The best way for a country to prepare for the future is to invest resources in its young people.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One school of thought holds that allocating greater national budgets to young demographics is the optimal choice for nations to thrive in the future. While acknowledging the reasons behind this line of thinking, I contend that it is not a nonpareil way to prepare for the future.
Admittedly, investing more resources in the young may bring a lot of positive impacts on society as a whole. This premise is based on the assumption that this trend will make a positive contribution to fostering human capital resources. In particular, by receiving adequate and high-quality education and training programmes, youngsters are likely to be impactful contributors to society. Studies have shown that countries that invest in their young people tend to have higher levels of technological advancement and higher living standards.. However, it is imprudent to underestimate and neglect the immediate serious issues nowadays to make investment in young people a top priority. For example, poverty, inequality, and environmental degradation can have severe consequences for young people and society as a whole. By addressing these issues first, we can create a more stable and supportive environment for young people to thrive."
I strongly believe that there are other holistic and comprehensive approaches for the countries to run smoothly in the future. Firstly, it is necessary to dedicate governmental resources to addressing the ongoing issues such as, racism, housing shortage and inequality. If these problems are not tackled properly and immediately, they are likely to exert far-reaching consequences, thereby gradually destabilizing nations and resulting in a lack of resources needed for both short-term and long term goals. In other words, this circumstance will impede the countries to their prosperity and penetrate into global markets. Besides, investing in caring for all demographics also shares an equal amount of importance. To demonstrate, middle-aged people and seniors still play an indispensable role in society as mentors, skilled expertises guiding youngsters to become more well-rounded individuals. Therefore, they deserve the same care and attention regarding numerous fields including healthcare and employment.
In conclusion, while investing in young people is important, it is not the only way to prepare for the future. A comprehensive approach that addresses ongoing issues, invests in all demographics, and fosters a more equitable and sustainable society is necessary for a bright future. By striking a balance between these different approaches, we can ensure that all members of society have the opportunity to thrive and contribute to the prosperity of our nations..

