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Task2

Task2

Due to the increasing development have a lot of problems becoming a hot topics and need to a solution to solve. Especially, unhealthy food, some people they rely on believe that local authorities should have some change in tax like impose higher tax on unhealthy food, alcoholic, or coke,… to reduce consumption. Others think that it is not important because persons can know and give them a best choice of food for themselves. I am going to discuss both views following following this paragraph.

To commence with, at the first view, when the governments have more strict laws in tax to reduce consumption fast food, alcoholic or coke,… they can easily to control their residents’ health and limit some dangerous disease. Besides, governments to decrease discourage consumption fast food will help the residents’ awareness were higher and help assist them to have a healthy diet.

On the other hand, some people believe that this is not necessary because residents can help themselves to get a appropriate diet and give a best choice of food on their own. Moreover, just only them can know what is important thing they need, so impose tax is not crucial. Sometimes, Inconlusion, it is very clear that I suppose the governments should set up higher taxes on unhealthy food. Because it can limit the diseases and dangerous accidents by alcoholic. Some of strict laws on taxes can help people take care themselves more effective and keep their health to strong. Last but not least, it also create a better quality of life for everyone.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Due to the increasing development have a lot of problems becoming a hot topics and need to a solution to solve." -> "As development increases, numerous problems have become prominent issues that require solutions."
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language. "Numerous problems" is more precise than "a lot of problems," and "prominent issues" is more academically appropriate than "hot topics."

  2. "some people they rely on believe" -> "some individuals believe"
    Explanation: "Some people they rely on believe" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Some individuals believe" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.

  3. "impose higher tax on" -> "impose higher taxes on"
    Explanation: "tax" should be plural to match the plural subject "taxes."

  4. "to reduce consumption fast food, alcoholic, or coke" -> "to reduce consumption of fast food, alcohol, and soft drinks"
    Explanation: "Fast food, alcoholic, or coke" is informal and imprecise. "Fast food, alcohol, and soft drinks" uses more specific terms and is appropriate for an academic context.

  5. "give them a best choice of food" -> "provide them with the best options for food"
    Explanation: "Give them a best choice" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Provide them with the best options" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  6. "following following this paragraph" -> "following this paragraph"
    Explanation: The phrase "following following" is redundant and incorrect. Removing the extra "following" corrects the error.

  7. "at the first view" -> "initially"
    Explanation: "At the first view" is informal and vague. "Initially" is more precise and formal.

  8. "can easily to control" -> "can easily control"
    Explanation: "To" is incorrectly used before "control" in this context. Removing "to" corrects the grammatical error.

  9. "discourage consumption fast food" -> "discourage the consumption of fast food"
    Explanation: "Discourage consumption fast food" is grammatically incorrect. Adding "the" and "of" corrects the phrase.

  10. "will help the residents’ awareness were higher" -> "will increase the residents’ awareness"
    Explanation: "Will help the residents’ awareness were higher" is grammatically incorrect. "Will increase the residents’ awareness" is grammatically correct and clearer.

  11. "help assist them to have a healthy diet" -> "help them maintain a healthy diet"
    Explanation: "Help assist them" is awkward and redundant. "Help them maintain" is more direct and formal.

  12. "just only them can know" -> "only they can know"
    Explanation: "Just only them" is grammatically incorrect. "Only they" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  13. "impose tax is not crucial" -> "imposing taxes is not crucial"
    Explanation: "Impose tax" should be "imposing taxes" to agree with the plural subject, and "is" should be "are" to match the plural subject.

  14. "Inconlusion" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: "Inconlusion" is a typographical error. "In conclusion" is the correct term.

  15. "set up higher taxes on unhealthy food" -> "impose higher taxes on unhealthy foods"
    Explanation: "Set up" is less formal and specific than "impose," which is more appropriate for the context of taxation. Also, "foods" should be plural to match the plural subject.

