The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Providing six years of free education, including at least reading, writing, and using numbers, to the poor is believed to be the most effective way to diminish the poverty rate in developing nations. I totally support this strategy and this essay will give several reasons and analyse them.
First and foremost, education is a powerful tool to break the cycle of poverty. If the poors are provided free education, they might achieve a range of fundamental literacy and numeracy knowledge. This can result in a variety of opportunities to get employment. Furthermore, a literate and numerate population may lead to a stable rate of employees, contributing to the steady development of that country’s economy. Therefore, the problem of poverty could be eradicated.
On the other hand, if free-of-charge education is not given to deprived people, they may have a big lack of basic skills relating to literacy and numeracy. As a result, a large number of citizens could be illiterate, people might not have enough knowledge to meet the requirements when applying for any simple job. This can lead to an increasing rate of unemployment, which causes several social issues, namely criminals and infectious diseases. Consequently, the overall quality of life may be degraded and the range of poverty could be widespread, resulting in lower growth of that nation.
To conclude, giving about six years of free-of-charge learning may be one of the most efficient strategies to diminish poverty in a country. I firmly agree as this not only prevents dwellers from underprivilege but also creates a number of chances for country development in the future.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"poors" -> "economically disadvantaged individuals"
Explanation: The term "poors" is informal and can be considered derogatory. Using "economically disadvantaged individuals" is more respectful and aligns with a formal tone, maintaining sensitivity.
"a literate and numerate population" -> "a population proficient in literacy and numeracy"
Explanation: The phrase "literate and numerate" is acceptable but using "proficient in literacy and numeracy" enhances precision and aligns better with formal writing, emphasizing competence.
"the problem of poverty could be eradicated" -> "this could lead to the eradication of poverty"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence helps maintain a more formal tone by presenting the idea in a more indirect manner, which is often preferred in academic writing.
"big lack of basic skills" -> "significant deficiency in fundamental skills"
Explanation: "Big lack" is colloquial; replacing it with "significant deficiency" maintains formality and precision, describing the shortfall in skills more accurately.
"citizens could be illiterate" -> "a substantial portion of the population might be illiterate"
Explanation: The change avoids generalization and adds a more nuanced description, indicating the potential scale of illiteracy in the population.
"people might not have enough knowledge to meet the requirements" -> "individuals may lack the necessary skills to fulfill job prerequisites"
Explanation: This revision presents the idea in a more formal and precise manner, emphasizing skills needed for job requirements.
"dwellers from underprivilege" -> "residents from disadvantaged backgrounds"
Explanation: "Underprivilege" is less formal; replacing it with "disadvantaged backgrounds" maintains formality and better describes the situation.
"creates a number of chances" -> "creates numerous opportunities"
Explanation: Using "opportunities" instead of "chances" maintains a formal tone while conveying a similar meaning more precisely.
By replacing informal or imprecise terms with more formal and accurate alternatives, the revised essay maintains a scholarly tone and clarity without sacrificing natural language flow.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "Providing six years of free education, including at least reading, writing, and using numbers, to the poor is believed to be the most effective way to diminish the poverty rate in developing nations. I totally support this strategy and this essay will give several reasons and analyse them."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction effectively presents the writer’s position on the topic, which is a strong start. However, it lacks a concise overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. To improve clarity, consider adding a sentence summarizing the primary reasons you will provide in support of the strategy. This will guide the reader and enhance the overall structure.
- Improved example: "Providing six years of free education is a potent strategy to reduce poverty in developing nations. In this essay, I will outline several reasons supporting this belief, emphasizing the transformative impact on individuals and the broader society."
Quoted text: "First and foremost, education is a powerful tool to break the cycle of poverty. If the poors are provided free education, they might achieve a range of fundamental literacy and numeracy knowledge. This can result in a variety of opportunities to get employment. Furthermore, a literate and numerate population may lead to a stable rate of employees, contributing to the steady development of that country’s economy. Therefore, the problem of poverty could be eradicated."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your argument for the transformative power of education is valid, but it lacks depth in terms of specific examples or elaboration. To enhance your point, provide concrete instances or personal experiences that illustrate how education has empowered individuals to escape poverty. This will make your argument more persuasive and relatable.
