The best way to reduce the prevalence of health problems is to promote a healthy diet and regular exercise. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One prominent viewpoint suggests that there is no better method to make the prevalence of health diseases decrease than to enhance clean eating and routine physical activity. From my viewpoint, I am not a proponent of this idea since there are a wide range of ways to deteriorate health challenges.

Granted, one might argue that the resolution to make health issues decrease is improvement of mental health and healthy diet. This is predicted by the fact that consuming a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables can help prevent chronic diseases and engaging in regular physical activity can reduce the risk of obesity and cardiovascular health. This, according to this theory, ultimately results in making the number of people who suffer from illness deteriorate. However, this reasoning is not practical since even if raise a balanced diet and consistent exercise, people still suffer from health issues, which does not change any difference in the seriousness of the situation. Instead, a more reasonable way is that access to healthcare services which routinely perform health screening for conditions like cancer, diabetes help in early detection and treatment.

A second more efficient way would be to reduce environmental pollution. Currently, the number of contamination is ever-increasing which can result in health diseases. To be more specific, exposure to air pollution can lead to respiratory issues, cardiovascular disease. Moreover, long-term climate change can affect the spread of infectious disease, alter food availability and impact mental health. As seen in the case of the air in Hanoi city which has the highest rate of air pollution in the world, it has been resolved by the government as well as the citizens. Hence, reducing health issues related to air pollution requires a comprehensive approach that involves government policies and individual actions. By implementing stricter regulations, promoting public awareness it is possible to mitigate health impacts of air pollution and improve overall air quality.

In conclusion, enhancing clean eating and routine physical activity is not the optimal way to prevent from health disease as there are other two more effective alternatives which are access to healthcare services and reduce environmental pollution.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"make the prevalence of health diseases decrease" -> "reduce the prevalence of health diseases"
Explanation: "Reduce" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic writing than "make decrease," which is somewhat awkward and less formal.
"I am not a proponent of this idea" -> "I do not support this perspective"
Explanation: "Do not support" is a more direct and formal way to express opposition in academic writing compared to "I am not a proponent of."
"deteriorate health challenges" -> "mitigate health challenges"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is more appropriate in this context, as it means to reduce or alleviate, whereas "deteriorate" typically means to worsen or decline.
"improvement of mental health and healthy diet" -> "improvement of mental health and dietary habits"
Explanation: "Dietary habits" is a more specific and formal term than "healthy diet," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"This is predicted by the fact that" -> "This is supported by the fact that"
Explanation: "Supported" is more accurate in academic contexts, indicating that the statement is backed by evidence, whereas "predicted" implies a forecast or expectation.
"engaging in regular physical activity can reduce the risk of obesity and cardiovascular health" -> "regular physical activity can reduce the risk of obesity and cardiovascular disease"
Explanation: "Cardiovascular disease" is the correct term, as "health" is too vague and informal for academic writing.
"even if raise a balanced diet and consistent exercise" -> "even if individuals adopt a balanced diet and consistent exercise"
Explanation: "Individuals adopt" is more precise and formal than "even if raise," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"does not change any difference in the seriousness of the situation" -> "does not alter the severity of the situation"
Explanation: "Alter the severity" is a more precise and formal way to express the impact on the seriousness of the situation.
"access to healthcare services which routinely perform health screening for conditions like cancer, diabetes" -> "access to healthcare services that regularly conduct health screenings for conditions such as cancer and diabetes"
Explanation: "That regularly conduct health screenings" is more formal and precise than "which routinely perform health screening," and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing.
"the number of contamination is ever-increasing" -> "the level of contamination is continually increasing"
Explanation: "Level of contamination" is more specific and appropriate than "number of contamination," and "continually" is more formal than "ever-increasing."
"can result in health diseases" -> "can lead to health issues"
Explanation: "Lead to health issues" is more precise and avoids the redundancy of "health diseases."
"long-term climate change can affect the spread of infectious disease" -> "long-term climate change can influence the spread of infectious diseases"
Explanation: "Influence" is a more precise term than "affect" in this context, and "diseases" should be plural to match the generalization.
"alter food availability and impact mental health" -> "alter food availability and affect mental health"
Explanation: "Affect" is more appropriate than "impact" in this context, as it refers to the influence on mental health.
"it has been resolved by the government as well as the citizens" -> "it has been addressed by both the government and citizens"
Explanation: "Addressed" is more specific and formal than "resolved," and "both the government and citizens" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"promoting public awareness it is possible to mitigate health impacts of air pollution" -> "promoting public awareness can help mitigate the health impacts of air pollution"
Explanation: "Can help mitigate" is more formal and precise than "is possible to mitigate," and "the health impacts" is grammatically correct.
"reduce from health disease" -> "reduce the incidence of health diseases"
Explanation: "Reduce the incidence of health diseases" is grammatically correct and more formal than "reduce from health disease."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that promoting a healthy diet and regular exercise is the best way to reduce health problems. The author mentions alternative solutions, such as access to healthcare services and reducing environmental pollution. However, the response could be seen as somewhat limited because it does not fully explore the implications of the initial viewpoint or the potential benefits of diet and exercise. The argument against the primary viewpoint is not as thoroughly developed as it could be.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should consider briefly acknowledging the merits of promoting a healthy diet and exercise before presenting counterarguments. This would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that diet and exercise are the best solutions. The author consistently argues for alternative methods, which helps maintain clarity. However, the phrasing in some sections could lead to confusion, such as "which does not change any difference in the seriousness of the situation," which is somewhat vague and could obscure the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should strive for more precise language and ensure that each statement directly supports the main argument. Additionally, reinforcing the position in the conclusion with a strong statement summarizing the key arguments would enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of mental health, access to healthcare, and environmental pollution. However, the support for these ideas is uneven. For example, while the discussion of air pollution is well-developed, the argument regarding mental health and diet lacks depth and specific examples. The essay could benefit from more detailed evidence or examples to substantiate claims.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, including statistics or studies that illustrate the impact of healthcare access on health outcomes would strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on how diet and exercise can contribute to health, even if they are not the sole solutions, would provide a more nuanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on health issues and alternative solutions. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be clearer, particularly in the transition between discussing diet and exercise and the alternative solutions. The phrase "which does not change any difference in the seriousness of the situation" could lead readers to question the relevance of the preceding argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument. Using topic sentences that directly relate to the prompt will help keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, summarizing how each alternative solution directly addresses the health problems mentioned in the prompt would enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and the development of supporting ideas. By addressing these points, the author can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that promoting a healthy diet and regular exercise is the best way to reduce health problems. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs each present distinct points that support the author’s viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the importance of mental health and healthcare access, while the second focuses on environmental pollution. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved, particularly in the transition from the first to the second body paragraph, where the connection between the two points is not explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing healthcare access, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence like, "In addition to healthcare access, environmental factors also play a crucial role in public health." This would help clarify the relationship between the points being made.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first addressing healthcare and the second discussing environmental pollution. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it merely restates the main points without synthesizing the information or reinforcing the overall argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments and reiterating the thesis in a more impactful way. Instead of simply stating that the alternatives are more effective, you could emphasize the importance of a multifaceted approach to health issues, thereby leaving the reader with a stronger impression of your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Granted," "However," and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved with additional linking words or phrases. For example, the phrase "which does not change any difference in the seriousness of the situation" is awkwardly constructed and could benefit from clearer wording.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that sentences are constructed clearly to enhance readability. For instance, instead of "which does not change any difference," consider rephrasing to "which does not significantly alter the severity of the situation." This would improve clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "prevalence," "chronic diseases," "environmental pollution," and "health screening." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, phrases like "make the prevalence of health diseases decrease" could be expressed more succinctly as "reduce the prevalence of health diseases." Additionally, the phrase "a wide range of ways to deteriorate health challenges" is somewhat awkward and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and more precise terms. For instance, instead of "deteriorate health challenges," they could use "address health challenges" or "mitigate health issues." Engaging with more advanced vocabulary through reading and practice can also help broaden lexical choices.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the resolution to make health issues decrease is improvement of mental health and healthy diet" is unclear and could mislead the reader. The term "deteriorate" is also misused in the context of health challenges; it typically implies worsening rather than addressing or improving.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. They could rephrase the aforementioned example to something like, "a key solution to reducing health issues is improving mental health and promoting a healthy diet." Additionally, reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can help in selecting the most suitable words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "contamination" should be "contaminants," and "the number of contamination is ever-increasing" could be more accurately stated as "the level of contamination is ever-increasing." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring correct forms are used. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in spelling exercises can also be beneficial. Reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "one prominent viewpoint suggests that there is no better method" and "this is predicted by the fact that consuming a balanced diet" show an attempt to use more sophisticated grammatical forms. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "This, according to this theory, ultimately results in making the number of people who suffer from illness deteriorate" is somewhat convoluted and could benefit from clearer phrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varying the placement of adverbial phrases. For instance, instead of saying "the resolution to make health issues decrease is improvement of mental health and healthy diet," you could rephrase it to "improving mental health and adopting a healthy diet could be seen as resolutions to decrease health issues." This not only varies the structure but also clarifies the meaning.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, "which does not change any difference in the seriousness of the situation" is awkwardly phrased; a more accurate expression would be "which does not make any difference in the seriousness of the situation." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in "consuming a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables can help prevent chronic diseases," which should be "consuming a balanced diet rich in fruits and vegetables can help prevent chronic diseases."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conjunctions. For example, ensure that lists are clearly separated with appropriate conjunctions (e.g., "fruits and vegetables" instead of "fruits, vegetables"). Additionally, practice using commas to separate clauses and items in a list correctly. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentence clarity can be improved.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted areas for improvement will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

