fbpx

Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that there are more advantages when we play sports in a team while others believe that individual playing in sports is better. I agree that playing in a team has its own benefits. However, participation in individual sports is still relevant and should not be forgotten.

There are several benefits when we choose to play sports in a team, such as it enhances our team work skill. When people take part in sports and play in a team. Teamwork is a requirement and extremely essential. Due to the fact that teamwork-sports is a sport where people are working together based on the team’s purpose and humanity spirit. For instance, Football is a teamwork-sports, it requires about 11 people. working together and dependence on each other. Beside that, it also improves confidence and understanding skills. confidence will constantly increase when people have to work and play with others. because when people play in a team, they have to know what is the best for their team, this leads to the result that the understanding skills will be development. .

On the other hand, It also has its own benefits when people play individual sports. People do not have to work with others, that results in them not having a conviction among people. Moreover, it a game that do not require a teamwork skills so people can concentrate on themselve and it help them growing faster and faster. such as swimming. Furthermore, The schedule will be more convenient and comfortable than playing in a team. Playing individual sports gives more independence and people can do what they want without relying on a team and the advantage of flexible time.

For some advantages mentioned above. I believe that teamwork-sports or individual sports have their own benefits. And, It depends on the purpose of the players.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
    Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often associated with informal or colloquial language in academic writing.

  2. "there are more advantages when we play sports in a team" -> "there are more benefits to playing sports in a team"
    Explanation: "Benefits" is a more specific and formal term than "advantages," and rephrasing the sentence structure improves clarity and formality.

  3. "individual playing in sports" -> "participating in individual sports"
    Explanation: "Participating in individual sports" is grammatically correct and more formal than the original phrase, which is awkwardly constructed.

  4. "it enhances our team work skill" -> "it enhances teamwork skills"
    Explanation: "Teamwork skills" is the correct noun form, and removing "our" makes the statement more general and applicable to a broader audience.

  5. "When people take part in sports and play in a team." -> "When individuals engage in sports and participate in team activities."
    Explanation: "Engage in" and "participate in" are more formal and precise verbs than "take part in" and "play," and "team activities" is a more specific term than "play in a team."

  6. "teamwork-sports" -> "team sports"
    Explanation: "Team sports" is the correct term, whereas "teamwork-sports" is a non-standard and unclear expression.

  7. "working together based on the team’s purpose and humanity spirit" -> "collaborating to achieve the team’s objectives and embodying the spirit of humanity"
    Explanation: "Collaborating" and "embodying" are more precise and formal terms, and "the spirit of humanity" is a more appropriate phrase than "humanity spirit."

  8. "Beside that" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "beside that," which is colloquial and informal.

  9. "it also improves confidence and understanding skills" -> "it also enhances confidence and understanding"
    Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise verb than "improves" in this context, and removing "skills" after "understanding" corrects the grammatical structure.

  10. "because when people play in a team, they have to know what is the best for their team, this leads to the result that the understanding skills will be development" -> "because when individuals participate in team sports, they must determine the best strategies for their team, thereby fostering the development of their understanding skills"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language, improving the flow and precision of the argument.

  11. "It also has its own benefits when people play individual sports" -> "Additionally, individual sports offer their own advantages"
    Explanation: "Additionally" is a more formal transitional word than "It also," and "offer their own advantages" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea.

  12. "People do not have to work with others, that results in them not having a conviction among people" -> "Individuals do not need to collaborate with others, thereby avoiding interpersonal conflicts"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "avoiding interpersonal conflicts" is a clearer and more precise description than "not having a conviction among people."

  13. "it a game that do not require a teamwork skills" -> "it is a game that does not require teamwork skills"
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and uses the singular "it" and "does not" for consistency and formality.

  14. "it help them growing faster and faster" -> "it helps them grow faster"
    Explanation: "Helps" is the correct form for the third person singular, and "grow" is the correct verb form for the context.

  15. "The schedule will be more convenient and comfortable than playing in a team" -> "The schedule is more convenient and comfortable than team participation"
    Explanation: "Is" corrects the tense to match the present context, and "team participation" is a more formal and precise term than "playing in a team."

