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Task 2: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Task 2: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is a controversial issue about whether we ought to concentrate on our major, or spending time on some extra subjects. In this following essay, I will shed light on the key rationales why individuals hold firm that main subjects are primary objectives, prior to analyzing some benefits of study in a balanced way.

Undoubtedly, excelling in main subjects not only helps you in university, but also in your future career. Studying your major never wastes your time, because it is the preparation for the course. Besides, learning other fields hinders the process of excelling in your specialized subject. For example, medicine is deemed a harsh field that includes the combination of mathematics, chemistry, and more, and students have to concentrate on these faculties to become a doctor.

While studying a major is crucial, learning other subjects is also beneficial. Firstly, There is no guarantee that your major is similar to your future business. If you spend all of your time studying the major and become bored, you can’t bounce back from failures. In addition, learning other subjects can enhance some of your social skills. For instance, examining law helps you know more about the activities that are n't done in public, in traffic, and more. Moreover, if you are a science specialized student, learning a bit of history is useful in your routine.

In conclusion, although a major is essential with your future career, implementing knowledge of other fields not only prepares you for the failure situation, but also provides more general understanding.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "ought to concentrate" -> "should focus"
    Explanation: Replacing "ought to concentrate" with "should focus" maintains formality while using a more direct and academically appropriate expression.

  2. "shed light on the key rationales" -> "explore the main reasons"
    Explanation: The phrase "shed light on the key rationales" is slightly informal. "Explore the main reasons" provides a more formal and precise alternative.

  3. "hold firm that main subjects" -> "assert that core subjects"
    Explanation: "Hold firm" is a bit informal, and replacing it with "assert" maintains formality. Also, changing "main subjects" to "core subjects" adds precision and sophistication.

  4. "never wastes your time" -> "is never time wasted"
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for better flow while maintaining the intended meaning. The revised structure is more fitting for formal writing.

  5. "hinders the process of excelling" -> "impedes the pursuit of excellence"
    Explanation: Replacing "hinders the process of excelling" with "impedes the pursuit of excellence" enhances the formality and uses more sophisticated vocabulary.

  6. "medicine is deemed a harsh field" -> "medicine is considered a rigorous discipline"
    Explanation: Replacing "harsh field" with "rigorous discipline" maintains formality and provides a more precise term for the context.

  7. "similar to your future business" -> "aligned with your future career"
    Explanation: "Similar to your future business" is a bit informal. Using "aligned with your future career" expresses the idea more formally and precisely.

  8. "can’t bounce back" -> "may struggle to recover"
    Explanation: Replacing "can’t bounce back" with "may struggle to recover" adds a more formal tone while maintaining the original meaning.

  9. "enhance some of your social skills" -> "improve certain social skills"
    Explanation: The phrase "enhance some of your social skills" can be refined to "improve certain social skills" for a more formal and precise expression.

  10. "are n’t done in public, in traffic, and more" -> "occur in public spaces, traffic, and beyond"
    Explanation: Adjusting the phrase "are n’t done in public, in traffic, and more" to "occur in public spaces, traffic, and beyond" maintains formality and clarity.

  11. "if you are a science specialized student" -> "if you are a student specializing in science"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better clarity and formality. "Science specialized student" is adjusted to "student specializing in science" for a more appropriate academic tone.

