The bar charts illustrate the average house expenses in England and its capital city-London and to present the comparison regarding the average house prices between distinct areas of England within the year 2013.

The bar charts reveal how much the average housing expenditure costs in England and its capital city-England,as well as comparing based on average house pricing between different regions of England in 2013.
Overall,the average house spending witnessed the highest figure throughout approximately 2 decades in which, overprinted almost the rest’s data.Meanwhile,the most affordable living cost belonged to the North East.
It is worth mentioning that in the first bar chart,the level of London’s housing expenses hold 200,000,more than 2-fold the rate compared to England in 1995.Conversely, England merely cost nearly 150,000 and swelled to 200,000 in 2013,which London performed in the earlier period.Moreover, London remained unchanged the living cost percent at rising over 400,000.
In terms of costliness,London stabilized their living extent cost at 400,000 and was followed by South East and South West reaching at over 300,000 and 250,000 respectively.Whereas, the rest of England nations corresponded to the affordable expenditure throughout 2013,particularly North East measuring merely 100,000

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar charts reveal how much the average housing expenditure costs" -> "The bar charts illustrate the average housing expenditure costs"
Explanation: Removing "how much" simplifies the sentence and aligns better with formal academic language, which typically avoids redundant phrases and focuses on clarity.
"its capital city-England" -> "its capital, London"
Explanation: "its capital city-England" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Using "its capital, London" corrects the grammar and specifies the city, enhancing clarity and formality.
"comparing based on average house pricing" -> "comparing average house prices"
Explanation: "comparing based on" is awkward and verbose. "comparing average house prices" is more direct and concise, improving the flow of the sentence.
"overprinted almost the rest’s data" -> "exceeded almost all other data"
Explanation: "overprinted" is unclear and incorrect in this context. "Exceeded almost all other data" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"the most affordable living cost belonged to the North East" -> "the North East had the lowest living costs"
Explanation: "the most affordable living cost belonged to" is awkward and unclear. "the North East had the lowest living costs" is more direct and formally correct.
"overprinted" -> "exceeded"
Explanation: "overprinted" is incorrect and unclear in this context. "Exceeded" is the correct term to describe surpassing other data.
"the level of London’s housing expenses hold 200,000" -> "London’s housing expenses reached £200,000"
Explanation: "hold" is incorrect in this context; "reached" is the correct verb for describing the attainment of a level. Also, adding the pound symbol (£) clarifies the monetary unit.
"more than 2-fold the rate" -> "more than twice the rate"
Explanation: "2-fold" is informal and less precise. "Twice the rate" is clearer and more formal.
"swelled to 200,000" -> "increased to £200,000"
Explanation: "swelled" is an informal and imprecise term. "Increased to £200,000" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.
"London remained unchanged the living cost percent at rising over 400,000" -> "London maintained a constant living cost of over £400,000"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses formal language.
"costliness,London stabilized their living extent cost at 400,000" -> "costliness, London maintained a constant living cost of £400,000"
Explanation: "costliness" is not the correct term here; "cost" is more appropriate. Also, "maintained a constant living cost of £400,000" is grammatically correct and formally precise.
"was followed by South East and South West reaching at over 300,000 and 250,000 respectively" -> "was followed by the South East and South West, which reached £300,000 and £250,000 respectively"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the relationship between the regions and their costs, and uses the correct monetary symbols.
"the rest of England nations corresponded to the affordable expenditure" -> "the remaining regions of England had relatively affordable expenditures"
Explanation: "the rest of England nations" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "the remaining regions of England had relatively affordable expenditures" corrects these issues and is more formal.
"particularly North East measuring merely 100,000" -> "particularly the North East, with a cost of £100,000"
Explanation: "measuring merely" is informal and unclear. "with a cost of £100,000" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "London remained unchanged the living cost percent at rising over 400,000" but does not provide any data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the data, rather than providing irrelevant details. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay states that "London remained unchanged the living cost percent at rising over 400,000" but this is not accurate. The essay should also be more concise and avoid repetition. For example, the essay states that "Overall,the average house spending witnessed the highest figure throughout approximately 2 decades in which, overprinted almost the rest’s data.Meanwhile,the most affordable living cost belonged to the North East." This could be rewritten as "The average house spending in London was the highest throughout the period, while the North East had the most affordable living cost."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare housing expenses in England and London, the logical flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to confusion in some areas. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer sentence structures and more precise use of cohesive devices. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically follows from the previous one would also help. Additionally, improving the accuracy of data presentation and maintaining consistent terminology would contribute to a more coherent essay. Using linking words and phrases more effectively can help guide the reader through the argument or comparison being made.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While some attempts are made to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "expenditure," "costliness"), the overall lexical resource is restricted, and there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "hold 200,000" should be "held at 200,000"). Additionally, there are issues with spelling and punctuation that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as the inconsistent use of commas and the phrase "the most affordable living cost belonged to the North East," which is awkwardly phrased. Overall, the vocabulary used does not convey precise meanings effectively, and errors in word formation hinder clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by learning and incorporating more varied and precise terms related to housing and economics. Practicing the use of collocations (e.g., "housing costs," "average prices") and ensuring correct word forms will also improve clarity. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors will help in presenting a more polished essay. Engaging with high-quality academic texts can further expose the writer to sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures, allowing for more natural and flexible use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences; however, these attempts often result in inaccuracies. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect subject-verb agreement ("the level of London’s housing expenses hold"), punctuation issues (missing spaces after commas), and awkward phrasing that can cause some difficulty for the reader. While the main ideas are communicated, the errors detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Review the essay for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes before submission. This can help catch issues that may obscure meaning.
Grammar Practice: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to strengthen understanding of subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and punctuation rules.
Clarity and Cohesion: Work on improving the clarity of ideas by using more straightforward language and ensuring that each sentence logically follows the previous one.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar charts reveal the average housing expenditure in England and its capital city, London, as well as a comparison of average house prices between different regions of England in 2013.

Overall, the average house spending reached the highest figure over approximately two decades, significantly surpassing the data for other regions. Meanwhile, the most affordable living cost was found in the North East.

It is worth mentioning that in the first bar chart, the level of London’s housing expenses stood at 200,000, more than double the rate compared to England in 1995. Conversely, England’s costs were nearly 150,000 and increased to 200,000 in 2013, which London had already achieved in the earlier period. Moreover, London maintained a constant living cost at over 400,000.

In terms of costliness, London stabilized its living cost at 400,000, followed by the South East and South West, which reached over 300,000 and 250,000 respectively. In contrast, the other regions of England exhibited more affordable expenditures in 2013, particularly the North East, which measured merely 100,000.