Task 1: (at least 150 words) The pie charts below show the age groups of the users on different social media platforms in Australia in 2011. Describe the chart.

Task 1: (at least 150 words)
The pie charts below show the age groups of the users on different social media platforms in Australia in 2011.
Describe the chart.

The pie charts illustrate the favorite social media platforms among users for the years 2011, 2012, and 2013. The data highlights the distribution of users across five platforms: Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, and Pinterest.

Overall, Facebook remained the most popular platform throughout the period, although its dominance slightly declined over time. Twitter and Pinterest experienced a fluctuating trend, while LinkedIn and Google+ had relatively small user bases throughout the years.

In 2011, Facebook was the favorite, capturing 45% of the total users, followed by Twitter with 21%. The least preferred platforms were Pinterest (5%) and Google+ (10%), with LinkedIn accounting for 19% of users.

By 2012, Facebook still held the majority share at 43%, though it decreased slightly. Twitter maintained its second place at 21%, while Pinterest grew modestly to 12%. LinkedIn saw a small dip to 13%, and Google+ remained the least popular, dropping to 6%.

In 2013, Facebook saw a sharper decline, yet it still commanded 38% of users. Pinterest gained more popularity, rising to 25%, becoming the second most favored platform. Twitter's share dropped to 20%, and both LinkedIn and Google+ accounted for smaller proportions, at 14% and 8%, respectively.

In summary, Facebook's overall popularity declined between 2011 and 2013, while Pinterest gained considerable traction. Other platforms experienced only minor changes during this period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie charts illustrate" -> "The pie charts depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in the context of presenting data, aligning better with academic style.
"favorite social media platforms" -> "most popular social media platforms"
Explanation: "Most popular" is a more precise term than "favorite," which can imply personal preference, which is not appropriate in this context of presenting data.
"remained the most popular platform" -> "remained the dominant platform"
Explanation: "Dominant" is a more specific term that conveys a stronger sense of superiority in market share or usage, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"slightly declined" -> "gradually decreased"
Explanation: "Gradually decreased" is a more precise and formal way to describe a continuous reduction over time, fitting better in an academic context.
"fluctuating trend" -> "variable trend"
Explanation: "Variable" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "fluctuating," which can imply a more dramatic change.
"relatively small user bases" -> "smaller user bases"
Explanation: "Smaller" is a more direct and precise adjective compared to "relatively small," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"capturing" -> "accounting for"
Explanation: "Accounting for" is a more formal expression suitable for describing the proportion of users in an academic context.
"modestly to" -> "slightly increased to"
Explanation: "Slightly increased to" is more specific and formal than "modestly to," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"small dip" -> "small decrease"
Explanation: "Decrease" is a more formal term than "dip," which is colloquial and less precise.
"sharper decline" -> "more pronounced decline"
Explanation: "More pronounced" is a more formal and precise term than "sharper," which can be seen as colloquial.
"gained more popularity" -> "experienced increased popularity"
Explanation: "Experienced increased popularity" is a more formal way to describe a change in popularity, aligning better with academic style.
"considerable traction" -> "significant growth"
Explanation: "Significant growth" is a more precise and formal phrase than "considerable traction," which is less commonly used in academic writing.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, making it more suitable for an academic audience.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It accurately describes the changes in popularity of each social media platform over the three years. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features/bullet points. For example, it could have provided more specific details about the changes in popularity of each platform, such as the percentage increase or decrease in users.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in popularity of each platform. For example, the essay could state that Facebook’s popularity declined by 7% between 2011 and 2013, while Pinterest’s popularity increased by 20%. The essay could also provide more analysis of the data, such as explaining why Facebook’s popularity declined or why Pinterest’s popularity increased.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the description of the pie charts. Each paragraph focuses on specific years, which helps maintain a coherent structure. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances of minor overuse, particularly in the repetition of phrases like "the least preferred platforms." The paragraphs are clearly defined, each addressing a central topic related to the data presented. However, there could be improvements in the variety of cohesive devices used to enhance the flow further.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer could work on varying the cohesive devices used to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that referencing is clear and avoiding repetitive phrases would strengthen the overall coherence. More explicit connections between the trends observed in different years could enhance the logical progression of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, effectively describing the data presented in the pie charts. The use of terms like "dominance," "fluctuating trend," and "user bases" indicates an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice, such as "the least preferred platforms" which could be more precisely stated as "the platforms with the least users." Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Google+" being referred to as "Google" in one instance, which could confuse the reader. Overall, while the essay communicates the information clearly, the occasional inaccuracies and errors prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring that all terms are used correctly and consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and phrases, while minimizing spelling and word formation errors, would contribute to a stronger lexical performance. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help in achieving a more flexible and nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. There are frequent error-free sentences, and the writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some minor errors and awkward phrasing that prevent it from reaching a higher band score. For example, phrases like "the least preferred platforms were Pinterest (5%) and Google+ (10%)" could be more clearly articulated. Overall, while the essay is coherent and communicates the information effectively, the presence of a few errors and less sophisticated sentence structures limits its score to a 7.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on increasing the range of grammatical structures used, ensuring that complex sentences are not only attempted but also executed with precision. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrasing can help improve clarity and overall accuracy. Incorporating more varied vocabulary and sentence structures will also contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate the age groups of users on various social media platforms in Australia for the year 2011. The data highlights the distribution of users across five platforms: Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, and Pinterest.

Overall, Facebook emerged as the most popular platform, although its dominance experienced a slight decline over time. Twitter and Pinterest displayed fluctuating trends, while LinkedIn and Google+ maintained relatively small user bases throughout the year.

By 2012, Facebook still held the majority share at 43%, although it decreased slightly. Twitter maintained its second place at 21%, while Pinterest grew modestly to 12%. LinkedIn saw a small dip to 13%, and Google+ remained the least popular, dropping to 6%.

In 2013, Facebook experienced a sharper decline, yet it still commanded 38% of users. Pinterest gained more popularity, rising to 25%, thus becoming the second most favored platform. Twitter’s share dropped to 20%, while both LinkedIn and Google+ accounted for smaller proportions, at 14% and 8%, respectively.

In summary, Facebook’s overall popularity declined between 2011 and 2013, while Pinterest gained considerable traction. Other platforms experienced only minor changes during this period.