The best way to solve the gender inequality problem is to pay women as much as men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Paying equity is believed to be an important step in addressing gender inequality. In my opinion, it is not a complete solution and must be paired with a multifaceted approach to create true gender parity.

Paying women the same as men for doing the same work is a critical step in addressing gender inequality. Currently, women on average earn significantly less than their male counterparts, even in the same jobs and with the same qualifications. For example, in the healthcare industry, women make up the majority of nurses but are significantly underrepresented in high-paying leadership and specialist roles such as physicians and surgeons. Mandating equal pay would provide women in nursing with greater financial security and independence, empowering them economically. Importantly, equal pay legislation sends a powerful societal message that the work of women is just as valuable as the work of men. This can help shift deep-seated gender biases and norms that have historically disadvantaged women.

Beyond pay equity, providing greater workplace flexibility and family-friendly policies is another important measure for promoting gender equality. The disproportionate burden of unpaid domestic and caregiving labor that falls on women is a major barrier to their career advancement and economic independence. Policies like generous parental leave, subsidized childcare, and the ability to work remotely or on flexible schedules can help alleviate this imbalance. When women are not penalized for taking time off to have children or care for family members, and are supported in balancing work and home responsibilities, it levels the playing field and creates more opportunities for them to thrive professionally. Additionally, these family-friendly policies send a cultural signal that caregiving responsibilities should be shared more equally between men and women.

