The bar chart shows the information about the favourite subjects of 60 students from 2 schools, school A and school B in 2012.

The bar chart illustrates the preferences for five favorite subjects among students at Schools A and B in the year 2012.

Overall, more students at School A show an interest in Science and Sport compared to those at School B, while the opposite is true for Social Science, Language, and Craft/Drawing. Additionally, Sport received the highest number of votes from students at School A, while Craft/Drawing was the most favored subject at School B.

Sport is enjoyed by an overwhelming majority of students at School A, with 32 students selecting it, compared to only 5 students at School B. Science is the second-favorite subject at School A, with 9 students choosing it, while only 2 students at School B preferred Science.

Conversely, Social Science is the favorite subject for 10 students at School B, whereas only 6 students at School A chose it. Similarly, Language was favored by 17 students at School A, nearly three times the 6 students from School B who selected it. Finally, Craft/Drawing is the most popular subject at School B, with 25 supporters, compared to only 4 students at School A who preferred it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates" -> "The bar chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in the context of presenting data, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"more students at School A show an interest in" -> "a greater number of students at School A are interested in"
Explanation: "A greater number of" is more precise and formal than "more," and "are interested in" aligns better with academic style by avoiding the less formal "show an interest in."
"compared to those at School B" -> "compared to their counterparts at School B"
Explanation: "Their counterparts" is a more formal and precise way to refer to the students at School B, enhancing the academic tone.
"the opposite is true" -> "the converse is true"
Explanation: "The converse is true" is a more formal and academic expression than "the opposite is true," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Sport received the highest number of votes" -> "Sport garnered the highest number of votes"
Explanation: "Garnered" is a more formal and precise verb than "received" in this context, indicating the act of obtaining votes in a more academic manner.
"was the most favored subject" -> "was the most preferred subject"
Explanation: "Preferred" is a more formal synonym for "favored," aligning better with academic language.
"an overwhelming majority" -> "a significant majority"
Explanation: "A significant majority" is a more precise and formal phrase than "an overwhelming majority," which can be seen as slightly informal and subjective.
"only 5 students at School B" -> "only five students at School B"
Explanation: Using "five" instead of "5" adheres to the formal style of academic writing, which typically avoids numerical digits in text.
"Conversely, Social Science is the favorite subject" -> "Conversely, Social Science is the preferred subject"
Explanation: Again, "preferred" is more formal than "favorite" in academic contexts.
"nearly three times the 6 students" -> "approximately three times the number of students"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "nearly," and specifying "number of students" clarifies the comparison.
"Finally, Craft/Drawing is the most popular subject" -> "Lastly, Craft/Drawing is the most favored subject"
Explanation: "Lastly" is a more formal transition than "Finally," and "favored" is preferred over "popular" for a more academic tone.
"with 25 supporters" -> "with 25 students"
Explanation: "Students" is a more specific and appropriate term than "supporters" in this context, as it refers to the individuals participating in the survey.

These changes enhance the formal and precise nature of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers all the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay clearly presents and highlights the key features of the data, but could be more fully extended.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of students who chose each subject at each school. The essay could also discuss the reasons why there are differences in the preferences of students at the two schools.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout the response. Each paragraph presents a central topic, with the first paragraph providing an overview and subsequent paragraphs detailing specific subjects. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where the connection between sentences could be more fluid. For example, the transition between discussing Sport and Science could be enhanced to improve the flow. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 by presenting a clear structure and progression, but it falls short of the higher bands due to minor cohesion issues.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the fluidity of transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can be accomplished by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each sentence logically connects to the next. Additionally, refining paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a single idea or theme can further improve coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information presented in the bar chart. The writer uses less common lexical items, such as "overwhelming majority," "preferences," and "favored," showing some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the opposite is true for Social Science, Language, and Craft/Drawing," which could be more clearly articulated. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and mostly effective, there are instances where more precise language could enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure that word choices are always precise and appropriate for the context. Additionally, minimizing errors in word choice and improving the overall fluency of expression would help in conveying the intended meanings more effectively. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and ensuring that less common vocabulary is used accurately would also contribute to a higher score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the writer shows good control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that prevent it from reaching a higher band. For instance, phrases like "the opposite is true for Social Science, Language, and Craft/Drawing" could be more clearly articulated, and the use of "Sport" as a subject could be more consistently capitalized. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 due to its effective use of a range of structures and the presence of frequent error-free sentences.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the complexity and variety of sentence structures while ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, refining awkward phrases for clarity and consistency will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation. Regular practice with complex grammatical forms and seeking feedback on written work can also help in achieving greater accuracy and flexibility in language use.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the preferences for five favorite subjects among students at Schools A and B in the year 2012.

Overall, more students at School A show an interest in Science and Sport compared to those at School B, while the opposite is true for Social Science, Language, and Craft/Drawing. Additionally, Sport received the highest number of votes from students at School A, whereas Craft/Drawing was the most favored subject at School B.

Sport is enjoyed by an overwhelming majority of students at School A, with 32 students selecting it, compared to only 5 students at School B. Science ranks as the second-favorite subject at School A, with 9 students choosing it, while only 2 students at School B preferred Science.