Task 2: Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, government should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Task 2: Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, government
should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People's opinions differ as to whether or not the field of health care should be taken the priority over other fields when allocating the taxes. While it is argued that the the government ought to invest more money into health care, I strongly believe that they should consider allocating tax expenses equally to all social fields because it helps the country to develop in a comprehensive way and to consolidate the residents' beliefs.
On the one hand, there are a major reason why goverments should take the health care as the first priority. Obviously, investing more capital into health care means that most people across the country have opportunities to be exposed to superior health care conditions. We can witness that most large and prestigious hospitals are constructed in the center of cities. In addition, these hospitals are provided with modern facilities and accomplished doctors. Therefore, the urban residents are likely to have more chance to cure their ailment than the rural residents. Take Cho Ray and the Hospital of the University of Medicine and Pharmacy in Ho Chi Minh City as typical examples. When people in rural areas get severe illnesses and the rural hospitals are not capable of curing, they must pay a visit to Ho Chi Minh City for treatment. So if the government allocates more tax-payer's money into health care, there will be more prestigious hospitals built in the countryside.
In spite of the above argument, I support the view that the government should spend taxes on all fields equally. First and foremost, it is beneficial to the country's comprehensive development. Actually, to make a society prosperous, apart from health care, there are other significant aspects such as, education, transportation, technology, environment, culture, etc. that the authorities should consider. Only when these mentioned aspects are invested equally will the country can promote its growth. Secondly, spending tax money equally also helps to reinforce the country citizens' beliefs. In fact, when individuals perform their tax liability, they have a desire that this money will be used to serve people in the country. Consequently, they may not feel that they are forced to pay taxes, or tax liability is their financial burden. By contrast, they will feel voluntary when performing their tax liability.
In conclusion, while it is apparent that investing more money into health care brings us benefit, it is undeniable that dividing taxes among all social segments may promote the development of the country and strengthen the citizens' beliefs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "People’s opinions differ as to whether or not" -> "Opinions vary regarding whether"
   Explanation: "Opinions vary regarding whether" is more concise and formal, fitting better in an academic context than the more conversational "People’s opinions differ as to whether or not."

2. "the field of health care should be taken the priority" -> "health care should be prioritized"
   Explanation: "Should be prioritized" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward construction "taken the priority."

3. "the government ought to invest more money into health care" -> "the government should invest more funds in healthcare"
   Explanation: "Should invest more funds in healthcare" uses more precise and formal terminology, replacing "money" with "funds" and "health care" with "healthcare" to align with standard usage in formal writing.

4. "it helps the country to develop in a comprehensive way" -> "it contributes to the comprehensive development of the country"
   Explanation: "Contributes to the comprehensive development of the country" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

5. "a major reason why goverments" -> "a major reason why governments"
   Explanation: Corrects the typo "goverments" to "governments" for grammatical accuracy.

6. "take the health care as the first priority" -> "prioritize healthcare"
   Explanation: "Prioritize healthcare" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "take the health care as the first priority."

7. "investing more capital into health care means that most people" -> "investing more capital in healthcare means that many individuals"
   Explanation: "Many individuals" is more precise and formal than "most people," and "in healthcare" is the correct prepositional phrase.

8. "We can witness that most large and prestigious hospitals are constructed in the center of cities" -> "It is evident that many large and prestigious hospitals are located in city centers"
   Explanation: "It is evident that many large and prestigious hospitals are located in city centers" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "We can witness."

9. "the urban residents are likely to have more chance to cure their ailment" -> "urban residents are more likely to have a greater chance of curing their ailments"
   Explanation: "Are more likely to have a greater chance of curing their ailments" corrects the awkward phrasing and uses more precise medical terminology.

10. "the government allocates more tax-payer’s money" -> "the government allocates more taxpayer funds"
    Explanation: "Taxpayer funds" is the correct term, and removing the hyphen from "tax-payer’s" corrects the possessive form.

11. "there will be more prestigious hospitals built in the countryside" -> "more prestigious hospitals will be built in rural areas"
    Explanation: "Rural areas" is a more formal term than "the countryside," and the rephrasing improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.

12. "spending tax money equally also helps to reinforce the country citizens’ beliefs" -> "equally distributing tax funds also strengthens national unity"
    Explanation: "Equally distributing tax funds also strengthens national unity" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "reinforce the country citizens’ beliefs."

13. "they may not feel that they are forced to pay taxes" -> "they may not perceive taxation as an obligation"
    Explanation: "Perceive taxation as an obligation" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "feel that they are forced to pay taxes."

