mechanical cohesion. For instance, the transition between the description of the two graphs could be smoother to enhance the logical flow of information. Additionally, while the paragraphing is clear, the conclusion could be strengthened to summarise the data more effectively, which is a slight deviation from the higher Band 8 requirements.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesive Devices: Introduce varied cohesive devices to reduce repetition and improve the natural flow of information. For example, instead of repeating "there was," you could use phrases like "it was observed" or "the data indicates."
Smooth Transitions Between Paragraphs: Work on the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. This could involve linking back to previous points made or clearly indicating a shift to a new aspect of the data.
Stronger Conclusion: Reinforce the concluding paragraph by summarizing the main trends and implications of the data more distinctly. This could help in providing a powerful ending that encapsulates all the key points discussed.
Proofreading for Clarity and Accuracy: Carefully proofread to avoid typographical errors and ensure that the data mentioned (like percentages and years) are consistent and accurately reported, which will strengthen the overall credibility and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, including terms related to household appliances and time management. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "proportion" and "remarkable decline." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, and there is a reliance on basic phrases like "remarkable climb" and "gradual increase." There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "electrial" instead of "electrical," "statis" instead of "status," and "assistence" instead of "assistance." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader but do not severely distort the message.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim to vary their vocabulary more extensively, using synonyms and avoiding repetition. Additionally, they should pay closer attention to spelling and word formation to avoid errors that could impact the clarity of the essay. Proofreading carefully before submission can help in identifying and correcting such mistakes. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated and precise vocabulary related to the topic can enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, utilizing a variety of structures to convey information. There are instances of complex sentence structures, such as "With regard to the first line graph, there was no refrigerator in 1920, while the proportion of vacuum cleaner started at 30 percent in the same year." However, there are also simpler sentences like "Overall, there was an increase in the figures of household appliances using electric power." There are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for consistency in using complex sentence structures. Additionally, pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors. Consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence, ensuring that each sentence contributes effectively to the overall flow of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graphs illustrate the evolution of household electrical appliances, namely washing machines, refrigerators, and vacuum cleaners, as well as the corresponding time spent on housework per week over an 89-year period from 1920 to 2019.

Overall, there was a noticeable increase in the utilization of household appliances powered by electricity. Notably, the proportion of households owning washing machines consistently remained the highest throughout the period, despite experiencing a temporary decline in the initial two decades. The introduction of time-saving devices led to a reduction in the time allocated to housework among individuals over the examined period.

Examining the first line graph, it is evident that there was no presence of refrigerators in households in 1920, while the proportion of households possessing vacuum cleaners stood at 30 percent during the same year. Subsequently, both figures experienced a substantial upward trend, reaching saturation at 100% by the year 2000. Conversely, the ownership of washing machines exhibited a gradual rise, culminating at 75% by the year 2019.

Turning to the second graph, a significant decrease in the time allocated to household chores is observed, plummeting from 50 hours per week to 20 hours by 1960. This downward trend continued steadily, reaching a mere 10 hours per week by 2019, attributable to the assistance provided by the aforementioned modern devices.

Overall, the data portrays a clear shift towards increased reliance on household electrical appliances and a consequent reduction in time spent on household chores over the examined period.