The bar chart shows the percentage of small , medium, large companies which used social media for business purposes between 2012 to 2016.

The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of businesses of different sizes who employed social media during a 4-year period starting from 2012.

Overall, all three sizes witnessed an upward trend over the period. Additionally, Large companies use social networks the most in years as well as in all three types of companies.

In terms of small and medium business, social media usage increased during the period from 2012 to 2014. Smaller companies began with just below 30% in 2012, and this figure gradually rose to 35% by 2014. Meanwhile, medium-sized businesses experienced significant change, beginning at over 30% in 2012 and ending the next two years with a 20% rise in social media usage. In the next two years, following a dramatic drop to around 30% in 2015, both types of businesses saw their upward trend resume, with rates rebounding to about 50% in 2016.

In contrast, large companies consistently made extensive use of social media, maintaining figures close to 80% from 2012 to 2016. The only exception was in 2015, when the participation rate descended to just above 50%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given bar graph illustrates" -> "The bar graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic writing, enhancing the description of the graph’s function in presenting data.
"who employed social media" -> "that utilized social media"
Explanation: "Utilized" is a more formal and precise verb than "employed" in this context, better fitting the academic style.
"use social networks the most" -> "utilize social media most extensively"
Explanation: "Utilize" and "most extensively" provide a more formal and detailed description of the extent of social media use, aligning better with academic standards.
"small and medium business" -> "small and medium-sized businesses"
Explanation: Adding "sized" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies that the term refers to the size of the businesses, not the businesses themselves.
"social media usage increased" -> "the use of social media increased"
Explanation: "The use of social media" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the action of employing social media platforms.
"Smaller companies began with just below 30%" -> "Smaller businesses commenced at approximately 30%"
Explanation: "Commenced at approximately" is more precise and formal than "began with just below," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"significant change" -> "marked change"
Explanation: "Marked change" is a more specific and academically appropriate term that conveys a notable shift in data.
"dramatic drop" -> "substantial decline"
Explanation: "Substantial decline" is a more formal and measured term than "dramatic drop," which can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing.
"both types of businesses saw their upward trend resume" -> "both types of businesses experienced a resurgence in their upward trend"
Explanation: "Experienced a resurgence in their upward trend" is more precise and formal, enhancing the description of the data pattern.
"maintaining figures close to 80%" -> "consistently maintained levels of around 80%"
Explanation: "Consistently maintained levels of around 80%" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the consistency and proximity to the percentage.
"participation rate descended to just above 50%" -> "participation rate decreased to slightly above 50%"
Explanation: "Decreased to slightly above" is a more formal and precise way to describe a decrease in percentage, avoiding the colloquial "just above."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the upward trend for all three business sizes and the consistently high usage of social media by large companies. The essay also presents key features and bullet points, such as the specific percentage figures for each year and business size. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the fluctuations in social media usage for small and medium businesses.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the fluctuations in social media usage for small and medium businesses. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the drop in usage for both types of businesses in 2015 and the subsequent rebound in 2016. The essay could also compare and contrast the trends in social media usage for the three business sizes.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the analysis of the data. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear, particularly in the transitions between different points. For example, the phrase "In terms of small and medium business" could be more smoothly integrated into the preceding sentence. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, the logical flow between paragraphs could be improved for better clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between ideas are more fluid. Clarifying references and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would also strengthen the overall organization. Furthermore, avoiding repetitive phrases and varying sentence structures can help maintain reader engagement and improve the logical progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses terms like "illustrates," "proportion," and "upward trend," which are relevant to the context. However, the attempt to use less common vocabulary is somewhat limited and occasionally inaccurate, such as the phrase "the next two years, following a dramatic drop," which could be clearer. There are also some errors in word choice and phrasing that detract from clarity, such as "the participation rate descended" instead of a more straightforward "decreased." Spelling and word formation errors are minimal but present, which affects the overall impression of lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the essay could incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and more precise word choices. Using synonyms for common words (e.g., "increase" instead of "rise") and more complex phrases would demonstrate a higher level of lexical sophistication. Additionally, ensuring that all terms are used accurately and appropriately in context will help improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the most in years as well as in all three types of companies"), these errors do not significantly impede communication. The writer shows an ability to convey information about the bar chart, but the overall control of grammar and punctuation is inconsistent, with several inaccuracies present.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. This could involve using more complex clauses and reducing errors in punctuation. Additionally, enhancing coherence and clarity in the presentation of data would strengthen the overall quality of the essay. Practicing writing with attention to detail and seeking feedback on grammatical accuracy can also help in improving the score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of businesses of different sizes that employed social media for business purposes during a four-year period starting from 2012.

Overall, all three categories of companies experienced an upward trend over the period. Additionally, large companies utilized social networks the most consistently throughout the years, as well as across all three types of businesses.

In terms of small and medium businesses, social media usage increased from 2012 to 2014. Smaller companies began with just below 30% in 2012, and this figure gradually rose to 35% by 2014. Meanwhile, medium-sized businesses experienced a significant change, starting at over 30% in 2012 and ending the next two years with a 20% increase in social media usage. In the following two years, after a dramatic drop to around 30% in 2015, both types of businesses saw their upward trend resume, with rates rebounding to about 50% in 2016.