The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of individuals in the UK who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables in their daily diet between 2001 and 2008.
From an overall perspective, it is clear that all age groups showed an upward trend in their consumption. Furthermore, women constantly used the highest rate of consumption during the period supplied.
At the beginning of the period provided, the proportion of women ingested five serving of fresh produce was highest, at 20%. The figure for men consumers was slightly lower, at around 17%. The children’s age group accounted for the lowest number, at 10%.
The period from 2001 to 2008 witnessed a substantial escalation in the percentage of women consuming fresh produce to 35% in 2006, before dropping to exactly 30% in 2008. In terms of men and children eating fruits and vegetables remained stable in the first/ initial three years, at 17% and 10%. In the following years, there was a considerable increase in those shown for men consumers to 25% in the final year, which was only roughly 2% higher compared to the youngest age bracket.

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Errors and Improvements:

"consumed" -> "consumption"
Explanation: "Consumption" is a more formal and precise term to describe the act of eating or using something.
"From an overall perspective" -> "From a holistic perspective"
Explanation: "Holistic" implies considering the entire system or situation, which adds depth to the analysis.
"ingested" -> "consumed"
Explanation: "Consumed" is a more common and straightforward term for eating or taking in food.
"proportion" -> "percentage"
Explanation: While "proportion" is not incorrect, "percentage" is more commonly used in statistical contexts.
"witnessed" -> "experienced"
Explanation: "Experienced" provides a more active and dynamic description of the changes observed.
"escalation" -> "increase"
Explanation: "Increase" is a simpler and more direct term to describe a rise in something.
"consumers" -> "consumption"
Explanation: "Consumption" refers to the act of eating, while "consumers" typically refers to people who buy or use goods and services.
"shown" -> "observed"
Explanation: "Observed" implies a passive observation of data, which is more appropriate in this context.
"bracket" -> "group"
Explanation: "Group" is a clearer term to refer to a specific demographic category, such as age groups.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the consumption of fruits and vegetables in the UK from 2001 to 2008. It effectively presents and highlights key features such as the percentage of individuals consuming five portions of fruits and vegetables per day, with a focus on different age groups and genders.
How to improve: To enhance the score to a higher band, consider extending the analysis further by providing more detailed comparisons between the different age groups and genders. Additionally, ensure the accuracy of the data presented, and avoid minor grammatical errors for a more polished presentation.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently and maintains a clear overall progression. It starts with an introductory overview and then proceeds to describe specific data points over the given time period. Each paragraph focuses on a particular aspect of the data, such as trends among different demographics or changes over time. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. For example, some sentences could be better connected to each other to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, while the essay effectively uses cohesive devices like transition words and phrases, there are areas where the use of referencing could be clearer and more precise. For instance, in the sentence "The figure for men consumers was slightly lower, at around 17%," it would be beneficial to specify the percentage decrease or increase compared to the previous years.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the connection between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases more consistently to guide the reader through the essay and ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one. Additionally, pay attention to referencing and ensure that data comparisons and relationships are clearly stated to avoid ambiguity. Finally, refine paragraphing to ensure logical organization and coherence within each paragraph.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It effectively conveys the information using less common lexical items and demonstrates an awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To improve, the writer could focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary and refining the accuracy of word choice, spelling, and word formation. Additionally, paying closer attention to sentence structure and grammar could further enhance the lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of complex structures, including the use of different sentence types and clauses. It maintains frequent error-free sentences, showcasing a strong grasp of grammar and punctuation overall. There are occasional errors and inaccuracies, but they do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance accuracy further, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, strive for greater precision in vocabulary choice and ensure coherence throughout the essay by connecting ideas more explicitly.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the percentage of individuals in the UK who incorporated five portions of fruits and vegetables into their daily dietary intake over the period spanning from 2001 to 2008.

From a comprehensive viewpoint, it is evident that across all age demographics, there was a consistent upward trajectory in fruit and vegetable consumption. Notably, women consistently exhibited the highest consumption rates throughout the given timeframe.

At the commencement of the period under consideration, women displayed the highest proportion of adherence to the recommended dietary guideline, with 20% of them consuming five servings of fresh produce daily. Comparatively, the corresponding figure for men was marginally lower, standing at approximately 17%. Conversely, children exhibited the lowest compliance, with only 10% adhering to the recommended intake.

The years from 2001 to 2008 saw a notable surge in the percentage of women adhering to the consumption of fresh produce, peaking at 35% in 2006, before tapering slightly to exactly 30% by the end of the period. In contrast, the percentages for men and children remained relatively stable during the initial three years, hovering at 17% and 10%, respectively. Subsequently, there was a significant uptick observed among male consumers in the final year, reaching 25%, marking a modest 2% increase compared to the youngest age bracket’s consumption rate.