Task 2: Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Write at least 250 words.
Task 2: Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Write at least 250 words.
There is a dispute about how people should work. Although, it is argued by some that competition at work, at educational institutions, and even in a daily life gives more benefits. I agree with the stance that we should make an effort to work together instead of competing against each other.
To commence with, on the one hand, competitions and challenges could lead to getting motivation and incentive to be better than others. In the light of the fact that some individuals begin doing something only after seeing how others do it. For instance, athletes consistently train and strive to become better owing to competitions. Another main reason for this is the fact that people crave to feel superiority over others and aspire to be the best.
On the other hand, some people support the opinion that we should work in teams and assist each other. And I wholeheartedly agree with this point of view. In this case, people will learn to communicate and interact with others. A good example of this can be seen at schools or universities. There, students occasionally have to do tasks in groups and develop teamwork abilities. Due to this, in the future they become good members of society. And one more benefit is that they feel their significance in the community.
In conclusion, summing up all the arguments, both sides of the debate have their merits. Competitions and challenges give people motivation and a feeling of superiority. Meanwhile, cooperating and teamwork give soft skills and a feeling of significance. And personally, I believe that working together is more beneficial and effective way to achieve goals and develop personal skills.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There is a dispute about how people should work." -> "There is a debate regarding the optimal approach to work."
Explanation: The phrase "There is a dispute about how people should work" is somewhat vague and informal. "There is a debate regarding the optimal approach to work" refines the language to be more specific and formal, suitable for an academic context. -
"it is argued by some" -> "it is contended by some"
Explanation: "It is argued by some" is somewhat informal and vague. "It is contended by some" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better. -
"gives more benefits" -> "offers more benefits"
Explanation: "Gives" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "offers," which is more formal and commonly used in academic writing. -
"make an effort to work together" -> "endeavor to collaborate"
Explanation: "Make an effort to work together" is a bit informal and colloquial. "Endeavor to collaborate" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic standards. -
"competitions and challenges could lead to getting motivation and incentive" -> "competitions and challenges can foster motivation and incentives"
Explanation: "Could lead to getting" is awkward and informal. "Can foster" is more direct and formal, and "incentives" should be plural to match the context. -
"some individuals begin doing something only after seeing how others do it" -> "some individuals initiate activities only after observing others’ approaches"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks precision. The revised version is more formal and specific. -
"crave to feel superiority over others" -> "desire to surpass others"
Explanation: "Crave to feel superiority over others" is overly emotional and informal. "Desire to surpass others" is more objective and academically appropriate. -
"And I wholeheartedly agree with this point of view" -> "I fully concur with this perspective"
Explanation: "Wholeheartedly agree" is overly emotional and informal. "Fully concur" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"communicate and interact with others" -> "interact and communicate effectively with others"
Explanation: Adding "effectively" enhances the precision and formality of the statement, emphasizing the quality of communication. -
"good example of this can be seen at schools or universities" -> "a notable example of this can be observed in schools and universities"
Explanation: "Good example" is vague and informal. "Notable example" is more specific and formal, and "can be observed" is more precise than "can be seen." -
"become good members of society" -> "develop into valuable members of society"
Explanation: "Become good members" is informal and lacks specificity. "Develop into valuable members" is more formal and descriptive. -
"And one more benefit is that they feel their significance in the community" -> "Additionally, they derive a sense of significance within the community"
Explanation: "And one more benefit is that" is informal and repetitive. "Additionally" is more formal and "derive a sense of significance within the community" is more precise and formal. -
"working together is more beneficial and effective way to achieve goals and develop personal skills" -> "collaboration is a more beneficial and effective means of achieving goals and developing personal skills"
Explanation: "Working together is more beneficial and effective way" is informal and awkwardly phrased. "Collaboration is a more beneficial and effective means of achieving goals and developing personal skills" is more formal and grammatically correct.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding competition and cooperation, presenting arguments for each perspective. The introduction clearly outlines the two sides of the debate, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples and reasoning for both competition and cooperation. However, while the essay does mention both sides, the depth of analysis for the competition viewpoint could be enhanced. The discussion of competition is somewhat limited, primarily focusing on motivation and the desire for superiority, without exploring potential drawbacks or contexts where competition may be detrimental.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could include a more balanced examination of competition by discussing its potential negative impacts, such as stress or unhealthy rivalry. This would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic and demonstrate critical thinking.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring cooperation over competition, which is evident in the thesis statement and throughout the body paragraphs. The author consistently supports this stance, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the benefits of teamwork are elaborated upon. However, the transition between discussing competition and then pivoting to cooperation could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of competition to the subsequent argument for cooperation. This would create a more cohesive flow and reinforce the essay’s position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the debate. The examples provided, such as athletes training and students working in groups, effectively support the arguments. However, the extension of ideas could be improved; for instance, the benefits of teamwork could be further elaborated with additional examples or insights into how these skills translate into real-world scenarios.