- Improved example: "Education serves as a catalyst for breaking the cycle of poverty. For instance, in my own community, I witnessed individuals who, after receiving free education, acquired essential literacy and numeracy skills. This empowerment opened doors to diverse employment opportunities, contributing not only to their personal growth but also fostering economic stability in our region."
Quoted text: "On the other hand, if free-of-charge education is not given to deprived people, they may have a big lack of basic skills relating to literacy and numeracy. As a result, a large number of citizens could be illiterate, people might not have enough knowledge to meet the requirements when applying for any simple job. This can lead to an increasing rate of unemployment, which causes several social issues, namely criminals and infectious diseases. Consequently, the overall quality of life may be degraded and the range of poverty could be widespread, resulting in lower growth of that nation."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your argument regarding the potential consequences of not providing free education is sound. However, it would benefit from more specific examples or anecdotes illustrating how a lack of basic skills can lead to unemployment and social issues. This will strengthen your position by grounding it in real-world scenarios.
- Improved example: "Denying deprived individuals free education may result in a significant deficiency in basic skills, leading to widespread illiteracy. In my hometown, the absence of accessible education has contributed to a surge in unemployment rates, fostering social issues such as an increase in criminal activities and the spread of infectious diseases. This vivid example underscores the vital role education plays in shaping a community’s overall quality of life."
Overall, while your essay adequately addresses the task and presents a relevant position, incorporating more specific examples will elevate your argument and contribute to a more thorough development of ideas.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. There is an attempt to organize information logically, and a central topic is presented within each paragraph. However, there are areas where cohesion could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat faulty or mechanical. Additionally, paragraphing is not always logical, with some transitions between ideas lacking smoothness.
How to Improve:
- Logical Progression: Ensure a smoother logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs. This can be achieved by using clear transitional phrases and maintaining a consistent flow of thought.
- Cohesive Devices: Pay attention to the use of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas. Avoid mechanical usage and strive for more natural cohesion.
- Paragraphing: Review and revise paragraphing to ensure a more logical organization of ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary, although there are some inaccuracies. The writer successfully conveys the message with a basic level of lexical resource. There are errors in word choice and collocation, and occasional inaccuracies in spelling and word formation, but these do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve:
Vocabulary Precision: Work on using more precise and nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using the term "free education," explore synonyms or related terms to enrich expression.
Collocation Awareness: Pay attention to word combinations and collocations to enhance fluency. For instance, consider alternative phrases to avoid repetitive use of expressions like "free-of-charge education."
Error Correction: Review and correct minor errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
By refining vocabulary choices, improving collocation skills, and addressing minor language errors, the essay can move towards a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, portraying an attempt to articulate ideas effectively. There’s an effort to utilize varied sentence structures, but occasional errors in grammar, word choice, and sentence construction slightly hinder the overall fluency and accuracy. The essay communicates ideas reasonably well, but errors do occasionally impact clarity.
How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining complex sentence structures for greater accuracy. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, word choice precision, and sentence construction to minimize errors. Practice writing with a diverse range of sentence patterns and employ more nuanced vocabulary to elevate the overall quality of expression. Additionally, proofreading for grammar and punctuation errors can significantly improve the clarity and coherence of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
Providing six years of complimentary education, encompassing basic reading, writing, and numeracy skills, to those in poverty is widely believed to be the most effective approach to reducing poverty levels in developing nations. I strongly endorse this strategy and will expound on several reasons to support this viewpoint.
Primarily, education serves as a potent tool to break the cycle of poverty. If the impoverished are granted access to free education, they could attain fundamental literacy and numeracy skills. This could open up a plethora of employment opportunities for them. Moreover, a literate and numerate populace can contribute significantly to a country’s economic stability by ensuring a steady workforce. Hence, eradicating poverty becomes conceivable.
Conversely, the absence of free education for the underprivileged could lead to a substantial deficiency in basic literacy and numeracy skills. Consequently, a large segment of the population may remain illiterate, lacking the necessary skills for even basic job applications. This, in turn, could escalate the unemployment rate, thereby triggering various societal issues such as increased crime rates and the spread of infectious diseases. Consequently, the overall standard of living might deteriorate, widening the scope of poverty and hindering the nation’s growth prospects.
In conclusion, providing approximately six years of cost-free education could be one of the most efficacious strategies to alleviate poverty in a country. I firmly support this notion as it not only prevents individuals from enduring deprivation but also fosters numerous opportunities for future national development.