The best way to reduce youth crime is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (write at least 250 words)

Nowadays, the crime rate is increasing fastly, particularly youth crime. People gradually care about the parents' responsibility in forming the personality. I partially agree that parental training is the best solution to alleviate juvenile criminals. Parents are role models to develop children’s behaviors. Infants who don’t familiarize themselves with anything like white papers. Children stick with their parents during early stages of their life. Therefore, they imitate their guardians' actions and build their mindset based on their parents' attitude. A warm-hearted child mature from a loving family.

On the other hand, there are various reasons beyond parental control that can cause the increase of young criminals such as broader societal factors ( poverty, peer-pressure, neighborhood environment, …); school involvement; authority management. For example, a child who is born in an area that has many social evils can capture the surrounding images in memory. Because of seeing terrible actions daily, he finds them normal to practice

Children go to school most of the time, so school involvement plays a crucial role in children's development. Beside academic knowledge, schools need to equip students with moral awareness which gives them a hand to distinguish between right and wrong.

Furthermore, punishments also relate to increasing juvenile delinquency. Compared with adult criminals, teenagers suffer from lighter punishment. Therefore, the government needs to enact stricter sanctions for youth crime. Authorities should consider announcing the law to the masses. Children must know clearly about consequences when they are involved in illegal activities.

In conclusion, training parental skills is not a sole solution to alleviate adolescent criminals. To reduce the youth crime significantly, parents need help from school and authority engagement.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"increasing fastly" -> "increasing rapidly"
Explanation: "Rapidly" is the correct adverbial form to describe the rate of increase, whereas "fastly" is not a standard word in English.
"People gradually care about" -> "There is a growing concern among people"
Explanation: "There is a growing concern among people" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward construction of "People gradually care about."
"the best solution" -> "the most effective solution"
Explanation: "The most effective solution" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "the best solution," which can be seen as overly subjective.
"Infants who don’t familiarize themselves" -> "Infants who are not familiarized"
Explanation: "Infants who are not familiarized" corrects the grammatical error and improves the formality of the sentence.
"stick with their parents" -> "remain closely attached to their parents"
Explanation: "Remain closely attached to their parents" is a more formal and precise way to describe the close relationship between children and their parents.
"build their mindset" -> "develop their worldview"
Explanation: "Develop their worldview" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "build their mindset," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"A warm-hearted child mature from a loving family" -> "A child with a warm heart develops from a loving family"
Explanation: "A child with a warm heart develops from a loving family" corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the grammatical structure.
"there are various reasons beyond parental control" -> "there are numerous factors beyond parental influence"
Explanation: "Numerous factors beyond parental influence" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague "various reasons."
"broader societal factors (poverty, peer-pressure, neighborhood environment, …)" -> "broader societal factors such as poverty, peer pressure, and neighborhood environment"
Explanation: Adding "such as" and using "peer pressure" (without hyphen) corrects the list format and enhances readability.
"Beside academic knowledge" -> "In addition to academic knowledge"
Explanation: "In addition to" is a more formal and appropriate conjunction for listing additional elements, compared to the less formal "Beside."
"gives them a hand" -> "assists them"
Explanation: "Assists them" is a more formal and precise term than the idiomatic "gives them a hand."
"punishments also relate to increasing juvenile delinquency" -> "punishments also contribute to the increase in juvenile delinquency"
Explanation: "Contribute to the increase in" is a more precise and formal way to express causality than "relate to."
"the government needs to enact stricter sanctions" -> "the government should impose stricter sanctions"
Explanation: "Should impose" is a more direct and formal expression than "needs to enact," which is slightly less direct and less formal.
"Authorities should consider announcing the law to the masses" -> "Authorities should consider publicizing the law"
Explanation: "Publicizing the law" is a more formal and precise term than "announcing the law to the masses," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"Children must know clearly about" -> "Children must be aware of"
Explanation: "Be aware of" is a more formal and precise way to express understanding, replacing the less formal "know clearly about."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt: the effectiveness of parental skills in reducing youth crime and the extent of agreement or disagreement with this idea. It acknowledges the role of parental influence while also discussing other contributing factors such as societal influences, school involvement, and the role of authorities.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to the central argument about parental skills and youth crime reduction. Emphasize more explicitly how parental education can be integrated with other measures rather than merely mentioned in passing.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear stance agreeing that parental skills are important but not sufficient alone to reduce youth crime. However, there are instances where the focus on other factors dilutes this position.
- How to improve: Strengthen the thesis statement in the introduction and reinforce the stance throughout each paragraph. Ensure that every example and argument directly supports the central position on parental skills.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented but often lack development and coherence. For instance, while societal factors and school involvement are mentioned, they are not deeply explored or linked back to the main argument effectively.
- How to improve: Expand on each supporting point with specific examples and data where possible. Connect each idea explicitly to the thesis statement to maintain focus and clarity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally strays from the topic by focusing too much on factors beyond parental skills, such as societal issues and punishments. While these are relevant, they should be integrated more tightly with the main argument.
- How to improve: Maintain a clear focus on the role of parental education throughout the essay. Use examples and arguments that directly relate back to how parental skills can impact youth crime rates.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an adequate understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument regarding parental skills and youth crime reduction, there are opportunities for improvement. To achieve a higher band score, focus on maintaining a consistent stance throughout, developing ideas more thoroughly, and ensuring all points contribute directly to the central argument about parental education’s role in mitigating youth crime.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally presents ideas in a logical sequence. It begins with an introduction that outlines the importance of parental influence and societal factors on youth crime. Body paragraphs follow, discussing parental influence, societal factors, school involvement, and government actions in a structured manner. The conclusion summarizes these points effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph directly relates to the main argument of parental influence or societal factors. Consider a clearer progression of ideas within paragraphs, avoiding abrupt transitions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to organize different aspects of the argument, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point (parental influence, societal factors, school involvement, government actions).
- How to improve: Improve paragraph coherence by starting each with a clear topic sentence that aligns with the thesis statement. Ensure paragraphs develop fully and avoid introducing unrelated ideas within the same paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices moderately well. Transition words like "Therefore," "Furthermore," and "In conclusion" help to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Pronouns and referencing (e.g., "they," "children") are used effectively to maintain coherence.
- How to improve: Increase variety in cohesive devices by incorporating more synonyms and parallel structures. Use cohesive devices not only to link sentences but also to reinforce the main arguments and their relationships more explicitly.