One prominent viewpoint suggests that there is no better method to reduce the prevalence of health diseases than to promote clean eating and routine physical activity. From my viewpoint, I do not support this perspective since there are a wide range of ways to mitigate health challenges.

Granted, one might argue that the solution to decreasing health issues is the improvement of mental health and a healthy diet. This is supported by the fact that consuming a balanced diet rich in fruits and vegetables can help prevent chronic diseases, and engaging in regular physical activity can reduce the risk of obesity and cardiovascular disease. According to this theory, this ultimately results in a decrease in the number of people who suffer from illness. However, this reasoning is not practical since even if individuals adopt a balanced diet and consistent exercise, people still suffer from health issues, which does not alter the severity of the situation. Instead, a more reasonable approach is to ensure access to healthcare services that routinely conduct health screenings for conditions like cancer and diabetes, which help in early detection and treatment.

A second, more efficient way would be to reduce environmental pollution. Currently, the level of contamination is continually increasing, which can lead to health issues. To be more specific, exposure to air pollution can result in respiratory issues and cardiovascular disease. Moreover, long-term climate change can influence the spread of infectious diseases, alter food availability, and affect mental health. As seen in the case of the air in Hanoi, which has the highest rate of air pollution in the world, this issue has been addressed by both the government and citizens. Hence, reducing health issues related to air pollution requires a comprehensive approach that involves government policies and individual actions. By implementing stricter regulations and promoting public awareness, it is possible to mitigate the health impacts of air pollution and improve overall air quality.

In conclusion, enhancing clean eating and routine physical activity is not the optimal way to prevent health diseases, as there are two other more effective alternatives: access to healthcare services and reducing environmental pollution.