In conclusion, while implementing equal pay for equal work is a measure for advancing gender equality, it alone will not suffice to dismantle the deeply-rooted biases and structural barriers. A comprehensive, multi-pronged strategy is required to achieve true gender equality.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Paying equity" -> "Pay equity"
Explanation: "Paying equity" is an unnatural construction. "Pay equity" is the appropriate term for referring to the principle of equal pay for equal work.
"In my opinion" -> Omit
Explanation: In academic writing, it’s generally understood that the views expressed are those of the author, so "In my opinion" is unnecessary and can be omitted for a more concise and formal tone.
"Currently" -> "Presently"
Explanation: "Currently" is slightly informal; "presently" is a more formal alternative in academic writing.
"significantly less" -> "considerably lower"
Explanation: "Less" is slightly informal; "lower" is more formal. "Considerably" adds emphasis and precision to the difference in earnings.
"Mandating equal pay" -> "Enforcing equal pay"
Explanation: "Mandating" is less common in academic writing; "enforcing" is a more formal alternative that suggests legal action.
"empowering them economically" -> "enhancing their economic empowerment"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for better flow and formality, "enhancing their economic empowerment" is more academically appropriate.
"deep-seated" -> "deep-rooted"
Explanation: "Deep-seated" is slightly informal; "deep-rooted" is more commonly used in academic writing.
"Beyond pay equity" -> "In addition to pay equity"
Explanation: "Beyond" can be replaced with "in addition to" for a more formal and precise transition.
"caregiving labor" -> "caregiving duties"
Explanation: "Labor" is slightly informal in this context; "duties" is a more appropriate term for academic writing.
"When women are not penalized" -> "When women do not face penalties"
Explanation: "Penalized" is less formal; "face penalties" is a more precise and academic alternative.
"it levels the playing field" -> "it equalizes opportunities"
Explanation: The phrase "levels the playing field" is slightly informal; "equalizes opportunities" maintains formality and clarity.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is commonly used but can be replaced with "to conclude" for variety and formality in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the importance of pay equity in addressing gender inequality while also recognizing that it is not a standalone solution. The writer discusses the necessity of a multifaceted approach to achieve true gender parity, aligning with the prompt’s requirement to consider the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could explicitly state the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement. Adding a clear thesis statement that outlines the writer’s stance would provide a more focused direction for the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by advocating for pay equity as an essential but insufficient measure to address gender inequality. The writer consistently argues that a comprehensive approach involving other measures alongside pay equity is necessary.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the essay could reinforce the stance by explicitly restating the main argument in the conclusion. This would reaffirm the position and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas related to pay equity and its limitations in addressing gender inequality. It provides examples, such as disparities in the healthcare industry, to illustrate the importance of equal pay. Furthermore, it extends the discussion by proposing additional measures like workplace flexibility and family-friendly policies.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, the essay could delve deeper into the potential challenges and criticisms of implementing pay equity. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument by addressing potential counterarguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic by discussing the relevance of pay equity to addressing gender inequality. It does not deviate into unrelated tangents but maintains a focus on the prompt’s central theme throughout.
- How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, the essay could strengthen coherence by using transitions to connect ideas more seamlessly. This would improve the flow of the essay and reinforce the central argument without any perceived tangents.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues for the importance of pay equity within a broader framework of addressing gender inequality. By refining the clarity of the thesis statement, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion, delving deeper into potential challenges, and enhancing coherence through improved transitions, the essay could further elevate its response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, progressing logically from the importance of pay equity to the need for broader measures to address gender inequality. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, guiding the reader through the development of ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing a stronger thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay. Additionally, ensure that each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis, facilitating clarity and coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure the argument. Each paragraph addresses a distinct subtopic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and the writer’s perspective, while the body paragraphs delve into different facets of the argument, such as pay equity and family-friendly policies. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains a cohesive focus on its respective topic and provides sufficient elaboration and evidence to support the argument. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to enhance readability and engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "beyond," "importantly," and "additionally" are used effectively to signal shifts between different points and to reinforce the logical progression of ideas. Additionally, cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "it") and parallel structures ("equal pay legislation," "family-friendly policies") help to establish connections between related concepts.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates proficiency in using cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases to add nuance and sophistication to the writing. Furthermore, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of gender inequality and pay equity. Various terms such as "gender parity," "economic independence," "deep-seated gender biases," and "structural barriers" enrich the discussion and showcase a good command of vocabulary. For instance, the use of "multifaceted approach," "disproportionate burden," and "comprehensive, multi-pronged strategy" illustrates the writer’s ability to articulate complex ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized terminology related to gender studies or labor economics where appropriate. Additionally, aim for nuanced vocabulary choices that precisely convey the intended meaning and context of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying ideas related to gender inequality and pay equity. For example, the term "pay equity" is used accurately to denote the concept of equal pay for equal work. Moreover, phrases like "deep-seated gender biases" and "structural barriers" pinpoint specific challenges faced by women in the workforce.
- How to improve: While the overall precision is satisfactory, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, instead of using broad terms like "significant less," strive for more specific descriptors to quantify the wage gap, such as "women earn 20% less than men in the same positions." Additionally, ensure consistency in terminology usage to avoid ambiguity and strengthen the coherence of arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy with no noticeable errors detracting from comprehension. Proper spelling enhances the professionalism and credibility of the writing, contributing to a polished presentation.
- How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, continue practicing proofreading techniques such as reviewing written work carefully before submission and utilizing spell-check tools when available. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary through reading and actively learning new words to reinforce spelling proficiency across a broader range of terms.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there is effective use of complex sentences such as "Beyond pay equity, providing greater workplace flexibility and family-friendly policies is another important measure for promoting gender equality." This variety enhances readability and adds depth to the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more transitional phrases and clauses to seamlessly connect ideas. This could involve using introductory phrases like "Moreover" or "Furthermore" to signal additional points or employing subordinate clauses for more intricate sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors in subject-verb agreement or article usage are present. For example, in the sentence "Importantly, equal pay legislation sends a powerful societal message that the work of women is just as valuable as the work of men," the article "the" before "work of women" could be omitted for smoother phrasing. Additionally, in the phrase "When women are not penalized for taking time off to have children or care for family members," the verb "are" should agree with the plural subject "women," resulting in "When women are not penalized."
- How to improve: To further refine grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading the essay with a focus on these specific areas can help identify and correct any minor errors. Additionally, utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can aid in identifying areas for improvement in punctuation and grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Ensuring pay equity is considered a crucial step in tackling gender inequality. From my perspective, while it’s an essential aspect, it alone cannot fully resolve the issue. It needs to be complemented with a comprehensive approach to achieve genuine gender parity.

Granting women the same wages as men for identical tasks is pivotal in addressing gender inequality. At present, women generally earn considerably lower wages than men, even when they hold the same positions and possess equivalent qualifications. For instance, in healthcare, women outnumber men in nursing but are notably absent in higher-paying leadership roles like physicians and surgeons. Enforcing equal pay would not only offer female nurses greater financial stability but also enhance their economic empowerment. Moreover, mandating equal pay sends a clear societal message that women’s contributions hold the same value as men’s, which can help counter entrenched gender biases and norms.

In addition to pay equity, enhancing workplace flexibility and implementing family-friendly policies are crucial for promoting gender equality. The heavy burden of unpaid domestic and caregiving duties disproportionately falls on women, hindering their career progression and economic autonomy. Measures such as extended parental leave, subsidized childcare, and flexible work arrangements can alleviate this burden. When women do not face penalties for taking time off for family responsibilities and are supported in balancing work and caregiving roles, it equalizes opportunities and fosters professional growth. Moreover, these policies signal a cultural shift towards more equitable sharing of caregiving responsibilities between genders.

To conclude, while implementing equal pay for equal work is a vital step towards advancing gender equality, it is insufficient on its own to dismantle deeply-rooted biases and structural barriers. A holistic, multi-pronged approach is necessary to achieve genuine gender parity.