Team activities can teach more skills for life than other activities which are played alone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Team activities can teach more skills for life than other activities which are played alone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In order to improve life, teamwork has become an essential factor to learn and work in life, which individual activities are incapable of. From my personal view, it would always be better when you work in a team rather working all alone.
To begin with, there is no doubt that team activities improve your attitudes toward others. Being confident is a good case in point. Interacting with everyone helps to maintain your confidence and make yourself communicating with your team. Next, you can learn responsibility. Not getting the job done can lead to major issues to your team. In that case you should be the one be responsible and learn from your mistakes, improving your future works. And finally, you will learn how to respect to each other in order to be respected by others. These behaviors are important for people in the world of works in the future.
On the other hand, working in a team improves your teamwork, in other words, corporation. While you are doing and getting along with everyone, you are collaborating with each other. Next, it also enhances your decision-making skill. You have to think for ideas in other to get the works start. Beside, as a result of teamwork, both leadership and team player skills boosted, They are the drawbacks of individual working that will never be able to maintain.
In conclusion, I would argue that team activities are capable of teaching you life skills. Improving you skills and attitudes in teams can determine what will you be in the future.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In order to improve life" -> "To enhance life"
Explanation: "To enhance life" is a more precise and formal expression than "to improve life," which sounds vague and informal. -
"teamwork has become an essential factor to learn and work in life" -> "teamwork has become an essential aspect of learning and working in life"
Explanation: "Aspect of learning and working" is more specific and academically appropriate than "factor to learn and work," which is awkwardly phrased and informal. -
"individual activities are incapable of" -> "individual efforts are insufficient"
Explanation: "Insufficient" is a more precise term than "incapable of," which is overly broad and informal for academic writing. -
"From my personal view" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "From my personal view." -
"it would always be better when you work in a team rather working all alone" -> "it is generally preferable to work in a team rather than working alone"
Explanation: "It is generally preferable" is more formal and precise than "it would always be better," and "rather than working alone" corrects the grammatical error in the original phrase. -
"Being confident is a good case in point" -> "Confidence is a notable example"
Explanation: "Confidence is a notable example" is more formal and precise than "Being confident is a good case in point," which is colloquial. -
"make yourself communicating with your team" -> "enhance your communication with your team"
Explanation: "Enhance your communication" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of improving communication skills. -
"Not getting the job done can lead to major issues to your team" -> "Failure to complete tasks can lead to significant issues for your team"
Explanation: "Failure to complete tasks" is more specific and formal than "Not getting the job done," and "significant issues for your team" is grammatically correct. -
"you should be the one be responsible" -> "you should take responsibility"
Explanation: "You should take responsibility" is grammatically correct and more direct than the awkward and incorrect "you should be the one be responsible." -
"learn how to respect to each other" -> "learn to respect one another"
Explanation: "Learn to respect one another" is grammatically correct and more formal than "learn how to respect to each other." -
"working in a team improves your teamwork, in other words, corporation" -> "working in a team enhances teamwork, which is synonymous with corporate collaboration"
Explanation: "Enhances teamwork, which is synonymous with corporate collaboration" is more precise and formal than the awkward and vague "improves your teamwork, in other words, corporation." -
"Beside, as a result of teamwork, both leadership and team player skills boosted" -> "Furthermore, as a result of teamwork, both leadership and teamwork skills are enhanced"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transition than "Beside," and "are enhanced" corrects the grammatical error and improves the formality of the sentence. -
"They are the drawbacks of individual working that will never be able to maintain" -> "These are limitations of individual work that cannot be sustained"
Explanation: "These are limitations of individual work that cannot be sustained" is more precise and formal than "They are the drawbacks of individual working that will never be able to maintain." -
"Improving you skills and attitudes in teams can determine what will you be in the future" -> "Improving your skills and attitudes in teams can influence your future prospects"
Explanation: "Influence your future prospects" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea than "determine what will you be in the future," which is awkward and unclear.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing in favor of team activities teaching more life skills than individual activities. The author presents a clear stance that teamwork is superior, which is evident in the introduction and conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, as it only briefly mentions the drawbacks of individual work without fully exploring them. For instance, while the author states that individual activities cannot teach certain skills, they do not elaborate on what skills might be gained from working alone.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the opposing arguments regarding individual activities. This could involve discussing specific skills that can be developed through solo activities, such as self-discipline or independent problem-solving, and then contrasting these with the skills gained from teamwork.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of team activities throughout. The author consistently supports this viewpoint with examples of skills learned through teamwork, such as confidence, responsibility, and respect. However, the phrasing in some sections could be clearer. For example, the phrase "it would always be better when you work in a team rather working all alone" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the position.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should use more definitive language and avoid vague phrases. Instead of saying "it would always be better," they could assert, "teamwork is essential for developing critical life skills." Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument will help maintain focus.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of teamwork, such as improved confidence and responsibility. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the author mentions that teamwork helps maintain confidence, they do not provide a specific example or scenario to illustrate this point. The discussion of decision-making skills is also vague and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate how teamwork fosters these skills. For instance, they could describe a situation where a team project led to enhanced decision-making or how working in a group helped someone overcome a challenge. This would provide a more robust argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of teamwork. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly unfocused, particularly in the section discussing the drawbacks of individual work. The phrase "They are the drawbacks of individual working that will never be able to maintain" is unclear and detracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly supports the thesis. They should avoid introducing vague statements and instead clarify how each point relates back to the central argument regarding the superiority of teamwork. Additionally, revising unclear phrases will enhance overall coherence.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score by presenting a more balanced argument, clearer position, better-supported ideas, and tighter focus on the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of team activities, with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs each focus on specific skills gained from teamwork. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing confidence to responsibility lacks a clear connective phrase that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph and between points within paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "In contrast" can help clarify the relationship between ideas and guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of teamwork. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. For instance, the second body paragraph introduces multiple ideas (confidence, responsibility, respect) without clear delineation, which can confuse the reader about the main point of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking down complex paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on personal development (confidence and responsibility) and another on interpersonal skills (respect).
