Task 1: The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2000 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Task 1: The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total
percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2000 in a country. Summarize the information
by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts illustrate the overall proportion of films released and cinema ticket sales between 1996 and 2000 in a certain country.

Overall, it is evident that the percentage of drama films released was higher than comedy films released, however it seems that the proportion for comedy ticket sales was greater compared to the figure for drama. It is also noticeable that while the ticket sales for all 4 figures followed an upward trend the romance category followed a downward trend.

Looking at the details, the two most favorable categories in 1996 were drama and comedy which accounted for 25% and 20% of the films released with 15% and 20% of the ticket sales, respectively. while the fantasy and romance categories was not seeking any significant attention from the audience which only made up 2,5% and 5% of the ticket sales, in turn.

In 2000, the drama category was mass produced which was about 35%, however the sales it brought back did not meet the expectation which only increased about 1% in 2000. In contrast, the comedy did meet the expectation with the increase of 3% of the total ticket sales. It is also worth noting that the fantasy ticket sales increased dramatically to 6% in 2000 which is three times higher than the figure for fantasy in 1996.

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Errors and Improvements:

"overall proportion" -> "overall distribution"
Explanation: "Proportion" refers to the relationship of one part to the whole, while "distribution" implies the spread or allocation of something across different categories, which is more appropriate in this context.
"it seems that" -> "apparently"
Explanation: "It seems that" is a common phrase, but "apparently" adds a touch of certainty and sophistication to the statement.
"followed an upward trend" -> "exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise alternative to "followed" in this context, enhancing the sophistication of the description.
"was not seeking" -> "did not attract"
Explanation: "Was not seeking" implies an intentional action by the categories, which is not accurate. "Did not attract" better conveys the passive nature of the categories not receiving attention from the audience.
"mass produced" -> "dominated the market"
Explanation: "Mass produced" typically refers to manufacturing, while "dominated the market" better describes the widespread availability and prominence of the drama category in this context.
"meet the expectation" -> "meet expectations"
Explanation: "Meet the expectation" is slightly awkward phrasing; "meet expectations" is a more concise and natural expression.
"worth noting" -> "noteworthy"
Explanation: "Worth noting" is a bit informal; "noteworthy" maintains the same meaning while sounding more polished.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the Task 1 prompt by providing an overview of the main trends and differences observed in the data of films released and ticket sales from 1996 to 2000. It presents a clear overview of how the percentages of different film genres released and their respective ticket sales have evolved over the specified period. The essay highlights the key features, such as the difference in the percentages of drama and comedy films released and their corresponding ticket sales, as well as the increase in fantasy ticket sales in 2000. However, the response could be more fully extended with a clearer and more detailed comparison between the years, and a more precise explanation of the significance of these changes in terms of impact or market trends, which prevents it from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve:
To move towards a higher band score, consider the following improvements:

Enhance the overview: Offer a more distinct summary of the overall trends without focusing too much on individual data points unless they are part of illustrating a larger trend.
Detailed comparisons: Provide more explicit comparisons between the years for each category to enhance the analysis. For instance, discussing the proportional change in ticket sales relative to film releases could provide deeper insights.
Data precision: Avoid vague terms like "mass produced" or "did not meet the expectation" and replace them with specific data-driven statements. This will help in making the argument more robust and grounded in the actual data presented.
Structure and coherence: Organize the information more logically, ensuring that transitions between points are smooth and contribute to building a coherent argument. This will aid in presenting a fully developed response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, providing an overview of the main features of the data presented. There is a clear attempt to compare the data between the years 1996 and 2000. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence to some extent. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, as some transitions feel mechanical or unclear. Additionally, the essay’s paragraphing is somewhat logical but could be more effectively structured to enhance coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining transitions between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Pay attention to the clarity and accuracy of cohesive devices, ensuring they effectively link concepts and maintain the logical progression of information. Additionally, focus on organizing paragraphs more systematically to improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It effectively describes the main features of the data and makes comparisons between the years 1996 and 2000. Some less common lexical items are used, such as "proportion," "upward trend," and "mass produced," which enhances the lexical variety. However, there are instances of inaccuracy and inconsistency in word choice and collocation, such as "favorable categories," which could be improved for clearer expression. Additionally, there are occasional errors in word formation and spelling, such as "ticket sales" written as "tickets sales" and "which only made up 2,5%," where the comma should be replaced with a decimal point. These errors do not significantly impede communication but could be refined for greater clarity.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more precise and varied vocabulary choices. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will help to ensure accuracy and consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for smoother collocation and phrasing to further refine the expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering the main features of the given data. It uses a variety of sentence structures and transitions to convey information effectively. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay that occasionally affect clarity and precision. These errors include issues like subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation errors.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score, focus on enhancing sentence structure complexity while ensuring accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper punctuation usage. Proofreading and editing for grammatical errors can significantly enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar charts depict the distribution of films released and cinema ticket sales in a particular country during the years 1996 and 2000.

Overall, it is discernible that drama films constituted a higher percentage of releases compared to comedy films, whereas comedy ticket sales surpassed those of drama. Additionally, there was a noticeable decline in ticket sales for romance films, contrasting with an overall increase in sales across all categories.

Examining the specifics, in 1996, drama and comedy were the most prevalent genres, accounting for 25% and 20% of film releases, respectively. However, comedy garnered a larger share of ticket sales at 20%, while drama accounted for 15%. Conversely, fantasy and romance genres received minimal attention from audiences, comprising only 2.5% and 5% of ticket sales, respectively.

By 2000, drama films dominated the market with a 35% share of releases, yet their ticket sales saw only a marginal increase of 1%. In contrast, comedy films saw a 3% rise in ticket sales, meeting expectations. Notably, fantasy ticket sales experienced a significant surge to 6% in 2000, a threefold increase from 1996.

In summary, the data illustrates shifts in both film releases and ticket sales over the specified period, with drama, comedy, and fantasy genres experiencing notable changes in audience preferences.