Task 1: The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The graph illustrates the rate of English who eat the suggested day-to-day amount of fruits
and vegetables in certain years.
Generally, in 2002, 2006, and 2010, while this kind of food is favorable to adults, it is not
common among kids. Moreover, there was an increase between 2002 and 2006 in the
individual usage of fruits and vegetables. However, by 2010, the percentages had slightly
declined for all groups.
To begin with, women had the highest percentage of people who met the recommended
intake across all three years. In 2002, the percentage of women who met the recommended
intake was approximately 25%, which was higher than both men, at 22%, and children,
around 11%. By 2006, there was a notable rise in consumption for all groups in which,
women experienced the most significant rise, around 32%, while the percentages for men
and children increased to about 27% and 18% respectively.
Nevertheless, in 2010, there was a slight decrease in the rate of individuals meeting the
guided fruits and vegetables across all people. Women's consumption dropped to around
26%, men's to roughly 24%, and children's to about 16%. Regardless, women continued to
have the highest percentage and children remained the lowest for consuming the given
amount of food.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graph illustrates the rate of English who eat the suggested day-to-day amount of fruits and vegetables in certain years." -> "The graph illustrates the proportion of English individuals consuming the recommended daily amounts of fruits and vegetables in specific years."
Explanation: Replacing "rate of English who eat" with "proportion of English individuals consuming" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more precise terminology, enhancing the formal tone.
"Generally, in 2002, 2006, and 2010, while this kind of food is favorable to adults, it is not common among kids." -> "In general, across 2002, 2006, and 2010, this type of food is preferred by adults, but less so among children."
Explanation: "Generally" is replaced with "In general" for a more formal tone. "This kind of food" is replaced with "this type of food" for clarity and formality. "Is favorable to adults" is replaced with "is preferred by adults" for a more direct and formal expression.
"Moreover, there was an increase between 2002 and 2006 in the individual usage of fruits and vegetables." -> "Furthermore, there was an increase in the consumption of fruits and vegetables among individuals between 2002 and 2006."
Explanation: "Moreover" is more suitable for academic writing than "Moreover," and "individual usage" is replaced with "consumption among individuals" for a more precise and formal expression.
"However, by 2010, the percentages had slightly declined for all groups." -> "However, by 2010, the percentages had slightly decreased across all groups."
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more precise verb than "declined" in this context, and "across all groups" is more formal than "for all groups."
"To begin with, women had the highest percentage of people who met the recommended intake across all three years." -> "Initially, women had the highest proportion of individuals meeting the recommended intake across the three-year period."
Explanation: "To begin with" is a more formal way to introduce a point, and "proportion of individuals meeting" is more precise than "percentage of people who met."
"In 2002, the percentage of women who met the recommended intake was approximately 25%, which was higher than both men, at 22%, and children, around 11%." -> "In 2002, approximately 25% of women met the recommended intake, exceeding the percentages for men (22%) and children (11%)."
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure improves readability and formality, and "exceeding" is a more concise and formal way to compare percentages.
"By 2006, there was a notable rise in consumption for all groups in which, women experienced the most significant rise, around 32%, while the percentages for men and children increased to about 27% and 18% respectively." -> "By 2006, there was a notable increase in consumption across all groups, with women experiencing the most significant increase, at 32%, followed by men (27%) and children (18%)."
Explanation: "Notable rise" is replaced with "notable increase" for consistency in terminology. "In which" is replaced with "across all groups" for clarity and formality. The explanation is also rephrased for smoother flow and to emphasize the comparative nature of the data.
"Nevertheless, in 2010, there was a slight decrease in the rate of individuals meeting the guided fruits and vegetables across all people." -> "Nevertheless, in 2010, there was a slight decrease in the proportion of individuals meeting the recommended intake of fruits and vegetables across all groups."
Explanation: "Guided fruits and vegetables" is incorrect and unclear; "recommended intake of fruits and vegetables" is the correct and formal expression. "Across all people" is vague; "across all groups" is more precise and appropriate in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in fruit and vegetable consumption in the UK. It highlights the key features of the data, such as the higher consumption rates among women and the overall increase between 2002 and 2006. However, the essay lacks some detail and clarity in its presentation. For example, the essay could have provided more specific figures to support its claims, and it could have been more concise in its language.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific figures to support its claims. For example, instead of saying "there was a notable rise in consumption for all groups," the essay could say "the percentage of women who met the recommended intake rose by 7% between 2002 and 2006." The essay could also be improved by using more concise language. For example, instead of saying "the percentages had slightly declined for all groups," the essay could say "consumption rates decreased slightly for all groups."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices such as "To begin with," "However," and "Nevertheless," which contribute to the logical flow of ideas. However, there are instances where cohesion may be faulty or mechanical, such as the phrasing "this kind of food is favorable to adults," which could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better clarity, as some ideas could be more distinctly separated into different paragraphs.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the clarity of their cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Additionally, improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay. More precise referencing and substitution could also help to avoid repetition and enhance the overall readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "recommended intake," "notable rise," and "slight decrease." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, which are not always accurate or appropriate, such as "day-to-day amount" instead of "recommended daily amount." There are also some errors in word formation and phrasing, such as "the rate of English" instead of "the rate of people in England." These inaccuracies do not severely impede communication but do indicate a need for improvement in lexical precision.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation will help reduce errors and improve clarity. Engaging with a broader vocabulary through reading and practice can also aid in developing a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at using more complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the rate of English who eat" (should be "the rate of English people who eat") and "the suggested day-to-day amount of fruits and vegetables" (should be "the suggested daily amount of fruit and vegetables"). These errors do not severely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading for common errors and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary and sentence structures used will enhance the overall quality of the essay. Practicing writing more error-free sentences and varying sentence length and complexity will also help in achieving a better score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the percentage of individuals in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruits and vegetables in the years 2002, 2006, and 2010.

Generally, while the consumption of these food items was favorable among adults, it was less common among children. Moreover, there was an increase in the individual consumption of fruits and vegetables between 2002 and 2006. However, by 2010, the percentages had slightly declined for all groups.

To begin with, women had the highest percentage of individuals meeting the recommended intake across all three years. In 2002, the percentage of women who met the recommended intake was approximately 25%, which was higher than that of men, at 22%, and children, at around 11%. By 2006, there was a notable rise in consumption for all groups, with women experiencing the most significant increase to around 32%, while the percentages for men and children rose to about 27% and 18%, respectively.

Nevertheless, in 2010, there was a slight decrease in the percentage of individuals meeting the recommended intake of fruits and vegetables across all demographics. Women’s consumption dropped to around 26%, men’s to roughly 24%, and children’s to about 16%. Regardless, women continued to have the highest percentage, while children remained the lowest consumers of the recommended amount of these foods.