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "next" and "on the other hand," which help in connecting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive or forced. For example, "next" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using alternatives like "moreover," "in addition," "consequently," or "for instance" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance clarity rather than disrupt the flow of the argument.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used could elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "teamwork," "responsibility," "collaboration," and "leadership." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "working in a team" and "individual activities." This repetition detracts from the overall lexical variety expected at a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "team," they could incorporate words like "group," "collective," or "collaborative efforts." Additionally, using phrases like "joint endeavors" or "cooperative activities" would diversify the language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "improve your attitudes toward others" could be more accurately expressed as "enhance interpersonal skills" or "foster positive relationships." Additionally, the phrase "the world of works" is awkward and should be "the world of work."
- How to improve: Writers should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing and revising phrases for clarity. For example, instead of saying "you should be the one be responsible," a more precise formulation would be "you should take responsibility." Engaging with more complex sentence structures can also help clarify meaning.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "corporation" instead of "cooperation," "beside" instead of "besides," and "you skills" instead of "your skills." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a list of frequently used vocabulary can help reinforce correct spelling. Regular writing practice, along with feedback from peers or instructors, can also aid in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "In order to improve life, teamwork has become an essential factor to learn and work in life" shows an attempt to incorporate varied structures. However, many sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. Phrases such as "you can learn responsibility" and "working in a team improves your teamwork" are repetitive in structure and do not showcase a wide variety of grammatical forms.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, instead of saying "you can learn responsibility," the writer could use a structure like "By participating in team activities, individuals not only learn responsibility but also develop a sense of accountability towards their peers." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and conjunctions can help create more complex sentence forms.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "rather working all alone" should be "rather than working all alone." Additionally, the sentence "Not getting the job done can lead to major issues to your team" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. The use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in "beside, as a result of teamwork," where "beside" should be "besides," and the comma is incorrectly placed. Furthermore, the phrase "the drawbacks of individual working that will never be able to maintain" is unclear and grammatically incorrect.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct preposition use, and the proper formation of comparative structures. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and rectify these issues. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that sentences are clear and concise will improve overall readability. It may also be beneficial to read more academic essays to observe correct grammar and punctuation usage in context.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, improving the range of grammatical structures and addressing the grammatical and punctuation errors will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In order to enhance life, teamwork has become an essential factor for learning and working, which individual activities are incapable of achieving. From my perspective, it is generally preferable to work in a team rather than working alone.
To begin with, there is no doubt that team activities improve your attitudes toward others. Confidence is a notable example. Interacting with everyone helps to maintain your confidence and enhances your communication with your team. Next, you can learn responsibility. Failing to complete tasks can lead to major issues for your team. In that case, you should be the one to take responsibility and learn from your mistakes, improving your future work. Finally, you will learn how to respect one another in order to be respected by others. These behaviors are important for people in the world of work in the future.
On the other hand, working in a team enhances teamwork, which is synonymous with corporate collaboration. While you are getting along with everyone, you are collaborating with each other. Furthermore, it also enhances your decision-making skills. You have to think of ideas in order to get the work started. Besides, as a result of teamwork, both leadership and teamwork skills are enhanced. These are limitations of individual work that cannot be sustained.
In conclusion, I would argue that team activities are capable of teaching you life skills. Improving your skills and attitudes in teams can influence your future prospects.