Task 2: International travel is becoming cheaper, and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

It is believed that foreign tourism has become renowned for traveling and a friendly budget. This writing will demonstrate the merits of this statement which outweighs the shortcomings.

Admittedly, there will be a wide range of disadvantages that some countries may face with an increase in international travel, but one of them is the environmental crisis. Regarding the environment in some tourist-developing countries, with low awareness of visitors, some destinations are contaminated by litter or wages. Therefore, it gradually demolishes the overall atmosphere, leading to global environmental crises from a deficit in travelers’ awareness. For instance, some historical sites in Ho Chi Minh City, VietNam have been filled with litter from visitors. With tons of tourists lacking awareness, not only the amenities inside but also the overall environment has been affected.

Furthermore, a large number of tourists can play a beneficial role in the development process of some nations. They can help some countries raise their reputation. When there are more opportunities to travel, some countries can approach visitors through some destinations or picturesque landscapes built by governments, using advertisements to raise the reputation of people worldwide. To illustrate, in Korea, there are loads of must-come destinations and even unique multicultural features that can attract the temptation of tourists. Thus, this country can make an impression on visitors, raising its reputation by the quantities of tourism on a monthly basis. In addition, some countries can partly depend on global travel to foster their economy. Through selling visiting fees or souvenirs, some countries can gain a huge amount of lucrative profits that can make a contribution to the national economy. For instance, there are some recreational places such as aquariums or Vinpearl parks that can make profits by selling entrance fees. By generating budgets in these ways, some nations can observe the gradual improvement in the overall economic platform. Therefore, based on the number of travelers, more countries can gain lucrative benefits in terms of reputation and profits for economic development.

Nevertheless, in spite of dealing with the environmental crisis, to tackle these problems, some tour guides can encourage foreigners to secure the communal sanitation culture, protecting the general atmosphere and environment. For example, before visiting some destinations, the tour guide has to tell the travelers to adhere to the regulations in this place to maintain a refreshing atmosphere. Hence, through this solution, some nations can curb environmental degradation.

In conclusion, although there will still be some hardships that can pose a threat to the general environment, some countries can solve this problem by raising awareness of visitors. Moreover, the merits of the mass quantity of tourists can outweigh the drawbacks which are raising reputation and fostering the economy via various ways.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is believed that foreign tourism has become renowned for traveling and a friendly budget." -> "It is widely acknowledged that foreign tourism has become renowned for its affordability and welcoming nature."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"This writing will demonstrate the merits of this statement which outweighs the shortcomings." -> "This essay will elucidate the advantages of this assertion, which outweigh the disadvantages."
Explanation: "This writing" is informal and vague; "This essay" is more precise and appropriate for academic contexts. Also, "outweighs" should be "outweigh the" for grammatical correctness.
"some countries may face with an increase in international travel" -> "some countries may face challenges with increased international travel"
Explanation: "face with" is grammatically incorrect; "face challenges with" is the correct phrasing, and specifying "increased" clarifies the nature of the challenge.
"some destinations are contaminated by litter or wages" -> "some destinations are contaminated by litter or waste"
Explanation: "wages" is incorrectly used here; "waste" is the correct term for referring to discarded materials.
"it gradually demolishes the overall atmosphere" -> "it gradually deteriorates the overall atmosphere"
Explanation: "demolishes" is too strong and incorrect in this context; "deteriorates" is more appropriate for describing environmental degradation.
"a large number of tourists can play a beneficial role" -> "a large number of tourists can play a significant role"
Explanation: "beneficial" is vague; "significant" is more precise and academically suitable.
"When there are more opportunities to travel" -> "As more travel opportunities arise"
Explanation: "When there are more opportunities to travel" is awkwardly phrased; "As more travel opportunities arise" is more fluid and formal.
"loads of must-come destinations" -> "numerous must-visit destinations"
Explanation: "loads of" is informal and imprecise; "numerous" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"can attract the temptation of tourists" -> "can attract tourists"
Explanation: "the temptation of tourists" is awkward and unclear; simply "tourists" is sufficient and clearer.
"make an impression on visitors" -> "impress visitors"
Explanation: "make an impression on" is verbose; "impress" is more direct and concise.
"raising its reputation by the quantities of tourism on a monthly basis" -> "enhancing its reputation through the volume of tourism each month"
Explanation: "raising its reputation by the quantities of tourism on a monthly basis" is awkward and verbose; "enhancing its reputation through the volume of tourism each month" is clearer and more formal.
"some nations can observe the gradual improvement in the overall economic platform" -> "some nations can observe gradual improvements in their overall economic platforms"
Explanation: "the gradual improvement in the overall economic platform" is awkwardly phrased; "gradual improvements in their overall economic platforms" is more precise and grammatically correct.
"to tackle these problems, some tour guides can encourage foreigners to secure the communal sanitation culture" -> "to address these issues, tour guides can encourage visitors to maintain a clean environment"
Explanation: "secure the communal sanitation culture" is unclear and awkward; "maintain a clean environment" is straightforward and appropriate for the context.
"curb environmental degradation" -> "mitigate environmental degradation"
Explanation: "curb" is less formal and slightly incorrect in this context; "mitigate" is the correct term for reducing the severity of environmental issues.
"raising awareness of visitors" -> "raising awareness among visitors"
Explanation: "raising awareness of visitors" is grammatically incorrect; "raising awareness among visitors" is the correct prepositional phrase.

