Task 2: Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but others believe it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Task 2: Some people think the government should pay for health care and education,
but others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give
your opinion.

A number of citizens believe that the government should fund education and health care while other people think that this issue is not the responsibility of the government. This essay will discuss and present both opinion below
To begin with, the government has responsibility with the education and hospital industries. The first reason is that healthcare is primarily the responsibility of individuals. Because individuals may have a private lifestyle, this problem is a way to manage themselves. They have to take care of themselves which prevent detrimental to their health. For example, citizens can generate a fitness regime to improve well- being. Moreover, education issue is the responsibility of biological parents. For example, they foster children, parents have to teach their and pay for class in school. Parents must pay attention for personal and rational of young people. When they focus on almost the capability to reach for way fostering, they will are the responsibility themselves
From my perspective, the discussion is that the government should fund education and healthcare industries. Firstly, If the government funds healthcare, citizens will experience improved health outcomes. For example, research into this issue should be funded by the government, who can reach for limited medicine for health risks. This will improve the ability of physical health of citizens leading to the development of a public society. A further argument supporting government funding is education. Investing in education significantly boosts national development about multi- faceted industries, especially economically. For example,improved education can cultivate highly skilled individuals who make contributions for the world. Consequently, they are likely to be in the future of the world who may dedicate their invention to scientists for the global.
In conclusion, it is undeniable true that the government does not need funding for healthcare and education since this is the responsibility of parents and individuals. Nevertheless, I maintained that it is more advantageous to both issue due to the improvement of life standard and a greater contribution to the global community

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "A number of citizens believe" -> "Many individuals believe"
   Explanation: "A number of citizens" is somewhat vague and informal. "Many individuals" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

2. "other people think" -> "others argue"
   Explanation: "Other people think" is informal and lacks specificity. "Others argue" is more formal and appropriate for academic discourse.

3. "This essay will discuss and present both opinion below" -> "This essay will discuss both perspectives below"
   Explanation: "Present both opinion" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Discuss both perspectives" is grammatically correct and more formal.

4. "the government has responsibility with the education and hospital industries" -> "the government has a responsibility in the education and healthcare sectors"
   Explanation: "Responsibility with" is incorrect. "Responsibility in" is the correct preposition, and "healthcare sectors" is a more precise term than "hospital industries."

5. "Because individuals may have a private lifestyle, this problem is a way to manage themselves" -> "Given that individuals may have a private lifestyle, this is a personal responsibility"
   Explanation: "This problem is a way to manage themselves" is unclear and informal. "This is a personal responsibility" is clearer and more formal.

6. "They have to take care of themselves which prevent detrimental to their health" -> "They must take care of themselves, thereby preventing detrimental effects on their health"
   Explanation: "Which prevent detrimental to their health" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

7. "generate a fitness regime" -> "establish a fitness regimen"
   Explanation: "Generate" is not the correct term here; "establish" is more appropriate for setting up a routine. "Regimen" is also the correct term for a regular plan or routine.

8. "education issue is the responsibility of biological parents" -> "the education of children is the responsibility of biological parents"
   Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revised version clarifies that the responsibility is for the education of children.

9. "they foster children, parents have to teach their and pay for class in school" -> "they foster children, parents must educate them and pay for their school fees"
   Explanation: "Teach their and pay for class in school" is awkward and unclear. "Educate them and pay for their school fees" is clearer and more formal.

10. "pay attention for personal and rational of young people" -> "pay attention to the personal and rational needs of young people"
    Explanation: "Pay attention for personal and rational of young people" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

11. "they will are the responsibility themselves" -> "they will take responsibility for themselves"
    Explanation: "They will are the responsibility themselves" is grammatically incorrect. "They will take responsibility for themselves" is grammatically correct and clearer.

12. "the government should fund education and healthcare industries" -> "the government should fund the education and healthcare sectors"
    Explanation: "Industries" is incorrect in this context; "sectors" is the appropriate term for referring to fields of activity like education and healthcare.

13. "improved education can cultivate highly skilled individuals who make contributions for the world" -> "improved education can cultivate highly skilled individuals who contribute to the world"
    Explanation: "Make contributions for the world" is awkward and incorrect. "Contribute to the world" is grammatically correct and more formal.

