talk about memorable and unforgettable experiences when shopping

On the Mother’s day, me and my friend was going to the store that have all of the items what we want, me asked my friend what should i give for her mother’s day, my friend suggested me should buy her a new dress but i might that those dress are too expensive to buy it. While thinking, a beautiful hat caught my attention, i picked it up and examined the price tag. I realize that this hat is cheapest than i thought, finally i was so happy and want to see her reaction. Later that evening my says thank for the hat, she very love it and could wait to wear it. The way i see her smile and happy that make the special moment even more memorable.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"On the Mother’s day" -> "On Mother’s Day"
Explanation: Capitalization of "Mother’s Day" is necessary to adhere to standard English conventions for proper nouns and titles of holidays.
"me and my friend was going" -> "my friend and I were going"
Explanation: "Me" should not be used as the subject of a sentence; "I" is the correct subject pronoun. Also, "was" should be "were" to agree with the plural subject "my friend and I."
"the store that have all of the items what we want" -> "the store that has all the items we want"
Explanation: "Have" should be "has" for subject-verb agreement with the singular noun "store." Also, "what" should be removed as it is redundant after "items."
"me asked my friend" -> "I asked my friend"
Explanation: "Me" should not be used as the subject of a sentence; "I" is the correct subject pronoun.
"should i give for her mother’s day" -> "should I give for her on Mother’s Day"
Explanation: Capitalization of "Mother’s Day" is necessary for proper noun usage. Also, "should i" should be "should I" for correct capitalization of the first-person singular pronoun.
"my friend suggested me should buy" -> "my friend suggested I buy"
Explanation: "Me" should not be used as an object; "I" is the correct object pronoun.
"might that those dress are" -> "thought that those dresses are"
Explanation: "Might" is incorrect in this context; "thought" is the correct verb to express a personal opinion. Also, "dress" should be plural "dresses" to agree with the plural context.
"too expensive to buy it" -> "too expensive to purchase"
Explanation: "Buy" is too informal and direct for academic writing; "purchase" is more formal and suitable.
"i picked it up and examined the price tag" -> "I picked it up and examined the price tag"
Explanation: Capitalization of "I" is necessary for proper grammatical structure.
"i realize that this hat is cheapest than i thought" -> "I realized that this hat is cheaper than I thought"
Explanation: "Realize" should be "realized" for past tense consistency. Also, "cheapest" should be "cheaper" for comparative form, and "i" should be "I" for capitalization.
"finally i was so happy and want to see her reaction" -> "finally, I was so happy and wanted to see her reaction"
Explanation: A comma is needed after "finally" for proper punctuation. Also, "want" should be "wanted" for past tense consistency.
"my says thank for the hat" -> "she said thank you for the hat"
Explanation: "My says" is grammatically incorrect; "she said" is the correct form. Also, "thank" should be "thank you" for the correct phrase.
"she very love it" -> "she very much loved it"
Explanation: "Very love" is grammatically incorrect; "very much loved" is the correct form.
"could wait to wear it" -> "was eager to wear it"
Explanation: "Could wait" is awkward and incorrect; "was eager" is more natural and appropriate in this context.
"The way i see her smile and happy that make the special moment even more memorable" -> "The way I saw her smile and her happiness made the special moment even more memorable"
Explanation: "I see" should be "I saw" for past tense consistency. Also, "happy" should be "her happiness" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by recounting a personal shopping experience, but it does not fully explore the concept of "memorable and unforgettable experiences" in a broader context. The narrative focuses primarily on a single event without reflecting on why it is memorable or how it relates to the overall theme of unforgettable experiences in shopping. For instance, the essay could have included more details about the significance of the shopping experience or compared it to other memorable shopping moments.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should expand the narrative to include reflections on what makes shopping experiences memorable. This could involve discussing emotions, lessons learned, or the impact of the experience on the relationship with the friend. Including a brief mention of other memorable shopping experiences could also enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position regarding what makes the shopping experience memorable. While the writer shares a personal story, the connection to the theme of "unforgettable experiences" is weak. The narrative feels more like a recounting of events rather than an exploration of a position or insight about memorable shopping experiences.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout the essay, the writer should explicitly state what they believe makes shopping experiences memorable at the beginning. This thesis statement can guide the narrative, ensuring that each part of the story contributes to illustrating that position. Additionally, reinforcing this position with concluding remarks that summarize the significance of the experience would strengthen the overall coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat limited and lack depth. The narrative describes a shopping experience but does not extend or support the idea of why this experience is memorable. For example, the writer mentions the friend’s reaction but does not elaborate on the emotional significance of the gift or the shopping experience itself.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more descriptive language and emotional reflections. They could elaborate on their feelings during the shopping trip, the significance of the hat as a gift, and the joy of seeing their friend’s reaction. Adding sensory details about the shopping environment or the emotions involved would also enrich the narrative.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on a specific shopping experience. However, the lack of depth and exploration of the theme of "memorable and unforgettable experiences" leads to a somewhat superficial treatment of the topic. The narrative does not fully capture the essence of what makes a shopping experience unforgettable.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that every part of the essay contributes to the central theme of memorable shopping experiences. This can be achieved by including reflections on the broader implications of the experience, such as how it strengthened friendships or created lasting memories. Additionally, avoiding unnecessary details that do not contribute to the theme will help keep the essay concise and focused.