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding team sports and individual sports, presenting arguments for each. The introduction clearly states the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide supporting details for both sides. However, the conclusion is somewhat vague and does not explicitly summarize the discussion or clearly state the writer’s opinion. The phrase "it depends on the purpose of the players" lacks specificity and does not fully encapsulate the writer’s stance.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that the conclusion explicitly states their opinion and summarizes the key points discussed. A more definitive statement about which type of sport they believe is ultimately more beneficial would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that favors team sports but does not maintain a consistent focus throughout. While the writer expresses agreement with the benefits of team sports, the discussion of individual sports is somewhat lengthy and could lead to confusion about the overall stance. Phrases like "it also has its own benefits" could mislead readers into thinking the writer is equally supportive of both sides.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should balance the discussion by ensuring that the arguments for team sports are more prominently featured. Additionally, they could use transitional phrases to reinforce their opinion throughout the essay, making it clear that while individual sports have benefits, team sports are preferred.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both team and individual sports, such as teamwork skills and independence. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of "understanding skills" lacks explanation and examples, which weakens the argument. The examples provided (like football and swimming) are relevant, but the connections between the ideas could be more explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, elaborating on how teamwork in sports translates to real-life skills would strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each point is clearly linked back to the main thesis will enhance coherence.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the benefits of both team and individual sports. However, some sentences are slightly off-topic or unclear, such as "that results in them not having a conviction among people," which could confuse readers. The phrasing sometimes detracts from the main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument. They should also avoid vague phrases and ensure clarity in their statements. Revising sentences for clarity and relevance will help keep the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in clarity, development, and focus will enhance the overall effectiveness and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing team sports and individual sports, and a conclusion. The arguments for both views are presented logically, with the writer stating their opinion in the introduction. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing team sports to individual sports is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would help guide the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the benefits of team sports, a sentence like "Conversely, individual sports also offer unique advantages that are worth considering" could provide a clearer transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the paragraphs could be further refined. The first paragraph, while discussing team sports, contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences or even sub-points. For instance, the discussion on teamwork skills and confidence could be split into two sentences for clarity.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are organized logically. Consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that point. This will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the other hand," and "for instance." These devices help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Due to the fact that teamwork-sports is a sport where people are working together" could be simplified and made more cohesive with a clearer link to the previous sentence.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely" to enhance connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that sentences flow logically into one another by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help improve cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger overall performance in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks variety. For instance, terms like "teamwork," "individual sports," and "benefits" are repeated without much variation. The phrase "working together" is used multiple times, indicating a limited lexical range.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "teamwork," consider using "collaboration," "cooperation," or "collective effort." Additionally, phrases like "advantages" could be varied with "benefits," "gains," or "positive aspects."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "teamwork-sports" is awkward and not commonly used; it would be clearer to say "team sports." The phrase "the understanding skills will be development" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Instead of "understanding skills," a more precise term could be "interpersonal skills" or "communication skills." Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy will enhance clarity; for example, "the development of understanding skills" would be a clearer expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "team work" (should be "teamwork"), "dependence" (should be "dependent"), and "themself" (should be "themselves"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a list of frequently used vocabulary can help reinforce correct spelling over time.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complex structures that could enhance clarity and depth. For example, the phrase "When people take part in sports and play in a team" is straightforward but could be varied with more complex clauses. Additionally, the use of phrases like "it enhances our team work skill" lacks sophistication and could be expressed in a more varied manner.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "People do not have to work with others," you could say, "While some people prefer the independence of individual sports, they may miss out on the collaborative benefits that team sports offer." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varying sentence beginnings can also enhance the overall range.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "teamwork-sports is a sport where people are working together based on the team’s purpose and humanity spirit" contains awkward phrasing and lacks proper punctuation. The phrase "confidence will constantly increase when people have to work and play with others" should not start with a lowercase letter after a period. Additionally, the use of "Beside that" should be "Besides that," and the sentence "this leads to the result that the understanding skills will be development" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "this leads to the development of understanding skills."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct article usage, and proper punctuation. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing writing can help. For punctuation, ensure that each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated, avoiding run-on sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, allowing for corrections before final submission.

In summary, to improve your score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focus on diversifying your sentence structures and enhancing your grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice and revision will lead to noticeable improvements in your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that there are more benefits to playing sports in a team, while others believe that participating in individual sports is better. I agree that playing in a team has its own advantages. However, participation in individual sports is still significant and should not be overlooked.

There are several benefits when we choose to engage in team sports, such as enhancing our teamwork skills. When individuals participate in sports and engage in team activities, teamwork becomes a necessity and is extremely essential. Team sports require players to collaborate to achieve the team’s objectives and embody the spirit of humanity. For instance, football is a team sport that requires about 11 people working together and depending on each other. Additionally, it also enhances confidence and understanding. Confidence tends to increase when individuals work and play with others because, in team sports, they must determine the best strategies for their team. This leads to the development of their understanding skills.

On the other hand, individual sports also offer their own advantages. Individuals do not need to collaborate with others, thereby avoiding interpersonal conflicts. Moreover, it is a game that does not require teamwork skills, allowing people to concentrate on themselves, which helps them grow at a faster pace, such as in swimming. Furthermore, the schedule is often more convenient and comfortable than team participation. Playing individual sports provides more independence, allowing individuals to pursue their interests without relying on a team and offering the advantage of flexible timing.

Considering the advantages mentioned above, I believe that both team sports and individual sports have their own benefits. Ultimately, it depends on the goals and preferences of the players.

Bài viết liên quan

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này