14. "they will feel voluntary when performing their tax liability" -> "they will feel a sense of voluntary compliance when fulfilling their tax obligations"
    Explanation: "A sense of voluntary compliance when fulfilling their tax obligations" is more formal and accurately describes the intended meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the allocation of tax money, presenting arguments for prioritizing health care as well as for a more balanced approach across various sectors. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide substantial arguments for each side. However, the essay could improve by explicitly stating the counterargument more thoroughly in the first body paragraph, as it primarily focuses on the benefits of health care without fully exploring the opposing viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a more detailed discussion of the potential downsides of prioritizing health care over other sectors, such as education or infrastructure. This would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in tax allocation.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position that emphasizes the need for equal allocation of tax funds across various sectors. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the second body paragraph where the benefits of a balanced approach are articulated. However, the transition between the two views could be clearer, as the initial argument for health care lacks a strong rebuttal to the counterargument.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift from discussing health care to advocating for a balanced approach. Phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could help signal this transition more effectively.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas and supports them with examples, particularly in discussing the benefits of health care investment and the need for comprehensive development. The use of specific examples, such as hospitals in urban versus rural areas, adds depth to the argument. However, some ideas could be further extended, particularly the discussion on how equal allocation of taxes can reinforce citizens’ beliefs.
  • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer could provide more specific examples or data to illustrate how equal tax distribution has historically benefited societies. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of citizens feeling more engaged with their tax contributions could enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of tax allocation, discussing both perspectives and providing a personal opinion. There are minor instances where the discussion could seem tangential, such as the mention of citizens’ feelings about tax liability, which, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of tax allocation priorities. Streamlining the discussion to avoid any potential digressions and ensuring that all examples and arguments tie back to the main thesis will enhance coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer could further elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the reasons for prioritizing health care, while the second body paragraph presents the counter-argument for equal allocation of tax funds. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from discussing health care to other sectors feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, summarizing the main point of each paragraph at the beginning or end can help reinforce the logical progression of ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each one dedicated to a specific argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into the pros and cons of prioritizing health care versus a more balanced approach. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly states the argument for prioritizing health care.
  • How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences to clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. This will guide readers through your arguments more effectively. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a concluding sentence that summarizes the key point, reinforcing the argument made.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "In addition," and "Consequently," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "the government should" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the government should," you could vary it with "authorities ought to" or "it is essential for policymakers to." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In contrast," can enhance the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on improving transitions, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can reach an even higher level of clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "allocate," "invest," "prosperous," and "prestigious." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the phrase "the government should spend taxes on all fields equally" could be expressed in different ways, such as "the government should distribute tax revenue across various sectors" to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. Utilizing a thesaurus can help in finding alternative expressions. Additionally, incorporating more topic-specific vocabulary related to economics and public policy could elevate the essay’s lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "the the government ought to invest more money into health care" includes a typographical error and could be more concisely stated as "the government should prioritize investment in health care." Furthermore, the term "tax expenses" is somewhat awkward; "tax revenue allocation" would be more precise.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on contextually appropriate vocabulary. Reviewing common collocations and phrases used in discussions about taxation and public spending can help refine language use. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and specificity will also aid in this area.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "goverments" (should be "governments") and "tax-payer’s" (should be "taxpayers’"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can strengthen spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By actively working on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as “While it is argued that the government ought to invest more money into health care, I strongly believe that they should consider allocating tax expenses equally to all social fields…” showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures are repetitive, particularly in the second paragraph where the phrase “the government should” is used multiple times in similar contexts. This reduces the overall variety and can make the writing feel monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should experiment with varying sentence openings and incorporating different types of clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with “the government should,” the writer could use phrases like “It is essential for the government to…” or “One could argue that…” to introduce ideas. Additionally, integrating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences (e.g., “If the government allocates more funds to health care, it could lead to…”) could further diversify the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase “there are a major reason why goverments should take the health care as the first priority” contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be “there are major reasons.” Additionally, the incorrect use of “the the” is a typographical error that should be corrected. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but the use of commas could be improved, particularly in lists, such as in “education, transportation, technology, environment, culture, etc.” where the comma before “etc.” is unnecessary.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay to catch typographical errors and ensure subject-verb agreement. Practicing sentence construction with a focus on agreement and plurality can help. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in lists and complex sentences, would enhance clarity. For example, the writer could revise the list to avoid ambiguity by restructuring it: “significant aspects such as education, transportation, technology, the environment, and culture that the authorities should consider.” This not only clarifies the list but also improves the flow of the sentence.

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

People’s opinions vary regarding whether the field of health care should be prioritized over other sectors when allocating tax revenue. While some argue that the government ought to invest more funds in health care, I strongly believe that they should consider distributing tax expenses equally across all social fields, as this approach contributes to the comprehensive development of the country and reinforces the residents’ beliefs.

On the one hand, there are major reasons why governments should prioritize health care. It is evident that investing more capital into health care means that many individuals across the country will have access to superior health care conditions. We can observe that many large and prestigious hospitals are located in city centers, equipped with modern facilities and accomplished doctors. Consequently, urban residents are more likely to have a greater chance of curing their ailments compared to those in rural areas. For instance, Cho Ray Hospital and the Hospital of the University of Medicine and Pharmacy in Ho Chi Minh City serve as typical examples. When individuals in rural areas face severe illnesses and local hospitals are unable to provide adequate treatment, they must travel to Ho Chi Minh City for care. Therefore, if the government allocates more taxpayer funds to health care, more prestigious hospitals will be built in rural areas.

Despite the above argument, I support the view that the government should spend taxes on all sectors equally. First and foremost, this approach is beneficial for the country’s comprehensive development. To foster a prosperous society, it is essential to invest in various significant areas such as education, transportation, technology, environment, and culture. Only by equally investing in these sectors can the country promote its overall growth. Secondly, distributing tax funds equally also strengthens national unity. When individuals fulfill their tax obligations, they hope that their contributions will serve the needs of the entire population. As a result, they may not perceive taxation as an obligation or a financial burden. Instead, they will feel a sense of voluntary compliance when fulfilling their tax responsibilities.

In conclusion, while it is clear that investing more money into health care brings benefits, it is undeniable that equally distributing taxes among all social sectors may enhance the country’s development and strengthen citizens’ beliefs.