Task 1 : The bar chart shows the average number of hours student in five different universities studied Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Task 1 : The bar chart shows the average number of hours student in five different universities studied
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graphs provide a breakdown of a typical study hours of 5 different universities.
Overall, the bar chart reveals significant variations in average study time among the five universities, with students becoming consistently more active on weekdays. While University A students demonstrated the highest commitment on weekends, the same holds true for University C on weekdays. On the whole, a general decrease in study time during weekends can be observed across all universities. As for weekends, Students at University A emerge as the most dedicated, averaging a substantial 9.8 hours of studying. This figure stands in stark contrast to University E, where students allocate an average of only 6.2 hours to weekend studies, representing the lowest commitment among the universities. Following University A, University C secures the second-place position with an average of 7.5 weekend study hours a figure which is a notably 2.3 hours less than the leading university but still significantly higher than University E. There is a narrow disparity between Universities B and D, averaging 7.2 and 7.0 hours of weekend study, respectively.

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Errors and Improvements:

"provide a breakdown of" -> "offer a breakdown of"
Explanation: "Offer" adds variety to the vocabulary and maintains clarity, while "breakdown" remains appropriate in this context.
"Overall" -> "In general"
Explanation: "In general" is a more formal alternative to "Overall" and fits better in academic or analytical writing contexts.
"significant variations" -> "substantial disparities"
Explanation: "Substantial disparities" conveys a stronger sense of difference compared to "significant variations" and enhances the descriptive quality of the sentence.
"becoming consistently more active" -> "consistently increasing"
Explanation: "Consistently increasing" provides a more precise description of the trend and avoids the ambiguity of "more active."
"holds true for" -> "applies to"
Explanation: "Applies to" is a clearer and more concise alternative to "holds true for" in this context.
"On the whole" -> "Overall"
Explanation: "Overall" is a simpler and more direct phrase, maintaining the flow of the sentence without sacrificing clarity.
"emerge as" -> "stand out as"
Explanation: "Stand out as" adds a nuanced emphasis to the dedication of the students, providing a stronger descriptive quality.
"a substantial 9.8 hours" -> "an impressive 9.8 hours"
Explanation: "Impressive" adds a positive connotation, emphasizing the significance of the study hours.
"stands in stark contrast to" -> "differs markedly from"
Explanation: "Differs markedly from" offers a more dynamic alternative to "stands in stark contrast to" and enhances the descriptive quality of the sentence.
"a notably 2.3 hours less" -> "a significant 2.3-hour difference"
Explanation: "Significant" adds emphasis to the difference, and restructuring the phrase for clarity enhances readability.
"There is a narrow disparity" -> "A narrow disparity exists"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality improves readability without changing the meaning.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in study hours among the five universities. It effectively highlights key features such as variations in study time between weekdays and weekends and comparisons between the universities. The information is presented in a coherent manner.
How to improve: To improve, consider providing more detailed comparisons between the universities, such as discussing any notable trends or outliers within each university’s study hours. Additionally, ensure that all statements are supported by accurate data from the bar chart.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. It introduces the main features of the bar chart effectively, discussing the variations in study hours among the universities. The use of transition words and phrases helps in maintaining coherence. However, there are some instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. For example, the connection between the discussion of weekdays and weekends could be smoother. Additionally, while the essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, the paragraphing could be more logical, particularly in transitioning between the discussion of different universities.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that there is a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices more effectively to establish clear connections between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, focus on organizing the content more logically within paragraphs to improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying information. It effectively uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. For instance, phrases like "breakdown of a typical study hours" and "significant variations in average study time" showcase a decent command of vocabulary. The essay also employs specific terms like "commitment," "dedicated," "allocate," and "disparity," contributing to the richness of expression. Additionally, the essay maintains coherence and clarity in presenting comparisons between universities’ study habits.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource further and aim for a higher band score, consider incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly more sophisticated and nuanced terms. Additionally, pay close attention to collocation and word choice to minimize occasional errors and inaccuracies. Strive for more natural and seamless integration of vocabulary throughout the essay, avoiding any instances of awkward phrasing or repetition. Continued exposure to diverse texts and practice in employing advanced vocabulary in context can aid in achieving greater lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation overall. It effectively utilizes a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and comparative constructions, enhancing the clarity and coherence of the text. Most sentences are error-free, contributing to the reader’s understanding of the information presented. However, there are occasional minor errors in punctuation and grammar, such as missing commas or awkward phrasing, which slightly affect the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to punctuation rules, ensuring consistent and appropriate use of commas, especially in complex sentences. Additionally, a thorough proofreading to identify and correct any remaining minor errors would help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart delineates the average study hours of students across five distinct universities. Overall, significant disparities in study durations are evident among these institutions, with students generally exhibiting greater engagement on weekdays. Notably, University A records the highest commitment on weekends, while University C demonstrates the highest dedication on weekdays. Across all universities, a consistent decline in study hours during weekends is observable.

Specifically, students at University A devote the most time to weekend studies, averaging 9.8 hours, a stark contrast to the minimal commitment of 6.2 hours at University E, which ranks lowest in this regard. Following University A, University C secures the second-highest position with an average of 7.5 weekend study hours, representing a notable 2.3-hour decrease compared to the leading institution, yet significantly surpassing University E. Universities B and D exhibit marginal differences, with average weekend study hours of 7.2 and 7.0, respectively.