14. "they are likely to be in the future of the world who may dedicate their invention to scientists for the global" -> "they are likely to be future leaders who may dedicate their inventions to global scientific advancements"
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves the formality and flow of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding whether the government should fund health care and education. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that individuals should take responsibility for their health and education, while the second paragraph presents the opposing view that government funding is essential. However, the discussion of the first viewpoint lacks depth and clarity, particularly in the explanation of individual responsibility. For instance, the argument about individuals managing their health through personal fitness regimes is somewhat vague and does not fully articulate why this absolves the government of responsibility.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed arguments and examples for both perspectives. For the view against government funding, it would be beneficial to elaborate on the potential consequences of individuals not taking responsibility. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies could strengthen the argument and provide a more balanced discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion that the government should fund education and healthcare, but this position is somewhat muddled. The conclusion states that the government does not need to fund these sectors, which contradicts the earlier assertion that it is advantageous for the government to do so. This inconsistency can confuse readers regarding the writer’s true stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion aligns with the arguments made in the body of the essay. A clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the writer’s opinion would help guide the reader. Additionally, reaffirming this stance in the conclusion without introducing conflicting ideas would enhance clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but often lacks sufficient development and support. For example, the argument that government funding leads to improved health outcomes is mentioned but not thoroughly explained or supported with evidence. The mention of "research into this issue" is vague and does not provide a concrete example or data to substantiate the claim.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each idea presented, providing specific examples, data, or research findings that support their arguments. Using clear and relevant examples will not only strengthen the argument but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the responsibilities of individuals versus the government regarding healthcare and education. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the first paragraph, where the argument about parental responsibility for education is not clearly linked back to the government’s role.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of government responsibility. Using topic sentences that clearly connect back to the prompt can help maintain relevance throughout the essay. Additionally, avoiding tangential ideas will keep the discussion concise and on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents both views, it requires clearer articulation of arguments, better support for ideas, and a consistent position to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views regarding government responsibility for healthcare and education. However, the logical flow within paragraphs is somewhat inconsistent. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses individual responsibilities but lacks a clear transition to the second body paragraph, which shifts to the author’s perspective. The ideas in the first body paragraph are not fully developed, leading to confusion about the argument’s progression.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, use transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "In contrast") to guide the reader through the argument. Consider structuring the essay with a clear distinction between discussing both views in separate paragraphs before presenting your opinion in a dedicated section.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their effectiveness is compromised by unclear boundaries and insufficient development of ideas. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas about individual responsibility without clearly separating them into distinct points. The second paragraph, while presenting the author’s opinion, also lacks clear separation of arguments and examples, making it difficult to follow.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on healthcare responsibilities and the other on educational responsibilities. This would allow for more detailed exploration of each point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and concludes with a summary or transition to the next point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Consequently." However, the range is limited, and some devices are used incorrectly or awkwardly. For instance, phrases like "who can reach for limited medicine" are unclear and disrupt the flow of the argument. Additionally, the essay lacks effective referencing back to previous ideas, which can help maintain coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "However," "As a result"). Ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument. Practice using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help create a smoother flow throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, phrases like "health care," "education," and "public society" indicate an understanding of relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly in discussing the roles of government and individuals. Words such as "responsibility" and "fund" appear multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "responsibility," alternatives like "obligation," "duty," or "accountability" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "financial support" or "government investment" in place of "fund" would diversify the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While there are instances of appropriate vocabulary, there are also several imprecise usages that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "healthcare is primarily the responsibility of individuals" could be misleading, as it suggests that government involvement is negligible. Additionally, the phrase "generate a fitness regime" could be more clearly expressed as "establish a fitness routine." The sentence "parents must pay attention for personal and rational of young people" is particularly unclear and awkwardly phrased.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Revising sentences for clearer meaning would help. For instance, the aforementioned sentence could be revised to "parents must pay attention to the personal and intellectual development of young people." This not only clarifies the intent but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect readability and professionalism. Words like "well-being" (written as "well- being") and "multi-faceted" (written as "multi- faceted") are incorrectly spaced, which could confuse readers. Additionally, "rational" is used in a context that suggests a spelling error for "rationale," further indicating a lack of attention to detail.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring proper spacing. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch errors. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and spelling exercises can further strengthen spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating synonyms, focusing on clarity in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("This essay will discuss and present both opinion below") and compound sentences ("Firstly, If the government funds healthcare, citizens will experience improved health outcomes"). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For instance, the repeated use of "the government" as the subject leads to a monotonous rhythm. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the responsibility of individuals" and "the capability to reach for way fostering," which detracts from clarity and effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied sentence openings. For example, using introductory phrases or clauses can enhance the flow. Instead of starting multiple sentences with "the government," consider using passive constructions or varying the subject. Practicing the use of relative clauses and conjunctions can also help create more complex sentences, making the writing more engaging.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the government has responsibility with the education and hospital industries" should be "the government has a responsibility for education and healthcare." The phrase "parents have to teach their and pay for class in school" is incomplete and unclear. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of conjunctions, contribute to run-on sentences, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. For instance, "the responsibility of individuals" should be revised to "the responsibility of individuals." Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can improve clarity. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing, potentially raising their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

A number of citizens believe that the government should fund education and healthcare, while others argue that this issue is not the government’s responsibility. This essay will discuss both perspectives below.

To begin with, many individuals believe that the government has a responsibility in the education and healthcare sectors. One reason is that healthcare is primarily the responsibility of individuals. Given that individuals may have a private lifestyle, this is a personal responsibility. They must take care of themselves, thereby preventing detrimental effects on their health. For example, citizens can establish a fitness regimen to improve their well-being. Moreover, the education of children is the responsibility of biological parents. For instance, when they foster children, parents must educate them and pay for their school fees. Parents must pay attention to the personal and rational needs of young people. When they focus on fostering their capabilities, they will take responsibility for themselves.

From my perspective, others argue that the government should fund the education and healthcare sectors. Firstly, if the government funds healthcare, citizens will experience improved health outcomes. For example, research into health issues should be funded by the government, which can provide access to essential medicine for health risks. This will enhance the physical health of citizens, leading to the development of a healthier society. A further argument supporting government funding is education. Investing in education significantly boosts national development across multifaceted industries, especially economically. For example, improved education can cultivate highly skilled individuals who contribute to the world. Consequently, they are likely to be future leaders who may dedicate their inventions to global scientific advancements.

In conclusion, while it is true that some believe the government does not need to fund healthcare and education since this is the responsibility of parents and individuals, I maintain that it is more advantageous for the government to be involved. This involvement leads to an improved standard of living and a greater contribution to the global community.