The best way to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The best way to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One school of thought holds that raising fuel costs is the optimal solution to address environmental problems. From my perspective, while acknowledging the effectiveness of this measure, I would argue that there are other superior solutions.
Admittedly, it is true to some extent that hiking up the price of fuel would be beneficial for the environment. The key rationale behind this is that such a policy could deter people from using their private vehicles, given that they would be more reluctant to pay extra money for fuel costs. As a result, the emission of carbon dioxide, one of the chief contributors to global warming, could be reduced. However, this thinking is flawed since environmental problems take place on a larger scale, ranging from water contamination, deforestation, and a loss of habitat. This means that such a policy would not be feasible to solve environmental problems comprehensively.
To add credence to my assertion, I am convinced that the following measures would be more effective in combating environmental issues. First and foremost, it is imperative for the government to impose stricter laws, which in turn could act as a deterrent to not only individuals but also businesses to breaking the law. Another viable solution is raising public awareness since the root of most environmental problems stems from people’s activities, so by educating them about the adverse effects of environmental problems impacting their lives, they could have a better understanding of the importance of preserving the ecosystem.
In conclusion, while a higher cost of fuel could be effective in controlling the amount of carbon dioxide, I believe that a comprehensive approach, including stricter law enforcement and awareness enhancement, should be applied to address the multifaceted-problem of evironment in the long-term.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"One school of thought holds" -> "One perspective suggests"
Explanation: "One perspective suggests" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, avoiding the colloquial tone of "school of thought." -
"raising fuel costs" -> "increasing fuel prices"
Explanation: "Increasing fuel prices" is a more specific and formal term, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"optimal solution" -> "most effective solution"
Explanation: "Most effective solution" is a more precise term that conveys a stronger sense of evaluation and comparison, which is more suitable for academic writing. -
"I would argue" -> "I contend"
Explanation: "I contend" is a more formal and assertive academic expression, suitable for presenting a reasoned argument. -
"it is true to some extent" -> "it is partially true"
Explanation: "It is partially true" is a more concise and formal way to acknowledge a limited validity of a statement. -
"hiking up the price of fuel" -> "increasing the price of fuel"
Explanation: "Increasing the price of fuel" is a more formal and precise term, avoiding the colloquial "hiking up." -
"would be more reluctant to pay extra money" -> "would be less inclined to pay additional costs"
Explanation: "Less inclined to pay additional costs" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "extra money." -
"chief contributors" -> "primary contributors"
Explanation: "Primary contributors" is a more formal term that enhances the academic tone. -
"This thinking is flawed" -> "This approach is flawed"
Explanation: "This approach is flawed" is more specific and appropriate for discussing a method or strategy in an academic context. -
"not feasible to solve" -> "inadequate to address"
Explanation: "Inadequate to address" is a more precise and formal way to describe the limitations of a solution. -
"raising public awareness" -> "enhancing public awareness"
Explanation: "Enhancing public awareness" is a more formal and active verb choice, fitting better in an academic essay. -
"raising public awareness since the root of most environmental problems stems from people’s activities" -> "enhancing public awareness, as most environmental issues originate from human activities"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the causal relationship and uses more formal language, improving the flow and precision of the sentence. -
"they could have a better understanding" -> "they may gain a deeper understanding"
Explanation: "May gain a deeper understanding" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing. -
"multifaceted-problem of evironment" -> "complex environmental issues"
Explanation: "Complex environmental issues" corrects the typo and provides a clearer, more formal expression.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the effectiveness of increasing fuel costs as a solution to environmental problems. The writer acknowledges the potential benefits of this approach but argues that it is not the only or the best solution. This demonstrates an understanding of the prompt’s requirement to evaluate the extent of agreement or disagreement. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the extent of agreement or disagreement at the beginning, which would provide clearer guidance to the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction. For example, they could specify whether they fully disagree, partially agree, or agree with certain conditions. This would help to frame the argument more effectively and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that while raising fuel costs has some merit, it is not the most effective solution. This position is maintained throughout the essay, as the writer consistently refers back to their belief in the need for alternative solutions. However, the use of phrases like "to some extent" can create ambiguity regarding the strength of their position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should avoid hedging language that may dilute their argument. Instead of saying "to some extent," they could use more definitive language to express their views. Additionally, reinforcing their main argument in the conclusion by summarizing the key points made would strengthen the overall clarity of their position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, including the impact of fuel costs on carbon emissions and the importance of stricter laws and public awareness. Each idea is extended with explanations and examples, such as the rationale behind deterring vehicle use and the need for education on environmental issues. However, the support for these ideas could be further developed with more specific examples or data to enhance their persuasiveness.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should consider incorporating specific examples or statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of stricter laws or public awareness campaigns. This could involve referencing successful case studies or research findings that demonstrate the impact of these measures on environmental issues. Such details would provide stronger evidence for their claims.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of fuel costs and alternative solutions to environmental problems. However, there are moments where the discussion could become more tightly focused, particularly in the transition between ideas. For instance, the mention of water contamination and deforestation could be better linked back to the main argument about fuel costs and their limitations.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central argument regarding the effectiveness of increasing fuel costs. They could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect their examples back to the main thesis, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall discussion. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the topic will help keep the essay tightly focused.