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the long-term benefits of cooperation. Additionally, integrating personal experiences or observations could add depth and authenticity to the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements and maintaining relevance throughout. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of "feeling superiority" in the competition section could be tied back more explicitly to how this affects workplace dynamics or personal relationships.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of the essay. This could involve reiterating how each point contributes to the overall argument about the value of cooperation versus competition, ensuring that all ideas are tightly aligned with the prompt.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the author’s perspective. With some refinements in depth of analysis, transitions, and examples, it could achieve an even higher level of coherence and insight.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the benefits of competition and then the advantages of cooperation, which helps in contrasting the two perspectives. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, as the shift from competition to cooperation feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in focus, such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand." Additionally, providing a brief summary of the previous point before introducing the next could help reinforce the connection between ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The first body paragraph discusses competition, while the second addresses cooperation. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the second body paragraph without a clear separation.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked as a separate paragraph. This can be achieved by starting it on a new line and using a phrase like "In conclusion" or "To summarize." Additionally, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea being discussed.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "for instance," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "in addition," and "however." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "competition," "motivation," "incentive," "superiority," and "teamwork." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the word "competition" and its derivatives. Phrases such as "working together" and "assist each other" are also used multiple times, which limits the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "competition," alternatives like "rivalry," "contest," or "competition dynamics" could be used. Additionally, varying expressions for "working together" such as "collaboration," "cooperation," or "joint efforts" would enrich the essay’s lexical diversity.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "in a daily life" should be "in daily life" for grammatical accuracy. The expression "the fact that some individuals begin doing something only after seeing how others do it" could be more concisely stated as "some individuals are motivated to act by observing others." This would enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for clarity and conciseness can help. Additionally, utilizing a thesaurus to find more precise terms can aid in expressing ideas more effectively.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no significant errors noted. However, the phrase "daily life gives more benefits" could be clearer if rephrased to "daily life offers more benefits," which would also enhance the overall flow. The spelling of individual words is correct, but attention should be given to the overall coherence of phrases.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors or awkward phrasing. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises can reinforce correct spelling habits.
In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining careful spelling practices, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and overall essay quality.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the phrase "Although, it is argued by some that competition at work, at educational institutions, and even in a daily life gives more benefits" employs a complex structure with a subordinate clause. Additionally, the use of phrases like "To commence with" and "On the other hand" effectively transitions between ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "Another main reason for this is the fact that…" which could be varied for greater impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "Another main reason for this is the fact that…", you could rephrase it to "Furthermore, many individuals believe that…" or "In addition to this, evidence suggests that…". Incorporating more relative clauses and participial phrases could also add complexity to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For instance, the phrase "Although, it is argued by some…" incorrectly places a comma after "Although," which disrupts the flow of the sentence. Additionally, the phrase "in a daily life" should be "in daily life" to avoid unnecessary articles. Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for clarity, especially in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on common structures and punctuation rules. For example, ensure that introductory clauses are not followed by a comma unless necessary. Review the use of articles, particularly with non-count nouns like "life." Practicing sentence diagramming can help identify areas where punctuation may be misused. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors before submission can enhance overall accuracy.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is a debate regarding the optimal approach to work. Although it is contended by some that competition at work, in educational institutions, and even in daily life offers more benefits, I fully concur with the perspective that we should endeavor to collaborate rather than compete against each other.
To commence with, on the one hand, competitions and challenges can foster motivation and incentives to excel. The fact that some individuals initiate activities only after observing others’ approaches illustrates this point. For instance, athletes consistently train and strive to improve due to the competitive environment. Another significant reason for this viewpoint is the desire to surpass others, which can drive individuals to achieve their personal best.
On the other hand, some people advocate for the importance of teamwork and mutual assistance. I wholeheartedly agree with this view. In this context, individuals learn to interact and communicate effectively with others. A notable example of this can be observed in schools and universities, where students often engage in group projects that help them develop teamwork skills. As a result, they grow into valuable members of society. Additionally, they derive a sense of significance within the community, which can enhance their overall well-being.
In conclusion, summing up all the arguments, both sides of the debate have their merits. Competitions and challenges provide motivation and a sense of superiority, while cooperation and teamwork cultivate essential soft skills and a feeling of significance. Personally, I believe that collaboration is a more beneficial and effective means of achieving goals and developing personal skills.