The bar chart provides information about the amount of money spent on five consumer goods in France an UK namely:Cars,Computers,Book,Perfume and Camera in 2010

The bar chart provides information about the amount of money spent on five consumer goods in France an UK namely:Cars,Computers,Book,Perfume and Camera in 2010
Overall, while UK spent on Cars, Books and Cameras more than France, the opposite was true for Computes and Perfume . Among all the consumer goods, cars had the highest figures for both UK and France.
In 2010, the spending of consumers in cars was 400,000 in France, whereas in the UK this figure little higher of 450,000. Likewise, the amount of differences between France and England for computers was about 30,000. The amount of money spent on books was 300,000 in France, while it was more than 400,000 in the UK in 2010.
Moreover, the expending of buyers on perfume was 300,000 in France in the year 2010, that was just under 150,000 in England at the same year. Finally, there was an important difference in the amount of spending of consumers for cameras among these countries. In UK his amount was 350,000, while the purchasers spent just above 150,000 for cameras in France in 2010.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"namely:Cars,Computers,Book,Perfume and Camera" -> "namely: cars, computers, books, perfume, and cameras"
Explanation: This correction addresses the grammatical errors and capitalization inconsistencies in the original list, aligning it with standard English usage and enhancing readability.
"spent on Cars, Books and Cameras" -> "spent on cars, books, and cameras"
Explanation: This change corrects the capitalization and punctuation errors to conform to standard English grammar and punctuation rules, improving the formal tone of the text.
"the opposite was true for Computes and Perfume" -> "the opposite was true for computers and perfume"
Explanation: This correction fixes the spelling errors in "Computes" and "Perfume" to "computers" and "perfume," respectively, ensuring accuracy and professionalism in the academic context.
"the spending of consumers in cars" -> "consumer spending on cars"
Explanation: This revision refines the phrase to a more concise and formal expression, improving the clarity and precision of the sentence.
"little higher of 450,000" -> "slightly higher at 450,000"
Explanation: Replacing "little higher of" with "slightly higher at" corrects the preposition usage and provides a more precise and formal expression.
"the amount of differences" -> "the difference"
Explanation: Simplifying "the amount of differences" to "the difference" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"the expending of buyers on perfume" -> "the expenditure by buyers on perfume"
Explanation: Replacing "expending" with "expenditure" corrects the verb form to the noun form, which is more appropriate in this context, and adding "by" clarifies the agent performing the action.
"that was just under 150,000" -> "which was just under 150,000"
Explanation: Changing "that" to "which" corrects the pronoun usage to match the relative clause structure, enhancing the grammatical correctness and readability of the sentence.
"In UK his amount was 350,000" -> "In the UK, the amount was 350,000"
Explanation: Correcting "In UK" to "In the UK" and "his amount" to "the amount" addresses grammatical errors and improves clarity, aligning with standard English usage.
"purchasers spent just above 150,000 for cameras" -> "purchasers spent just above 150,000 on cameras"
Explanation: Adding "on" after "cameras" corrects the prepositional error, ensuring the correct usage of the preposition in this context.

These corrections enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and ensure that the language is appropriate for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay provides an overview of the main trends, but it does not present a clear overview of the data. The essay also presents some key features/bullet points, but it does not adequately cover them. For example, the essay states that the UK spent more on cars, books, and cameras than France, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also states that the amount of money spent on computers was about 30,000, but it does not specify whether this is the difference between France and the UK or the total amount spent on computers.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. The essay could also be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the data. For example, the essay could start by stating the overall trend in spending on consumer goods in France and the UK. The essay could then go on to discuss the specific trends for each consumer good. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the amount of differences between France and England for computers was about 30,000," the essay could say "the UK spent approximately 30,000 more on computers than France."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, and there is a clear overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences appears faulty or mechanical. For example, the transition between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Additionally, there are minor issues with referencing and the logical use of paragraphing. The essay does use paragraphing, but the organization could be improved for better clarity and flow.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Work on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, using more varied and precise linking words and phrases can help improve the flow.
Improve Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the information within each paragraph is logically grouped. This will help in making the essay more coherent.
Refine Referencing: Use referencing more clearly and appropriately to avoid repetition and ensure that the relationships between ideas are evident.
Avoid Mechanical Use of Cohesive Devices: Try to use cohesive devices naturally and appropriately rather than in a mechanical manner. This will make the essay read more fluidly and naturally.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the necessary information, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "an UK" should be "the UK," "Computes" should be "Computers," "expending" should be "spending," and "his amount" should be "this amount"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting the overall clarity of the message. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the amount of differences" is awkward and not idiomatic, further indicating a lack of lexical sophistication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. Using synonyms and less common lexical items can improve the essay’s sophistication. Additionally, attention should be paid to correct spelling and grammatical structures to avoid errors that impede communication. Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often inaccurate or poorly constructed. Frequent grammatical errors, such as "an UK" instead of "the UK," and issues with punctuation, such as missing commas, detract from clarity and can cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the errors are noticeable but do not completely obscure the intended meaning.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes would improve clarity. Practicing the use of conjunctions and relative clauses can also help in constructing more sophisticated sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart provides information about the amount of money spent on five consumer goods in France and the UK, namely: Cars, Computers, Books, Perfume, and Cameras in 2010.

Overall, while the UK spent more on Cars, Books, and Cameras than France, the opposite was true for Computers and Perfume. Among all the consumer goods, Cars had the highest figures for both the UK and France.

In 2010, consumer spending on Cars was 400,000 in France, whereas in the UK this figure was slightly higher at 450,000. Likewise, the difference in spending between France and the UK for Computers was about 30,000. The amount of money spent on Books was 300,000 in France, while it exceeded 400,000 in the UK in 2010.

Moreover, the expenditure of buyers on Perfume was 300,000 in France in 2010, which was just under 150,000 in the UK during the same year. Finally, there was a significant difference in the amount spent on Cameras between these countries. In the UK, this amount was 350,000, while purchasers in France spent just above 150,000 on Cameras in 2010.