  12. "although a major is essential with your future career" -> "while a major is essential for your future career"
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence to improve clarity and formality. "With your future career" is changed to "for your future career" for better preposition usage.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both views presented in the prompt. The introduction sets up the discussion by introducing the controversy surrounding the concentration on major subjects versus exploring additional subjects. The subsequent paragraphs delve into the advantages of focusing on the major and also highlight the benefits of learning other subjects.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers both perspectives, a more explicit statement of the writer’s own opinion in the introduction or a dedicated conclusion paragraph could strengthen the overall response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for a balanced approach that combines a focus on the major with the benefits of learning other subjects. The writer consistently supports this stance by providing examples and arguments for both sides.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is necessary for this criterion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a clear manner. However, some areas lack depth, such as the discussion on the benefits of studying the major, which could be expanded to provide a more comprehensive analysis. Examples provided, like in the case of medicine, effectively support the arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay, extend the discussion on the benefits of focusing on the major, providing additional examples or specific details to bolster the points made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the main points related to the concentration on major subjects versus exploring additional subjects. However, there are instances where the essay tends to be repetitive and could benefit from more focused development of ideas.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argument. Avoid unnecessary repetition, and strive for a more concise and structured presentation of ideas.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear stance throughout. To improve, consider explicitly stating the writer’s opinion and expanding the discussion on the benefits of focusing on the major. Additionally, work on eliminating unnecessary repetition to ensure a more focused and concise essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the two perspectives and the author’s opinion. The body paragraphs are somewhat organized, with one focusing on the importance of the major and the other on the benefits of learning other subjects. However, the lack of a clear topic sentence in the second paragraph might confuse the reader. The conclusion, while concise, restates the importance of the major without summarizing the main points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to the thesis statement. Additionally, the conclusion should briefly recap the main points from each body paragraph to strengthen the overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but there are some issues with structure and effectiveness. The second paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence, making it challenging to discern the central idea. The third paragraph starts with a sentence fragment and might benefit from a stronger transition from the previous point. Overall, the essay lacks a smooth transition between paragraphs, affecting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating clear and effective topic sentences for each paragraph. Ensure that paragraphs are well-structured with a logical flow of ideas. Use transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next, enhancing overall paragraph cohesion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In conclusion" and "Moreover," but there is room for improvement. The transitions between sentences and ideas are sometimes abrupt, affecting the overall coherence. More varied and sophisticated cohesive devices, such as pronouns, parallel structures, or transitional expressions, could be integrated to create a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Use pronouns, parallel structures, and transitional expressions strategically to enhance coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the overall flow of the essay, ensuring a seamless connection between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, including terms related to the essay prompt such as "major subjects," "specialized subject," and "future career." However, there is room for improvement as the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, and there is a lack of diversity in expressing ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating more varied and nuanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "major," explore synonyms like "core discipline" or "primary field of study." Additionally, aim to introduce more specialized terminology related to the discussed subjects to showcase a broader lexical repertoire.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is inconsistent throughout the essay. There are instances where the meaning is clear and specific, such as "specialized subject" and "future business." However, some expressions lack precision, such as "harsh field" in reference to medicine.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully choose words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Instead of "harsh field," consider using terms like "demanding profession" or "rigorous discipline" to provide a more accurate and nuanced description. This will contribute to a more refined and precise use of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory. However, there are instances of minor spelling errors, such as "rationales" (plural of rationale) and "n’t" (should be "not"). These errors, while not pervasive, slightly affect the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, pay close attention to details during the proofreading process. Utilize tools like spell-check to catch minor errors. Additionally, develop a habit of reviewing your writing systematically to identify and rectify any spelling mistakes before submission. This will contribute to a polished and error-free essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary and spelling, refining the precision and variety of language will contribute to a more sophisticated and impactful piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to incorporate different sentence forms, including complex and compound structures. However, some sentence constructions are repetitive, and the essay tends to rely on simpler sentences, affecting the overall variety. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases to connect ideas could be more diverse for smoother coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound sentences. Vary the length of sentences for better rhythm and flow. Integrate a wider range of transitional phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "rationales why individuals hold firm"). Punctuation is used adequately, but there is room for improvement in terms of comma placement for enhanced clarity. Additionally, some sentences could benefit from restructuring to avoid ambiguity.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical accuracy. Pay careful attention to comma usage, placing them appropriately to avoid confusion and enhance clarity. Review sentences that may seem ambiguous and consider restructuring them for a more concise and straightforward expression of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for refinement in sentence structure variety and precise grammar usage. Incorporating these improvements will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing debate on whether one should focus solely on their major or allocate time to explore other subjects. In this essay, I will delve into the main reasons some advocate for prioritizing main subjects before discussing the benefits of a more balanced approach to studying.

Undoubtedly, focusing on excelling in your main subjects is crucial, not only for success in university but also for your future career. It is argued that dedicating time to your major is never time wasted as it serves as essential preparation for your chosen course. Moreover, delving into other fields can impede the pursuit of excellence in your specialized subject. Take medicine, for instance, which is considered a rigorous discipline requiring concentration on various facets such as mathematics and chemistry to become a competent doctor.

While emphasis on a major is important, there are notable benefits to exploring other subjects. Firstly, there is no guarantee that your major will align perfectly with your future profession. Investing all your time exclusively in your major may result in boredom, and recovering from such setbacks can be challenging. Additionally, delving into diverse subjects can improve certain social skills. For example, studying law can provide insights into activities that may not be apparent in public spaces or traffic. Furthermore, for science-focused students, gaining knowledge in areas like history can prove useful in their daily lives.

In conclusion, while a major is essential for future career alignment, incorporating knowledge from diverse fields not only prepares you for unforeseen challenges but also fosters a more comprehensive understanding of the world.

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