These changes enhance the clarity, formality, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. It acknowledges the environmental concerns associated with tourism while also highlighting the economic benefits and the potential for countries to enhance their reputation. However, the discussion of disadvantages is somewhat limited, primarily focusing on environmental issues without exploring other potential drawbacks such as cultural dilution or overcrowding.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a broader range of disadvantages related to increased tourism. For instance, discussing the impact on local cultures, the strain on infrastructure, or the potential for increased crime rates could provide a more balanced view. Additionally, explicitly comparing the advantages and disadvantages in a more structured manner would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the argument could be strengthened by more explicitly linking each point back to this central thesis, ensuring that every paragraph reinforces the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should reiterate the main argument at the beginning of each paragraph and explicitly connect supporting points back to the thesis. This could involve using transitional phrases that remind the reader of the overarching argument, such as "Despite the environmental concerns, the economic benefits remain significant."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the economic benefits of tourism and the environmental challenges. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, while the essay mentions that tourism can enhance a country’s reputation, it does not provide specific examples of how this occurs beyond general statements.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include more concrete examples and data to support claims. For instance, citing specific statistics about tourism’s impact on GDP or providing case studies of countries that have successfully managed tourism could enhance the argument. Additionally, expanding on the solutions to environmental issues would provide a more comprehensive view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, particularly when discussing solutions to environmental issues without clearly linking them back to the overall argument about the merits of tourism.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of tourism. This could involve revising sections to clarify how proposed solutions impact the overall assessment of tourism’s benefits versus its drawbacks. Keeping a clear outline in mind while writing can also help maintain topic relevance.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more nuanced understanding of the topic and providing a more compelling argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by stating that the merits outweigh the shortcomings. However, the organization within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses environmental issues, but it could benefit from a clearer transition to the second body paragraph, which shifts focus to economic benefits. The logical flow between these two contrasting points could be enhanced by explicitly linking them with a transitional phrase or sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help clarify the relationship between contrasting ideas. This will guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is relatively long and discusses multiple points about environmental issues, while the second body paragraph is shorter and less detailed regarding economic benefits. This imbalance can disrupt the flow and make it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph has a similar length and depth of discussion. You could break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas. For example, consider separating the discussion of environmental issues into two paragraphs: one focused on the problems and another on potential solutions. This will create a clearer structure and allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Admittedly," "For instance," and "In addition." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, "some countries" appears frequently, which can lead to redundancy and a lack of variety in expression. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more sophisticated cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "some countries," consider using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain variety. Additionally, use devices such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "Consequently" to create smoother transitions between points. This will enhance the overall cohesion of the essay and make the argument more compelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the range of cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "environmental crisis," "reputation," "lucrative profits," and "communal sanitation culture." These phrases contribute to the clarity of the argument and show an ability to discuss complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "some countries" and "some destinations," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "some countries," they could use "certain nations," "various states," or "specific regions." This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also make the writing more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "demolishes" in the context of environmental degradation. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the temptation of tourists," which could be better expressed as "the interest of tourists" or "the allure for tourists." Additionally, the phrase "friendly budget" is somewhat vague and could be clarified to convey a more specific meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context in which they are using certain phrases. They can benefit from using a thesaurus to find more appropriate words that convey their intended meaning more accurately. For example, instead of "friendly budget," they could use "affordable travel options" to provide clearer communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there is a notable misspelling of "VietNam," which should be "Vietnam." Additionally, the term "wages" appears to be used incorrectly in the context of environmental contamination, which may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to commonly misspelled words and proper nouns. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors that may be overlooked during the writing process. Furthermore, ensuring that the correct terminology is used in context will prevent confusion and enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "When there are more opportunities to travel, some countries can approach visitors through some destinations or picturesque landscapes built by governments" showcases an understanding of varied sentence forms. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly with phrases like "some countries" and "some tourists," which can lead to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more diverse grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences, participial phrases, and varied introductory elements. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "some countries," the writer could use alternatives like "In certain nations," or "Many regions." Additionally, integrating more complex clauses and varying sentence lengths could create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "the merits of this statement which outweighs the shortcomings" contains a subject-verb agreement error; "which outweighs" should be "which outweigh." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can lead to confusion. For instance, "to tackle these problems, some tour guides can encourage foreigners to secure the communal sanitation culture" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs correctly match their subjects in number. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, can enhance clarity. Using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can elevate their writing to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that foreign tourism has become renowned for its affordability and welcoming nature. This essay will elucidate the advantages of this assertion, which outweigh the disadvantages.

