The bar charts illustrate the average house expenses in England and its capital city – London, and to present the comparison regarding the average house prices between distinct areas of England within the year 2013.

The given bar charts delineate an average amount of housing expenditures allocated to England and its capital city (London) between 1995 and 2013, compared to other distinct locations of England in 2013.
Overall, there was a significant increase in the average house spending in England and London capital from 1995 to 2013. Additionally, the figure for average house prices was predominant in London, while the opposite pattern was true for North East in the year 2013.
Looking at the first chart, the average housing expenditure started at approximately 125000 in England in 1995, after which it experienced a remarkable rise to precisely 200000 in 2013. Similar trend was witnessed in the figure for London, but to a greater extent, growing from 2000000 to over 400000 throughout the period shown.

Moving onto the second one, London drew the highest figure for average house prices with exactly 400000, followed by South East and South West, with respective figures about 310000 and 270000. Moreover, the figure for North West was nearly twice as high as that of North East and Midlands, being 200000 and about 1000000 in turn.

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Errors and Improvements:

"delineate" -> "illustrate"
Explanation: While "delineate" can be used to describe outlining or depicting, "illustrate" is a more commonly used term in this context, especially when referring to visual representations like bar charts.
"average house spending" -> "average housing expenditure"
Explanation: "Expenditure" is a more precise term when discussing the amount of money spent on housing. "Spending" is a less formal alternative.
"predominant" -> "dominant"
Explanation: Both words convey the idea of being the most significant or influential, but "dominant" is more commonly used in academic or formal writing.
"witnessed" -> "observed"
Explanation: While "witnessed" is not incorrect, "observed" is a more formal and precise term when discussing data or trends.
"Moving onto" -> "Turning to"
Explanation: "Turning to" is a more sophisticated transition phrase commonly used in formal writing.
"drew" -> "recorded"
Explanation: "Drew" can imply an action performed deliberately, while "recorded" is a more neutral term when referring to data.
"twice as high as" -> "double that of"
Explanation: "Double that of" is a more concise and formal way to express a comparison in numerical values.
"in turn" -> "respectively"
Explanation: "Respectively" is a clearer and more precise way to indicate the order of items being mentioned.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by describing the average house expenses in England and London from 1995 to 2013 and comparing them with other regions of England in 2013. It provides a clear overview of the trends and differences in house prices. Key features and bullet points are highlighted, such as the significant increase in housing expenditures over time and the variations in prices among different regions.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detailed and extended analysis of the data, particularly in discussing the trends and variations. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in presenting numerical figures and avoiding repetitive language would enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information in a generally coherent manner. It introduces the topic and provides an overview of the data presented in the charts. Paragraphing is employed, though not always logically. There is an attempt to organize information chronologically and by regions, but the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Cohesive devices are used effectively in some instances, but there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer. Overall, the essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a moderate extent, but there is room for improvement in the organization and flow of ideas.

How to improve:

Ensure logical paragraph structure: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and transition smoothly to the next.
Use cohesive devices consistently: Maintain a consistent use of cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to link ideas within and between sentences.
Clarify referencing: Make sure references to specific data points or comparisons are clear and appropriately linked to the preceding information.
Improve paragraphing logic: Ensure that the placement of information within paragraphs contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It effectively uses less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. The vocabulary choices convey the intended meanings clearly. There is a mix of common and less common vocabulary throughout the essay, contributing to its coherence and clarity.

How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, strive for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary choices. Aim for even greater precision and flexibility in conveying meanings. Pay close attention to word choice, ensuring accuracy and appropriateness in collocation. Additionally, work on reducing occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation to enhance overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which contributes to a higher band score. There is a clear attempt to use a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures throughout the essay. The majority of sentences are error-free, with only occasional minor errors present. Punctuation is generally accurate and aids in clarity.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, pay attention to the use of prepositions and article usage, as there are a few instances where they could be improved for better clarity and precision. Additionally, aim for more varied sentence structures to showcase even greater flexibility and fluency in language use. Proofreading for minor errors will help maintain a consistently high level of accuracy throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar charts delineate the average housing expenditures allocated to England and its capital city, London, spanning the years from 1995 to 2013. Additionally, they present a comparison of the average house prices among distinct regions of England specifically for the year 2013.

Overall, a substantial increase in average house spending is evident in both England and its capital, London, from 1995 to 2013. London consistently maintained higher average house prices compared to other regions, while a varied distribution is observable across different areas of England in 2013.

Beginning with the first chart, average housing expenditure in England commenced at approximately £125,000 in 1995, experiencing a noteworthy ascent to precisely £200,000 by 2013. Similarly, London exhibited a parallel trend, albeit more pronounced, rising from £200,000 to over £400,000 during the same period.

Turning to the second chart, London recorded the highest average house prices at exactly £400,000, trailed by the South East and South West regions, with figures around £310,000 and £270,000 respectively. Moreover, the North West displayed a significantly higher average house price compared to the North East and Midlands, with figures standing at £200,000 and approximately £100,000 respectively.