Feedback Summary: The essay demonstrates a reasonably clear structure and coherence in presenting arguments related to parental influence and societal factors affecting youth crime. To improve, focus on refining paragraph organization for stronger topic development and consider diversifying cohesive devices for enhanced clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of attempting varied vocabulary, such as "alleviate," "social evils," "delinquency," and "sanctions," which contribute to a somewhat diverse lexicon. However, some key terms lack precision and clarity, like "fastly" instead of "rapidly," which impacts the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on using precise vocabulary consistently. Replace generic terms with more specific ones where possible. For instance, instead of "social evils," specify the exact societal issues (e.g., crime, poverty). Review and expand your vocabulary by reading academic texts or essays on similar topics.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely (e.g., "juveniles," "stricter sanctions"). However, imprecise usage is also noticeable (e.g., "fastly," "punishments relate to increasing juvenile delinquency"). These instances detract from the clarity and impact of the argument.
- How to improve: Aim for consistent precision in vocabulary use. Ensure each word choice aligns closely with the intended meaning. Avoid overly general or vague terms. For example, replace "fastly" with "rapidly" or "swiftly," and clarify how "punishments relate to increasing juvenile delinquency" by specifying the direct impact or correlation.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of spelling accuracy with minor errors (e.g., "fastly" instead of "rapidly," "beside" instead of "besides"). While these do not severely hinder understanding, improving spelling consistency would enhance overall readability and professionalism.
- How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools but also review each essay manually for accuracy. Practice writing frequently to reinforce correct spelling and expand vocabulary simultaneously.

In summary, while the essay exhibits an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for a Band 6 score in Lexical Resource, improvements in precision and spelling accuracy would strengthen its overall effectiveness. By focusing on using more precise vocabulary choices and ensuring correct spelling throughout, you can elevate the clarity and coherence of your arguments, thereby enhancing the essay’s impact on the reader.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures. It employs simple and compound sentences predominantly, with occasional complex structures. For example, "Children stick with their parents during early stages of their life" (simple), "Children who don’t familiarize themselves with anything like white papers" (complex), and "Authorities should consider announcing the law to the masses" (complex with passive voice). While there is attempt at variety, more complex structures like conditional sentences or clauses could enhance the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To enrich sentence variety, incorporate more complex structures such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If parents receive proper training, they might better guide their children"), relative clauses (e.g., "Children who lack positive role models are more susceptible to delinquency"), or passive constructions (e.g., "Stricter sanctions should be considered by authorities"). This will add depth and complexity to your arguments, contributing to a higher band score.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some notable errors that affect clarity and precision. For instance, "the crime rate is increasing fastly" should be "the crime rate is increasing rapidly" (adverb usage), "Children stick with their parents during early stages of their life" should be "Children stick with their parents during the early stages of their lives" (pluralization and article usage), and "punishments also relate to increasing juvenile delinquency" should be "punishments also contribute to the increase in juvenile delinquency" (correct phrasing).
- How to improve: Focus on refining your use of adverbs, articles, and verb agreement to enhance clarity. Proofread for subject-verb agreement ("Children stick" should be "Children stick") and ensure correct phrasing in complex sentences. Utilize commas effectively for clarity and to signal pauses. Practicing sentence structure diversity will naturally lead to improved grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while your essay demonstrates competence in grammar and some variety in sentence structures, continued practice in using more sophisticated structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help elevate your writing to a higher band score. Strive for precision and clarity in expression to further enhance your academic writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, the crime rate is increasing rapidly, especially among young people. There is a growing concern among people regarding the role of parents in shaping their children’s behavior. I partly agree that parental education is the most effective solution to reduce juvenile crime. Parents serve as primary models in developing children’s attitudes. Infants who are not familiarized with their surroundings remain closely attached to their parents during their early years. Consequently, they imitate their parents’ actions and develop their worldview based on their guardians’ attitudes. A child with a warm heart develops from a loving family.

However, there are numerous factors beyond parental influence that contribute to the rise in youth crime, such as broader societal factors like poverty, peer pressure, and neighborhood environment. For instance, a child growing up in a neighborhood with high crime rates may perceive criminal behavior as normal due to frequent exposure.

Furthermore, school plays a pivotal role in children’s lives as they spend a significant amount of time there. In addition to academic knowledge, schools should also impart moral awareness, which assists them in distinguishing between right and wrong.

Moreover, punishments also contribute to the increase in juvenile delinquency. Compared to adult offenders, teenagers often receive lighter penalties. Therefore, the government should impose stricter sanctions for youth crime. Authorities should consider publicizing the law so that children are fully aware of the consequences of illegal activities.

In conclusion, while parental education is important, it alone cannot sufficiently reduce youth crime. To address this issue effectively, parents need support from schools and authorities to provide a comprehensive approach to juvenile delinquency prevention.