Admittedly, there will be a wide range of disadvantages that some countries may face with an increase in international travel, but one of them is the environmental crisis. Regarding the environment in some tourist-developing countries, with low awareness among visitors, some destinations are contaminated by litter or waste. Therefore, it gradually deteriorates the overall atmosphere, leading to global environmental crises from a deficit in travelers’ awareness. For instance, some historical sites in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, have been filled with litter from visitors. With tons of tourists lacking awareness, not only have the amenities inside but also the overall environment been affected.

Furthermore, a large number of tourists can play a beneficial role in the development process of some nations. They can help some countries raise their reputation. When there are more opportunities to travel, some countries can approach visitors through various destinations or picturesque landscapes built by governments, using advertisements to enhance their reputation worldwide. To illustrate, in Korea, there are numerous must-visit destinations and even unique multicultural features that can attract tourists. Thus, this country can impress visitors, enhancing its reputation through the volume of tourism each month. In addition, some countries can partly depend on global travel to foster their economy. Through selling entrance fees or souvenirs, some countries can gain a huge amount of lucrative profits that can contribute to the national economy. For instance, there are some recreational places such as aquariums or Vinpearl parks that can generate profits by selling entrance fees. By creating budgets in these ways, some nations can observe gradual improvements in their overall economic platforms. Therefore, based on the number of travelers, more countries can gain lucrative benefits in terms of reputation and profits for economic development.

Nevertheless, in spite of dealing with the environmental crisis, to tackle these problems, some tour guides can encourage foreigners to maintain a clean environment, protecting the general atmosphere. For example, before visiting some destinations, the tour guide should inform travelers to adhere to the regulations in these places to maintain a refreshing atmosphere. Hence, through this solution, some nations can mitigate environmental degradation.

In conclusion, although there will still be some hardships that can pose a threat to the general environment, some countries can solve this problem by raising awareness among visitors. Moreover, the merits of the large quantity of tourists can outweigh the drawbacks, which include raising reputation and fostering the economy in various ways.