The bar chart describes the different adaptability challenges that people face while living abroad.

The bar chart illustrates the issue of overseas life in three separate age groups. It is clear that senior people meet a challenge of language. While the need for friends and accommodation is often seen in people aged under 55.
It can be seen that the problems of making friends are prevalent among people under 55 around 54% and 38% respectively. While the older find making friends less challenging at above 22%. The worry about accommodation in people aged under 55 is noticeable at nearly 50% and 40 % respectively Besides that, the people over 55 have more stable place to live at approximately 21%.
Conversely, the hurdle of local language becomes widespread among senior people accounting for a negligible percentage at above 60%. While people under 55 meet fewer obstacles to local language at roughly 31%

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"issue of overseas life" -> "challenges related to living abroad"
Explanation: Using "issue of overseas life" is somewhat vague and lacks specificity. "Challenges related to living abroad" provides a clearer and more precise description of the topic being discussed.
"meet a challenge of language" -> "face language barriers"
Explanation: "Meet a challenge of language" is awkward and less idiomatic. "Face language barriers" is a more natural and commonly used phrase to describe encountering difficulties in communication due to language differences.
"While the need for friends and accommodation is often seen" -> "While the desire for companionship and suitable housing is prevalent"
Explanation: "Need for friends and accommodation is often seen" is somewhat informal and lacks sophistication. "Desire for companionship and suitable housing is prevalent" conveys the same idea in a more polished and refined manner.
"problems of making friends are prevalent among people under 55" -> "issues regarding socializing are widespread among individuals under 55"
Explanation: "Problems of making friends" could be expressed more formally. "Issues regarding socializing" maintains clarity while elevating the language to a more advanced level.
"find making friends less challenging at above 22%" -> "experience less difficulty in making friends, with a rate exceeding 22%"
Explanation: "Find making friends less challenging at above 22%" is somewhat awkwardly structured. "Experience less difficulty in making friends, with a rate exceeding 22%" provides a clearer and more precise expression of the data.
"The worry about accommodation in people aged under 55 is noticeable at nearly 50% and 40 %" -> "Concerns regarding accommodation among individuals under 55 are evident, reaching nearly 50% and 40%, respectively."
Explanation: "The worry about accommodation" is less formal and could be refined. "Concerns regarding accommodation" is more appropriate in a formal context. Additionally, specifying the percentages as "reaching nearly 50% and 40%, respectively" enhances clarity.
"have more stable place to live at approximately 21%" -> "have a more stable living situation, comprising approximately 21%"
Explanation: "Have more stable place to live" lacks precision and clarity. "Have a more stable living situation, comprising approximately 21%" provides a more accurate and formal description.
"hurdle of local language becomes widespread" -> "challenge of the local language becomes pervasive"
Explanation: "Hurdle of local language" is somewhat informal. "Challenge of the local language becomes pervasive" maintains formality while accurately conveying the idea of a widespread difficulty in language acquisition.
"accounting for a negligible percentage" -> "constituting a minimal proportion"
Explanation: "Accounting for a negligible percentage" could be expressed more formally. "Constituting a minimal proportion" maintains clarity while elevating the language to a more advanced level.
"meet fewer obstacles to local language" -> "encounter fewer impediments in learning the local language"
Explanation: "Meet fewer obstacles to local language" is less formal. "Encounter fewer impediments in learning the local language" provides a more sophisticated and precise expression of the idea.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting an overview of the adaptability challenges faced by different age groups living abroad. It highlights key features such as challenges with language for seniors and issues related to making friends and accommodation for those under 55. However, the presentation could be more fully developed and detailed to achieve a higher band score.
How to improve: To improve, provide more specific data and details to support the overview. Additionally, consider expanding on the comparison between age groups and their respective challenges to offer a more comprehensive analysis.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization by introducing the topic and providing a general overview of the data presented in the bar chart. However, there is a lack of clear progression in presenting the information. The essay jumps between different age groups without a smooth transition, making it difficult for the reader to follow. Additionally, there is some attempt at using cohesive devices, but they are inadequate and often repetitive. The essay lacks clear referencing and substitution, leading to some confusion. Paragraphing is present, but it is inadequate, with some paragraphs being too short or lacking coherence.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas. This can be achieved by organizing the information in a more structured manner, possibly by discussing each age group’s challenges separately and then providing comparisons. Additionally, the essay should use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Clear referencing and substitution should be employed to avoid repetition and confusion. Finally, ensuring that paragraphs are well-developed and logically connected would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the main points of the bar chart. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "prevalent," "hurdle," and "obstacles," although with some inaccuracies. The essay effectively communicates the main ideas, but there are some errors in word choice and word formation, such as "meet a challenge of language" instead of "language barrier" or "language challenge," and "stable place to live" instead of "stable accommodation" or "housing situation."

How to improve: To improve, focus on using more varied and precise vocabulary to convey ideas more accurately. Be cautious with word choice and ensure that less common vocabulary is used correctly. Additionally, pay attention to word formation and spelling to minimize errors that may affect clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there are notable issues with grammatical accuracy and punctuation throughout the essay. Some sentences lack clarity due to errors in grammar and punctuation, such as missing articles ("the") or subject-verb agreement issues ("the people over 55 have more stable place"). Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear expression, which hinder effective communication.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Try to vary the sentence structure more effectively, incorporating a mix of simple and complex sentences to enhance the flow and coherence of the essay.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammar rules and punctuation usage. Proofreading the essay carefully can help in identifying and correcting errors to improve clarity and precision.
Clarity and Expression: Aim for clarity and coherence in your expression. Ensure that each sentence conveys the intended meaning clearly to the reader by avoiding ambiguous phrasing and awkward constructions.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart delineates the adaptability challenges experienced by individuals residing abroad, categorized into three distinct age brackets. It is evident that senior citizens encounter language barriers, whereas individuals below the age of 55 predominantly face issues pertaining to social integration and housing.

In detail, the data highlights that the foremost challenge for those aged under 55 is establishing social connections, with approximately 54% and 38% expressing difficulty in making friends and finding accommodation, respectively. Conversely, individuals aged 55 and above exhibit lower rates of difficulty in forging friendships, at just above 22%. Regarding accommodation concerns, nearly 50% and 40% of individuals under 55 encounter challenges, while only around 21% of those over 55 report similar issues, indicating a higher prevalence of stable living arrangements among the older demographic.

Conversely, the primary obstacle for senior citizens is the mastery of the local language, with over 60% facing challenges in this regard. In contrast, individuals below 55 encounter fewer linguistic hurdles, with approximately 31% reporting difficulties in adapting to the local language.