In summary, the essay requires significant improvements in depth, clarity, and thematic exploration to achieve a higher band score for Task Response. By addressing these areas, the writer can create a more compelling and comprehensive narrative that aligns with the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a narrative about a shopping experience, but the organization of information lacks clarity and logical progression. The sequence of events is somewhat jumbled; for instance, the transition from discussing the initial idea of buying a dress to the discovery of the hat is abrupt. Additionally, the conclusion about the friend’s reaction is not clearly linked back to the shopping experience, which diminishes the overall coherence of the narrative.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should outline the essay before writing. A clear introduction stating the purpose of the essay, followed by a chronological sequence of events (e.g., deciding on a gift, the shopping experience, and the friend’s reaction), would help. Using transitional phrases like "first," "then," and "finally" can guide the reader through the narrative more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text without any paragraph breaks, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the different stages of the narrative. Each new idea or event should ideally start a new paragraph to improve readability and structure.
- How to improve: The writer should divide the essay into at least two paragraphs: one for the initial shopping experience and another for the friend’s reaction. This separation will help clarify the progression of thoughts and make the essay more visually appealing and easier to read.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a limited range of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow. Words like "but," "and," and "finally" are present but are not used effectively to connect ideas. For instance, the transition between the decision to buy a dress and the choice of the hat lacks a cohesive link, making the shift feel disjointed.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "in addition," "for example," and "as a result." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

Overall, while the essay conveys a personal experience, it requires significant improvements in organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use descriptive language. Phrases such as "beautiful hat" and "special moment" show an effort to convey emotions and details. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variation, particularly in describing the shopping experience. For instance, the word "hat" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "hat," you could use terms like "headwear" or "accessory." Additionally, explore adjectives that convey emotion more vividly, such as "exquisite" or "charming," to describe the hat or the shopping experience.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "have all of the items what we want" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "have all the items we wanted." Similarly, "the cheapest than I thought" should be "cheaper than I thought." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and disrupt the flow of the narrative.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review grammatical structures, particularly in comparative phrases, to ensure correctness. Practicing sentence construction and seeking feedback on your writing can help you refine your vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability. For instance, "me and my friend was going" should be "my friend and I were going," and "my says thank for the hat" should be "my friend said thank you for the hat." These errors indicate a need for greater attention to spelling and grammar.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading routine before finalizing your essay. Reading your work aloud can help catch mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing practice exercises focused on common spelling challenges can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For instance, the sentence "On the Mother’s day, me and my friend was going to the store that have all of the items what we want" primarily uses a straightforward structure. There are instances of attempts at complex sentences, such as "While thinking, a beautiful hat caught my attention," but these are not frequent enough to showcase a wide range. The use of phrases like "my friend suggested me should buy her a new dress" indicates a struggle with more complex grammatical forms.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of "I realize that this hat is cheapest than I thought," the writer could use "I realized that the hat was cheaper than I had anticipated." Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can help create a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "me and my friend was going" should be "my friend and I were going," which corrects both the subject pronoun and verb agreement. The phrase "that have all of the items what we want" should be revised to "that had all the items we wanted," correcting the tense and removing the unnecessary "what." Punctuation is also inconsistent; for instance, there should be a comma after "Later that evening" and before "she very love it" should be "she loved it" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct use of pronouns. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence is complete and correctly structured will enhance overall clarity. Reading more examples of well-structured essays can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy on future IELTS essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

On Mother’s Day, my friend and I were going to the store that has all the items we want. I asked my friend what I should give her for Mother’s Day. My friend suggested I buy her a new dress, but I thought that those dresses were too expensive to purchase. While thinking, a beautiful hat caught my attention. I picked it up and examined the price tag. I realized that this hat was cheaper than I thought. Finally, I was so happy and wanted to see her reaction. Later that evening, she said thank you for the hat; she very much loved it and was eager to wear it. The way I saw her smile and her happiness made the special moment even more memorable.