  16. "can help people take care themselves more effective" -> "can help individuals take better care of themselves more effectively"
    Explanation: "Take care themselves" is grammatically incorrect. "Take better care of themselves more effectively" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  17. "keep their health to strong" -> "maintain their health strongly"
    Explanation: "Keep their health to strong" is grammatically incorrect. "Maintain their health strongly" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  18. "it also create a better quality of life for everyone" -> "it also creates a better quality of life for everyone"
    Explanation: "Create" should be "creates" to agree with the singular subject "it."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding whether local authorities should impose higher taxes on unhealthy food and alcohol. However, it does not fully explore both sides of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks a clear outline of the specific issues to be discussed. The discussion of the first viewpoint regarding government intervention is somewhat vague and lacks depth. The second viewpoint is mentioned but not sufficiently elaborated upon, which leaves the reader wanting more information about the arguments against taxation.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline both sides of the argument in the introduction. Each viewpoint should be developed in separate paragraphs with specific examples and evidence to support the claims. This will ensure that all parts of the question are addressed comprehensively.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position in favor of imposing higher taxes on unhealthy food and alcohol, but this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The transition from discussing the first viewpoint to the second is abrupt, and the conclusion reiterates the writer’s stance without effectively summarizing the arguments made. The phrase "it is very clear that I suppose" is weak and does not convey confidence in the position taken.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the arguments. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion with a summary of the key points discussed would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. For instance, the argument for higher taxes mentions controlling health and limiting diseases but does not provide specific examples or statistics to support these claims. Similarly, the counterargument lacks depth and fails to explain why individuals should be responsible for their dietary choices without government intervention.
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, data, or studies that illustrate the impact of unhealthy food consumption and the effectiveness of taxation in other contexts. Each idea should be clearly articulated and followed by elaboration that connects back to the main argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the issue of unhealthy food and taxation. However, there are moments where the writing strays into vague statements that do not directly relate to the prompt, such as "create a better quality of life for everyone," which lacks specificity and relevance to the argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the discussion of the prompt. Avoiding general statements and instead providing concrete examples related to the topic will help keep the essay on track and relevant.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, it requires significant improvements in clarity, depth, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on clearly outlining arguments, supporting them with specific evidence, and maintaining a consistent position will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present both sides of the argument regarding the imposition of higher taxes on unhealthy food and beverages. However, the logical flow is somewhat hindered by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear progression between ideas. For instance, the essay introduces the topic broadly in the first paragraph but then jumps into the discussion without a clear thesis statement or outline of the main points. The conclusion is also somewhat abrupt and does not effectively summarize the discussion.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, using linking phrases to guide the reader. Conclude with a summary that encapsulates the main arguments and your final stance.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but the structure within each paragraph is not always clear. For example, the second paragraph attempts to discuss the benefits of higher taxes but mixes multiple points without clear separation. The third paragraph, which presents the opposing view, also lacks a clear topic sentence and mixes ideas.
    • How to improve: Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that expand on the topic. Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single point or aspect of the argument to maintain clarity and focus.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "to commence with" and "on the other hand," but their usage is inconsistent and sometimes awkward. For example, the phrase "to commence with" is used correctly, but "inconlusion" is misspelled and used inappropriately within the paragraph rather than at the end.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used to link ideas and paragraphs. Use phrases like "furthermore," "moreover," "in addition," and "however" to create smoother transitions. Ensure these devices are used correctly and appropriately to enhance the flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to address both sides of the argument, the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices need improvement. Focus on creating a clear structure with well-defined paragraphs and use a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, but it largely relies on common phrases and lacks sophistication. For instance, terms like "unhealthy food," "alcoholic," and "best choice of food" are repeated without variation. The phrase "hot topics" is also vague and does not convey a precise meaning in the context of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "unhealthy food," alternatives like "junk food," "processed foods," or "nutritionally deficient options" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "public health crisis" instead of "problems" would elevate the language and demonstrate a broader vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "have a lot of problems becoming a hot topics" is awkward and unclear. The term "alcoholic" is used as a noun but should refer to "alcoholic beverages" in this context. The phrase "give them a best choice of food for themselves" is also grammatically incorrect and imprecise.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "alcoholic" with "alcoholic beverages" clarifies the reference. Additionally, restructuring sentences for clarity, such as changing "give them a best choice of food for themselves" to "help individuals make better food choices," would enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Words like "Inconlusion" (should be "In conclusion") and "appropriate" (misspelled as "appropriate") indicate a lack of attention to detail. Additionally, "to reduce consumption fast food" is missing a preposition, making it unclear.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Moreover, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can aid in improving spelling skills.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, using words more precisely, and ensuring correct spelling throughout the essay. Engaging with a wider array of reading materials and practicing writing with varied vocabulary will also contribute to overall improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences predominates, such as "Some people they rely on believe that local authorities should have some change in tax." This structure lacks complexity and variety, which is necessary for a higher band score. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "governments to decrease discourage consumption fast food," which further detracts from the overall effectiveness of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "governments have more strict laws," the writer could say, "If governments were to implement stricter laws regarding taxes on unhealthy foods, they could significantly reduce consumption." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity. Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can also help diversify sentence structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "have a lot of problems becoming a hot topics" should be corrected to "have a lot of problems that have become hot topics." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent and often misplaced, as seen in "alcoholic, or coke,… to reduce consumption," where the comma before "or" is unnecessary. The misuse of articles, such as "a appropriate diet," should be corrected to "an appropriate diet," further demonstrates a lack of grammatical accuracy.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that focus on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly can enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize proper grammatical structures and punctuation norms.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, it suffers from a lack of grammatical variety and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Due to increasing development, many problems have become prominent issues that require solutions. Especially concerning unhealthy food, some individuals believe that local authorities should implement changes in tax, such as imposing higher taxes on unhealthy food, alcohol, or soft drinks, to reduce consumption. Others think that it is not important because individuals can make the best choices for themselves regarding food. I am going to discuss both views following this paragraph.

To commence with the first view, when governments impose stricter tax laws to reduce the consumption of fast food, alcohol, or soft drinks, they can easily control their residents’ health and limit some dangerous diseases. Besides, discouraging the consumption of fast food will increase residents’ awareness and help them maintain a healthy diet.

On the other hand, some people believe that this is not necessary because residents can help themselves by choosing an appropriate diet and making the best choices regarding food on their own. Moreover, only they can know what is important for their needs, so imposing taxes is not crucial.

In conclusion, it is very clear that I believe governments should impose higher taxes on unhealthy foods. This can limit diseases and dangerous accidents related to alcohol consumption. Some strict tax laws can help individuals take better care of themselves more effectively and maintain their health strongly. Last but not least, it also creates a better quality of life for everyone.

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