Task 1: The table below shows information about the underground railway systems in 6 cities.

The given illustration depicts the opening date, the length and the number of passengers per year of the subway systems in 6 cities.
Generally, it is evident that the earliest and the longest railway system was introduced in London, while the latest one was built in LA. Notably, this mode of transport was the most popular in Tokyo.
To begin with, 394 kilometers of railways were opened in London in 1863, followed by 199 kilometers of Paris’s ,which were introduced in 1900. 27 years later, people living in Tokyo welcomed a new kind of transport, with the complexity of the infrastructure being 155 kilometers. In the 1980s, railways were constructed in the capital of the US and Kyoto, with the length of 126 and 11 kilometers, respectively. Furthermore, it was not until 2001 were 28 kilometers of railways established in LA.
Regarding the annual number of passengers, 1927 million Tokyo’s residents use this kind of transport every year, almost 20 times as high as thOSE of Kyoto and LA, which are around 50 million. Meanwhile, in Paris, the subway is used by 1191 million passengers, followed by London with 775 million people, approximately 5 times higher than Washington DC’s, which is only 144 million.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the given illustration depicts" -> "the provided illustration illustrates"
Explanation: The term "provided" is more formal than "given," and "illustrates" is a more precise verb choice than "depicts," which can be somewhat vague.
"the earliest and the longest railway system was introduced in London" -> "the earliest and longest railway system was established in London"
Explanation: "Established" is a more formal term than "introduced," and the removal of "the" before "longest" improves the parallel structure of the phrase.
"this mode of transport was the most popular in Tokyo" -> "this mode of transportation was most prevalent in Tokyo"
Explanation: "Transportation" is the more commonly used term in academic contexts, and "most prevalent" is more precise than "the most popular."
"with the complexity of the infrastructure being 155 kilometers" -> "with an infrastructure length of 155 kilometers"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning by directly stating the measurement, improving the precision of the expression.
"in the capital of the US and Kyoto" -> "in Washington, D.C., and Kyoto"
Explanation: Specifying "Washington, D.C." instead of "the capital of the US" enhances clarity and formality.
"it was not until 2001 were 28 kilometers of railways established in LA" -> "it was not until 2001 that 28 kilometers of railways were established in Los Angeles"
Explanation: The phrase "that" is necessary for grammatical correctness, and "Los Angeles" is the full name of the city, which is more formal than the abbreviation "LA."
"the annual number of passengers, 1927 million Tokyo’s residents use this kind of transport every year" -> "the annual number of passengers indicates that 1,927 million residents of Tokyo utilize this mode of transportation each year"
Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity, and "utilize" is a more formal alternative to "use."
"almost 20 times as high as thOSE of Kyoto and LA" -> "approximately 20 times greater than those of Kyoto and Los Angeles"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "almost," and "greater than" is a clearer comparative phrase than "as high as." Additionally, "Los Angeles" is used for formality.
"which are around 50 million" -> "which are approximately 50 million"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more formal and precise term than "around," enhancing the academic tone.
"the subway is used by 1191 million passengers" -> "the subway is utilized by 1,191 million passengers"
Explanation: "Utilized" is a more formal term than "used," and adding a comma in "1,191" improves numerical clarity.
"775 million people, approximately 5 times higher than Washington DC’s, which is only 144 million" -> "775 million passengers, approximately five times greater than that of Washington, D.C., which has only 144 million"
Explanation: "Passengers" specifies the subject, "five" is written out for formality, and "that of Washington, D.C." clarifies the comparison while maintaining a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the information in the table, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay focuses on the length of the railway systems and the number of passengers, but it does not provide a clear overview of the opening dates. The essay also presents some irrelevant details, such as the complexity of the infrastructure in Tokyo.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the information in the table. The essay should also avoid irrelevant details and focus on the key features of the data. For example, the essay could provide a clear overview of the opening dates of the railway systems, highlighting the earliest and latest systems. The essay could also compare the length of the railway systems and the number of passengers in different cities.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the body paragraphs are organized to discuss the opening dates, lengths, and passenger numbers of the subway systems in a logical sequence. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, such as the repetitive use of phrases like "in the" and "kilometers," which detracts from the overall fluidity. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it could be improved for better clarity and logical flow, particularly in distinguishing between different aspects of the data.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the variety and appropriateness of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. This includes using synonyms and varied sentence structures to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas transition smoothly between paragraphs would improve coherence. Finally, refining the paragraph structure to clearly delineate different aspects of the data will help in presenting a more organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "depicts," "infrastructure," and "complexity," but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the complexity of the infrastructure being 155 kilometers," which could be phrased more clearly. There are also noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, particularly in phrases like "1927 million Tokyo’s residents" (should be "Tokyo residents") and "thOSE of Kyoto" (incorrect capitalization). While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on refining their word choice and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, minimizing spelling and grammatical errors will improve clarity. Expanding the range of vocabulary used, particularly with more sophisticated and precise terms, can also elevate the essay’s quality. Finally, practicing the use of varied sentence structures and ensuring that all vocabulary is used accurately will contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder communication. For example, phrases like "the complexity of the infrastructure being 155 kilometers" are somewhat unclear. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the incorrect placement of commas and the use of "were" instead of "was" in "it was not until 2001 were 28 kilometers of railways established in LA." These errors suggest that while the writer has a basic control of grammar, the inaccuracies do affect the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Enhancing Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy.
Proofreading for Errors: Carefully check for grammatical and punctuation errors before finalizing the essay.
Clarity of Expression: Aim for clearer phrasing to avoid ambiguity, ensuring that each sentence conveys its intended meaning effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given illustration depicts the opening date, length, and number of passengers per year of the subway systems in six cities. Generally, it is evident that the earliest and longest railway system was introduced in London, while the latest one was built in Los Angeles. Notably, this mode of transport is the most popular in Tokyo.

To begin with, 394 kilometers of railways were opened in London in 1863, followed by 199 kilometers in Paris, which were introduced in 1900. Twenty-seven years later, residents of Tokyo welcomed a new mode of transport, with the length of the infrastructure measuring 155 kilometers. In the 1980s, railways were constructed in the capital of the United States and Kyoto, with lengths of 126 and 11 kilometers, respectively. Furthermore, it was not until 2001 that 28 kilometers of railways were established in Los Angeles.

Regarding the annual number of passengers, 1,927 million Tokyo residents use this mode of transport every year, which is almost 20 times higher than those of Kyoto and Los Angeles, both of which have around 50 million passengers. Meanwhile, in Paris, the subway is used by 1,191 million passengers, followed by London with 775 million people, approximately five times higher than Washington D.C., which has only 144 million passengers.