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Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by discussing the proposition that investing resources in young people is the best way for a country to prepare for the future. It acknowledges this perspective while also presenting an opposing viewpoint, arguing that it is not the sole optimal approach.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, it could strengthen its response by providing more specific examples or statistics to support its claims. Additionally, offering a clearer indication of the essay’s stance in the introduction could enhance the overall clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that while investing in young people is important, it is not the only way to prepare for the future. This stance is consistently upheld and reiterated in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state its position in the thesis statement of the introduction. Additionally, reinforcing the central argument in each paragraph can strengthen the coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas adequately, providing reasoning and examples to illustrate key points. For instance, it discusses the potential positive impacts of investing in young people and the importance of addressing ongoing issues such as poverty and inequality.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, the essay could delve into more nuanced aspects of the argument and provide additional evidence or real-world examples to bolster its claims. Moreover, ensuring a smoother transition between ideas within paragraphs can improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, addressing the central theme of investing in young people and its implications for preparing for the future. However, there are instances where the discussion veers slightly off-topic, such as when addressing issues like racism and housing shortage.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all points made directly relate to the main topic of investing in young people and its effectiveness for future preparation. If discussing tangential issues, it should clearly connect them back to the central argument to avoid any deviation from the topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments and counterarguments regarding the best way for a country to prepare for the future, there is room for improvement in providing more specific evidence, reinforcing clarity, deepening analysis, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout. By addressing these areas, the essay can further enhance its coherence, persuasiveness, and overall effectiveness in responding to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines both sides of the argument, followed by body paragraphs presenting arguments against solely investing in young people and proposing alternative approaches. Finally, it concludes by reiterating the stance and providing a summary. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother, particularly in transitions between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of investing in the young to addressing immediate issues could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next, maintaining a clear thread of thought throughout the essay. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which aids readability and organization. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the benefits of investing in the young, addressing immediate issues, and considering other demographics. However, the structure within paragraphs could be improved for greater clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation.
- How to improve: Aim for stronger topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph discusses only one main point, supported by relevant evidence or examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, such as transition words (e.g., "admittedly," "however," "besides") and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"). These devices help to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring their seamless integration.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices beyond transitional phrases to include other types such as pronouns, conjunctions, and parallel structures. Pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they effectively connect ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a generally coherent and cohesive structure, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices can further elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating varied terminology to express ideas effectively. For instance, the essay utilizes phrases like "one school of thought," "nonpareil," "human capital resources," and "indispensable role," showcasing lexical diversity and sophistication.
- How to improve: While the essay already showcases a strong vocabulary, further enriching it with nuanced synonyms and idiomatic expressions can elevate the lexical resource score. Introducing more specialized terminology related to the discussed topics could also enhance the depth of vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise. For example, in the phrase "it is imprudent to underestimate and neglect the immediate serious issues nowadays," the term "immediate serious issues" could be more precisely defined to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it’s beneficial to ensure that each word used contributes specifically to the intended meaning. Clarifying ambiguous terms and opting for more precise vocabulary choices where possible can enhance the clarity and impact of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances where minor errors are present, such as "expertises" instead of "expertise" and "prosperity" instead of "prosperities." Overall, the level of spelling accuracy is sufficient, but attention to detail can further improve it.
- How to improve: Proofreading the essay meticulously to catch any spelling errors before submission is crucial. Additionally, utilizing spelling checkers and practicing regular spelling drills can help reinforce correct spelling habits and minimize errors in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and relative clauses. For instance, complex sentences such as "While acknowledging the reasons behind this line of thinking, I contend that it is not a nonpareil way to prepare for the future" showcase the writer’s ability to construct nuanced arguments. Additionally, the essay employs compound sentences like "For example, poverty, inequality, and environmental degradation can have severe consequences for young people and society as a whole," which enhance coherence and demonstrate logical connections between ideas. Furthermore, relative clauses are utilized effectively throughout the essay to provide additional information and detail, as seen in the sentence "Studies have shown that countries that invest in their young people tend to have higher levels of technological advancement and higher living standards."
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, further enhancing complexity and variety can elevate the overall sophistication of the writing. Introducing more complex sentence structures, such as inverted sentences or conditional clauses, can add depth and intricacy to the arguments presented. Moreover, paying attention to the placement and usage of transitional phrases can improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur. For example, in the sentence "This premise is based on the assumption that this trend will make a positive contribution to fostering human capital resources," there is a redundancy with the repetition of "this." Additionally, in the sentence "By striking a balance between these different approaches, we can ensure that all members of society have the opportunity to thrive and contribute to the prosperity of our nations.," a comma after "approaches" would enhance clarity. Nevertheless, these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct any minor errors or redundancies. Additionally, paying attention to sentence structure and ensuring conciseness can help eliminate unnecessary repetition and streamline the writing. Moreover, incorporating a wider variety of punctuation marks, such as semicolons or em dashes, can add sophistication to the writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective suggests that allocating larger portions of national budgets to the younger population is the most effective strategy for countries to flourish in the future. While I recognize the rationale behind this viewpoint, I argue that it is not the sole method to adequately prepare for the future.

Certainly, increasing investment in the youth can yield significant benefits for society overall. This notion hinges on the belief that such investments will enhance human capital resources. Specifically, through access to quality education and training programs, young individuals are poised to become valuable contributors to society. Research indicates that nations prioritizing youth investment often experience greater technological advancements and higher living standards. However, it would be shortsighted to disregard pressing contemporary issues in favor of prioritizing youth investment. Issues like poverty, inequality, and environmental degradation demand immediate attention, as they pose serious threats to both young people and society as a whole. Addressing these challenges first can establish a more supportive environment for the flourishing of young individuals.

I firmly maintain that there exist other comprehensive approaches for nations to thrive in the future. Firstly, it is imperative for governments to allocate resources towards resolving ongoing issues such as racism, housing shortages, and inequality. Failing to address these problems promptly may lead to far-reaching consequences, potentially destabilizing nations and hindering progress towards both short-term and long-term goals. This, in turn, could impede the prosperity of countries and their competitiveness in global markets. Additionally, investing in the well-being of all demographics holds equal importance. Middle-aged individuals and seniors continue to play vital roles in society as mentors and experts, guiding young individuals towards becoming well-rounded contributors. Consequently, they merit the same level of attention and support in various areas, including healthcare and employment.

In conclusion, while investing in young people is significant, it should not be the exclusive focus when preparing for the future. A holistic approach that addresses prevailing issues, invests in all age groups, and fosters equity and sustainability is essential for a promising future. By striking a balance between these different approaches, societies can ensure that all members have the opportunity to thrive and contribute to national prosperity.