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The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

In the contemporary society, there is a widespread belief that raising the price of fuel is the best way to tackle current enviromental problems. From my perspective, I totally disagree with this view and the below essay will bolster my stance.

Firstly, there is a host of rationales why people advocate that higher cost of fuel can facilitate addressing environmental issues. Initially, there might be a dwindling quantity of emissions released from vehicles. Owing to the costly price of fuel, individuals may find it challenging to afford the fuel, which is the key factor in powering up the vehicles. As a result, people may reduce their frequency of utilizing their private vehicles, which reduce the carbon footprint emitted by the traffic. On top of that, other environmental solutions can be funded more thanks to the tax of fuel. Due to the fact that higher profit earned when the government imposes higher tax on fuel, more money can be allocated to other environmental campaigns, such as using renewable resources in daily life. Consequently, not only the environment can be improve but also humans can live in a eco-friendly society.

However, I firmly hold the view that lifting price of fuel is not the best solution to tackle the environmental problems. First and foremost, this trend can have some potential negative impact on the economy. The main reason is that when the cost of fuel rise, the transportation may influenced. Hence, the majority of businesses, especially private enterprises, may have to confront challenges in paying transportation cost, which prompt them to raise the price of goods and services to ensure their profits. Therefore, this situation may foster the inflation and dissatisfaction in community. Additionally, other efficient way can be used to deal with environmental problems. For example, the government can invest companies which produce environmental solutions. With the power of technology and talented scientist, various concerns can be addressed reasonably. Moreover, introducing measures to enhance individuals' awareness of protecting environment on a large scale can be an effective way too.

In conclusion, although it is undeniable that raising cost of fuel to improve the environment can be validity because of certain reasons I strongly reckon that it is not the best options. It is advisable that better alternatives can be implemented to protect the Earth.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "the best way to tackle current enviromental problems" -> "an effective approach to address contemporary environmental challenges"
    Explanation: Replacing "the best way to tackle current environmental problems" with "an effective approach to address contemporary environmental challenges" provides a more formal and nuanced expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "From my perspective, I totally disagree with this view" -> "From my perspective, I strongly dissent from this standpoint"
    Explanation: Substituting "I totally disagree" with "I strongly dissent" enhances the formality of the statement, using more precise and academically appropriate language.

  3. "Firstly, there is a host of rationales why people advocate" -> "Firstly, there are numerous reasons why proponents argue"
    Explanation: Replacing "a host of rationales" with "numerous reasons" and "why people advocate" with "why proponents argue" contributes to a more formal and precise expression, avoiding informal language.

  4. "Initially, there might be a dwindling quantity of emissions released from vehicles." -> "Initially, there may be a reduction in the volume of emissions from vehicles."
    Explanation: The phrase "dwindling quantity" is replaced with "reduction in the volume," providing a more formal and specific description of the decrease in emissions.

  5. "Owing to the costly price of fuel" -> "Due to the high cost of fuel"
    Explanation: The phrase "Owing to the costly price" is simplified to "Due to the high cost," maintaining formality while using a more direct expression.

  6. "which reduce the carbon footprint emitted by the traffic" -> "resulting in a decrease in the carbon footprint from traffic"
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity and formality, using "resulting in a decrease" instead of "reduce," and specifying "carbon footprint from traffic."

  7. "On top of that, other environmental solutions can be funded more thanks to the tax of fuel." -> "Additionally, further environmental initiatives can receive increased funding through fuel taxation."
    Explanation: The phrase "On top of that" is replaced with "Additionally," and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality, avoiding informal expressions.

  8. "Due to the fact that higher profit earned when the government imposes higher tax on fuel" -> "Because a higher revenue is generated when the government imposes an increased tax on fuel"
    Explanation: The phrase is refined for clarity and formality, using "Because" instead of "Due to the fact that" and specifying "higher revenue" instead of "higher profit."

  9. "not only the environment can be improve" -> "not only can the environment be improved"
    Explanation: The word order is adjusted for grammatical correctness and formality, resulting in a more precise expression.

