The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Country B's economy in 2005 and 2015 with a forecast for 2025. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart supplied demonstrates the alterations to the proportion of five different industries in Country B's economic structure over a period of 10 years( from 2005 to 2015) with a prediction for 2025. At first glance, It is explicitly observed that the percentage of Finance, Food processing, Oil, coal and gas saw an upward trend, but the others witnessed the opposite trend between 2005 and 2015. In addition, it is forecasted that almost all the figures for categories of industries will stay stable or decline, except for Finance.

Categorically speaking, one of the important points is that finance accounts for the largest percentage of economic fundamentals. Not only did its figure increase noticeably till 2015( from 32% to 37%), but it will also continue to accelerate gradually and reach a peak in 2025, at 42%. In contrast, by 2015, the proportion of Manufacturing had experienced a significant decrease of 10%, and then it will drop substantially to 5%, accounting for the least proportion in 2025.

Besides, there has been the same trend in the proportion of Food processing and Oil, coal and gas. Between 2005 and 2015, these figures increased from 10% and 26% to 21% and 31% and then will plummet to 10% and 26% in 2025, respectively. Moreover, there will be a moderate reduction in the percentage of Tourism in 2025, from 26% to 21%, this number is the same as that in 2015.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the bar chart, including the overall trends and the key features of each industry. The essay also makes some comparisons between the industries. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the proportion of Food processing and Oil, coal and gas increased between 2005 and 2015, but the chart shows that the proportion of Oil, coal and gas decreased.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features of each industry. For example, the essay could state the exact percentage change for each industry between 2005 and 2015. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. For example, the essay could avoid stating that the proportion of Oil, coal and gas increased between 2005 and 2015.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the subsequent paragraphs provide specific details about the changes in the industries’ percentages. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances where their application is somewhat mechanical, and the referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in distinguishing between different trends and comparisons.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing (e.g., using "this" or "these" more precisely) would help the reader follow the argument more easily. Finally, organizing the paragraphs to clearly separate different trends or comparisons would improve the overall structure and clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary that is relevant to the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "proportion," "economic fundamentals," and "plummet," which shows some awareness of lexical variety. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "accelerate gradually" and "the same trend," which detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and punctuation, such as the inconsistent use of capitalization in "It" and missing spaces after punctuation marks. These issues do not completely impede communication but do affect the overall effectiveness of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and improving their precision in word choice. This can be achieved by practicing synonyms and collocations, ensuring that less common vocabulary is used accurately. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors will help to eliminate minor mistakes that can detract from the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with a variety of texts can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary and a better understanding of contextually appropriate language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is a requirement for Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors present, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer shows an understanding of the task and attempts to convey the information clearly, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and punctuation issues that detract from the overall accuracy and fluency of the writing.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve the overall grammatical range. This could involve using more subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings.
Proofreading for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. For example, ensure consistent use of commas and check for subject-verb agreement.
Clarity and Precision: Work on phrasing to enhance clarity. Avoid awkward constructions such as "the others witnessed the opposite trend," which could be rephrased for better readability.
Consistent Tense Usage: Maintain consistent verb tenses throughout the essay to avoid confusion. For instance, ensure that predictions for 2025 are clearly distinguished from past observations.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart supplied demonstrates the alterations to the proportion of five different industries in Country B’s economic structure over a period of 10 years (from 2005 to 2015) with a prediction for 2025. At first glance, it is explicitly observed that the percentages of Finance, Food Processing, and Oil, Coal, and Gas saw an upward trend, while the others experienced the opposite trend between 2005 and 2015. In addition, it is forecasted that almost all the figures for these categories of industries will remain stable or decline, except for Finance.

Categorically speaking, one of the important points is that Finance accounts for the largest percentage of economic fundamentals. Not only did its figure increase noticeably until 2015 (from 32% to 37%), but it is also expected to continue to rise gradually, reaching a peak of 42% in 2025. In contrast, by 2015, the proportion of Manufacturing had experienced a significant decrease of 10%, and it is projected to drop substantially to 5%, accounting for the smallest proportion in 2025.

Moreover, a similar trend is observed in the proportions of Food Processing and Oil, Coal, and Gas. Between 2005 and 2015, these figures increased from 10% and 26% to 21% and 31%, respectively, and are then expected to plummet to 10% and 26% in 2025. Additionally, there will be a moderate reduction in the percentage of Tourism in 2025, from 26% to 21%, which is the same as that in 2015.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Country B’s economy in 2005 and 2015 with a forecast for 2025. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.