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, starting with an introduction that outlines the writer’s position. The body paragraphs are logically sequenced, with the first discussing the potential benefits of raising fuel costs and the second presenting alternative solutions. However, the transition between the paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing fuel costs to alternative measures feels somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding of the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the limitations of raising fuel costs, a phrase like "Nevertheless, there are more effective strategies that can be employed" could serve to bridge the two sections more cohesively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, and the body paragraphs are appropriately structured. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to distinguish between the two proposed solutions (stricter laws and raising public awareness), which would enhance clarity and focus.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider creating a separate paragraph for each major point or solution. For example, after discussing stricter laws, a new paragraph could begin with "In addition to stricter laws, raising public awareness is another crucial measure." This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each solution and improve the overall readability of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices such as "however," "first and foremost," and "in conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Nonetheless, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the use of more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the fluidity of the writing. The phrase "this means that" is repeated, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "this means that," consider alternatives such as "therefore," "consequently," or "as a result." Additionally, using phrases like "on the other hand" when presenting counterarguments can improve the essay’s cohesiveness and demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical flow, there are opportunities for improvement in transitions, paragraphing, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness in presenting its arguments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "optimal solution," "deter," "emission," and "comprehensively" showcasing the writer’s ability to use varied language. However, some phrases are slightly repetitive, such as "environmental problems" and "effective," which could be diversified for a richer lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "environmental problems," alternatives like "ecological issues" or "environmental challenges" could be used. Additionally, phrases like "effective measures" could be replaced with "impactful strategies" or "efficient solutions" to avoid redundancy.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "hiking up the price of fuel" is somewhat informal; a more formal alternative could be "increasing fuel prices." Additionally, the term "adverse effects of environmental problems" could be more specifically articulated as "negative impacts of environmental degradation."
- How to improve: The writer should aim for more formal and precise vocabulary, especially in an academic context. For example, instead of "hiking up," using "raising" or "escalating" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, ensuring that terms accurately reflect the intended meaning can enhance clarity; for instance, specifying "the negative impacts of pollution" rather than the broader "environmental problems" could provide more precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with only one notable error: "evironment" should be corrected to "environment." This minor mistake does not significantly detract from the overall quality but is worth noting as it reflects attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, focusing on commonly misspelled words in academic writing can help prevent similar errors in the future.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, using more formal and precise language, and enhancing proofreading practices, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "One school of thought holds that raising fuel costs is the optimal solution" and "Admittedly, it is true to some extent that hiking up the price of fuel would be beneficial for the environment" showcases an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "This means that such a policy would not be feasible to solve environmental problems comprehensively" is somewhat straightforward and could benefit from more complexity or variation.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, conditional clauses, and participial phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "This means that," try using phrases like "Consequently," or "As a result of this reasoning," to introduce ideas. Additionally, integrating more subordinate clauses can enhance the complexity of your sentences, making your writing more engaging.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with few errors. For instance, the use of commas is mostly accurate, as seen in the phrase "which in turn could act as a deterrent." However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the multifaceted-problem of evironment," where a hyphen is incorrectly used, and "evironment" is a typographical error for "environment." Additionally, the phrase "to not only individuals but also businesses to breaking the law" is awkwardly constructed and could lead to confusion regarding the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to common pitfalls such as hyphenation and typographical errors. Proofreading your work for spelling mistakes is essential. For clarity, consider rephrasing complex sentences that may confuse the reader. For example, the sentence about deterrents could be restructured to "which could deter not only individuals but also businesses from breaking the law." This adjustment clarifies the intended meaning and improves the overall flow of the sentence.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
One perspective suggests that raising fuel costs is the optimal solution to address environmental problems. From my perspective, while acknowledging the effectiveness of this measure, I would argue that there are other superior solutions.
Admittedly, it is partially true that increasing the price of fuel would be beneficial for the environment. The key rationale behind this is that such a policy could deter people from using their private vehicles, given that they would be less inclined to pay additional costs for fuel. As a result, the emission of carbon dioxide, one of the primary contributors to global warming, could be reduced. However, this thinking is flawed since environmental problems occur on a larger scale, ranging from water contamination and deforestation to a loss of habitat. This means that such a policy would be inadequate to address environmental problems comprehensively.
To add credence to my assertion, I contend that the following measures would be more effective in combating environmental issues. First and foremost, it is imperative for the government to impose stricter laws, which in turn could act as a deterrent not only to individuals but also to businesses that break the law. Another viable solution is enhancing public awareness, as most environmental issues originate from human activities. By educating people about the adverse effects of environmental problems impacting their lives, they may gain a deeper understanding of the importance of preserving the ecosystem.
In conclusion, while increasing fuel prices could be effective in controlling the amount of carbon dioxide, I believe that a comprehensive approach, including stricter law enforcement and enhancing public awareness, should be applied to address the complex environmental issues in the long term.