Task 2:Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Task 2:Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It was sometimes argued that many large corporations should prioritize CEOS and executives to receive a high level of salaries compared to other staff. In my opinion, I advocate this point of view and this essay will give further explanation
There are a variety of reasons why I believe senior executives deserve to get a high wage. Firstly, they may have to take enormous responsibilities for the development of companies because each of their decisions can influence significantly on the success of the business in the future. In fact, unlike the personnels, they only take charge of one or some tasks, CEOs or senior managers usually take on many tough duties such as organizing strategies, setting the company's strategic visions and assisting the business over challenging periods. Moreover, they might cope with much great pressure and tension because they always have to give creative and innovative ideas to help the businesses be able to compete others.
Furthermore, the idea of offering higher remuneration for CEOs and executives is reasonable due to their specialized skills and expertise. For example, in many big corporations like Apple, Samsung as well as Amazon, they are ready to pay a substantial amount of individuals who are proficient in these areas and can provide various unique and new ideas for their company. Besides, disbursing high salaries to CEOs and executives can motivate other employees within the company. By creating a clear path to the top with attractive compensation, companies can encourage hard work and a culture of excellence among their workforce, contributing to drive overall company performance
In conclusion, for the reason I have mentioned above, it seems to me that CEOs and managers should continue to keep this idea because of their critical responsibilities, rare expertise and the influence they have on a company's success.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"It was sometimes argued" -> "It has been argued"
Explanation: "It has been argued" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general opinion or argument in academic writing, enhancing the tone of the essay. -
"CEOS" -> "CEOs"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. "CEOs" should be capitalized as it is an acronym for Chief Executive Officers, following standard capitalization rules for proper nouns. -
"I advocate this point of view" -> "I support this perspective"
Explanation: "Support" is more formal and academically appropriate than "advocate," which can imply a more personal or emotional stance. -
"further explanation" -> "further explanation"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "further" should not be repeated in this context. -
"enormous responsibilities" -> "significant responsibilities"
Explanation: "Significant" is more precise and less colloquial than "enormous," which can imply exaggeration or hyperbole, which is less suitable for academic writing. -
"each of their decisions can influence significantly on the success" -> "each of their decisions can significantly influence the success"
Explanation: The phrase "can influence significantly on the success" is grammatically incorrect. The correct structure is "can significantly influence the success," which is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"personnels" -> "employees"
Explanation: "Personnels" is not commonly used in modern English and can be confusing. "Employees" is the standard term in formal and academic contexts. -
"much great pressure and tension" -> "considerable pressure and tension"
Explanation: "Much great" is redundant and informal. "Considerable" is more precise and formal, avoiding redundancy and enhancing the academic tone. -
"always have to give creative and innovative ideas" -> "must consistently provide innovative ideas"
Explanation: "Must consistently provide" is more formal and precise than "always have to give," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"be able to compete others" -> "compete with others"
Explanation: "Compete others" is grammatically incorrect. "Compete with others" is the correct prepositional phrase needed for this context. -
"substantial amount of individuals" -> "substantial number of individuals"
Explanation: "Amount" is incorrect here as it refers to quantity of something measurable, whereas "number" is the correct term for counting individuals. -
"disbursing high salaries" -> "paying high salaries"
Explanation: "Disbursing" is less common and slightly awkward in this context. "Paying" is straightforward and commonly used in formal writing. -
"creating a clear path to the top with attractive compensation" -> "establishing a clear career path with attractive compensation"
Explanation: "Creating a clear path to the top" is vague and informal. "Establishing a clear career path" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing. -
"drive overall company performance" -> "enhance overall company performance"
Explanation: "Drive" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Enhance" is more precise and appropriate for formal academic writing, indicating improvement or increase in performance. -
"it seems to me" -> "it appears"
Explanation: "It seems to me" is conversational and less formal. "It appears" is more neutral and suitable for academic writing, avoiding the personal pronoun "me."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear agreement with the idea that large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. The writer provides reasons supporting this stance, such as the significant responsibilities and pressures faced by executives, as well as their specialized skills. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more balanced approach to the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could briefly mention potential arguments against high executive salaries, such as income inequality or the contributions of lower-level employees. Addressing these points would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is clearly stated in the introduction and consistently maintained throughout the essay. The use of phrases like "I advocate this point of view" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the conclusion could be more impactful by reiterating the main arguments in a succinct manner, which would reinforce the position.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency, the writer could restate their position in the conclusion more emphatically, summarizing the key reasons why they believe higher salaries for CEOs and executives are justified.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the responsibilities of executives and the motivation that high salaries can provide to other employees. Examples from well-known companies like Apple and Amazon effectively support the argument. However, some points could be further elaborated for greater depth, particularly regarding the impact of executive decisions on company performance.
- How to improve: The writer should consider providing more specific examples or data to support their claims about the positive effects of high executive salaries on company performance and employee motivation. This could include statistics on company success linked to executive leadership or case studies of companies that have thrived under strong executive guidance.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the reasons for supporting higher salaries for CEOs and executives without straying into unrelated areas. The logical flow of ideas contributes to the overall coherence of the argument. However, there are minor instances where the language could be more precise, such as "compete others," which could be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, the writer should ensure that all language used is precise and clear. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would help maintain the essay’s professionalism and clarity.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument, but incorporating a counterargument, enhancing the conclusion, and providing more specific examples could elevate it further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of higher salaries for CEOs and executives, with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the writer’s opinion and outlining the essay’s purpose. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific reason supporting this viewpoint, such as the responsibilities of executives and their specialized skills. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the connection between the pressure faced by executives and their remuneration is not explicitly stated, which may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas. For example, after discussing the responsibilities of executives, you could introduce the next point with a phrase like, "In addition to these responsibilities, their specialized skills also justify higher salaries." This would create a clearer connection between paragraphs and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a clear paragraph structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, which helps in organizing the content. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the specialized skills of executives and the other on the motivational aspect of high salaries. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more focused paragraphs. For example, after discussing the specialized skills of CEOs, you could start a new paragraph that addresses how high salaries can motivate employees. This would not only improve clarity but also provide a more balanced discussion of the topic.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Furthermore," which help in structuring the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay occasionally relies on similar phrases to connect ideas. For instance, the repeated use of "Moreover" and "Besides" can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of using "Moreover" repeatedly, you could use alternatives like "Additionally," "In addition," or "Furthermore." Additionally, consider using cohesive devices that indicate contrast or comparison, such as "On the other hand" or "In contrast," to enrich the essay’s complexity and enhance the reader’s understanding of different perspectives.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "corporations," "remuneration," and "specialized skills." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "high level of salaries" and "high wage." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the essay’s lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more varied vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "high salary," you could use terms like "competitive compensation," "lucrative remuneration," or "substantial pay." This would not only enrich the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "influence significantly on" should be revised to "influence significantly" or "have a significant influence on." Additionally, "disbursing high salaries" could be more clearly expressed as "offering high salaries."
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choice for clarity and precision. For example, instead of "cope with much great pressure," you could say "manage significant pressure." Reviewing phrases for clarity and ensuring that they convey the intended meaning will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "personnels" (should be "personnel") and "great pressure" (should be "great pressure"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, looking specifically for spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify errors before final submission. Practicing spelling commonly used academic vocabulary will also be beneficial.
By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its lexical resource score, moving closer to a higher band.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "In fact, unlike the personnels, they only take charge of one or some tasks" and "By creating a clear path to the top with attractive compensation" showcase an attempt to use more sophisticated structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "many large corporations should prioritize CEOS and executives to receive a high level of salaries," where the structure could be streamlined for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses. For example, instead of saying "they may have to take enormous responsibilities," you could rephrase it to "they are often burdened with enormous responsibilities." Additionally, practice using conditional sentences and participial phrases to add complexity and fluidity to your writing.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few noticeable errors. For instance, "the personnels" should be corrected to "the personnel," as "personnel" is already a plural noun. There are also minor punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could enhance readability, particularly before conjunctions in compound sentences (e.g., "Moreover, they might cope with much great pressure and tension because they always have to give creative and innovative ideas" could benefit from a comma before "because").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, proofreading your work for punctuation errors, especially in longer sentences, will help improve clarity. Consider using tools like Grammarly or engaging in peer review to catch mistakes that may be overlooked during initial writing.
Overall, while the essay achieves a solid band score of 7 in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will further elevate the quality of your writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It has been argued that many large corporations should prioritize CEOs and executives by providing them with higher salaries compared to other employees. I support this perspective, and this essay will offer further explanation.
There are several reasons why I believe senior executives deserve to receive a high wage. Firstly, they bear significant responsibilities for the development of companies, as each of their decisions can significantly influence the success of the business in the future. Unlike other personnel, who typically handle one or a few tasks, CEOs and senior managers often take on numerous challenging duties, such as organizing strategies, setting the company’s strategic vision, and guiding the business through difficult periods. Moreover, they must cope with considerable pressure and tension, as they are constantly required to provide innovative ideas to ensure that the businesses can compete with others.
Furthermore, the notion of offering higher remuneration for CEOs and executives is justified due to their specialized skills and expertise. For example, in many large corporations like Apple, Samsung, and Amazon, they are willing to pay a substantial number of individuals who are proficient in these areas and can contribute unique and innovative ideas for their company. Additionally, paying high salaries to CEOs and executives can motivate other employees within the organization. By establishing a clear career path with attractive compensation, companies can encourage hard work and foster a culture of excellence among their workforce, which can enhance overall company performance.
In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, it appears to me that CEOs and managers should continue to receive higher salaries due to their critical responsibilities, rare expertise, and the significant influence they have on a company’s success.