  10. "lifting price of fuel is not the best solution" -> "increasing the price of fuel is not the optimal solution"
    Explanation: The phrase is refined for formality, using "increasing the price" instead of "lifting price" and "optimal solution" for a more precise expression.

  11. "First and foremost, this trend can have some potential negative impact" -> "Primarily, this trend can have potential adverse effects"
    Explanation: The phrase is refined for formality and precision, using "Primarily" instead of "First and foremost" and "adverse effects" for a more specific description.

  12. "may have to confront challenges in paying transportation cost" -> "may face challenges in covering transportation costs"
    Explanation: The phrase is refined for clarity and formality, using "may face challenges" instead of "may have to confront challenges" and specifying "covering transportation costs."

  13. "which prompt them to raise the price of goods and services" -> "prompting them to increase the prices of goods and services"
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity and formality, using "prompting them to increase" instead of "which prompt them to raise" and specifying "prices of goods and services."

  14. "although it is undeniable that raising cost of fuel to improve the environment can be validity" -> "while it is undeniable that increasing the cost of fuel to enhance the environment may have validity"
    Explanation: The phrase is refined for formality and precision, using "while it is undeniable" instead of "although it is undeniable" and specifying "increasing the cost of fuel" and "may have validity" for clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It presents a clear stance on whether increasing the cost of fuel is the best way to solve environmental problems. Relevant examples and reasons are provided to support the argument.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider expanding on the reasons provided for the disagreement, and ensure that each paragraph is explicitly linked back to the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout. It consistently argues against the idea of increasing the cost of fuel and provides reasons supporting this stance.
    • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that every paragraph reinforces the central argument, avoiding any statements that may introduce ambiguity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly but lacks depth in development. For instance, the economic impact is briefly mentioned without further elaboration or supporting evidence.
    • How to improve: Enhance idea development by providing more specific examples and expanding on the potential negative impacts on the economy. Elaborate on each point to strengthen the overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt. However, there is some repetition of points, and a few sentences may not contribute directly to the central argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid redundancy and ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the development of the argument. Streamline the content for greater coherence.

Overall Feedback and Suggestions for Improvement:

While the essay provides a coherent argument against increasing the cost of fuel, there is room for improvement in idea development and coherence. To enhance the essay:

  1. Elaborate on Ideas: Provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point, particularly when discussing the potential negative impact on the economy and alternative solutions.

  2. Avoid Repetition: Edit the content to eliminate redundancy and ensure that each sentence adds value to the overall argument. This will contribute to a more concise and focused essay.

  3. Link Back to the Prompt: Ensure that every paragraph explicitly relates back to the prompt, reinforcing the central argument against raising the cost of fuel.

  4. Proofread for Clarity: Review sentence structures for clarity and coherence. Some sentences may benefit from restructuring to improve overall readability.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a more nuanced and well-developed response, potentially increasing the band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a logical organization by presenting both sides of the argument in two separate paragraphs. The first paragraph discusses reasons supporting the idea of raising fuel prices, while the second paragraph presents counterarguments. However, the transitions between these paragraphs are somewhat abrupt, and the flow could be smoother. The essay lacks a clear introduction outlining the structure and a concise conclusion summarizing the main points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, provide a clear introduction that previews the main arguments and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes the key points. Improve transitions between paragraphs to create a more seamless flow of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into two main paragraphs, but the organization within these paragraphs could be more effective. The first paragraph presents multiple rationales supporting the idea of higher fuel costs, leading to a lack of focus. The second paragraph, while discussing the author’s disagreement, does not utilize paragraphs efficiently, resulting in a dense and less reader-friendly presentation.
    • How to improve: Refine the organization within paragraphs by focusing on one rationale per paragraph. Create a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to guide the reader. Break down the dense second paragraph into smaller, more digestible segments to improve readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "firstly," "on top of that," and "however." However, the use is limited, and more diverse cohesive devices could be incorporated for a smoother and more sophisticated connection of ideas. Additionally, the pronoun reference in the second paragraph is ambiguous, affecting clarity.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, transitional phrases, and synonyms, to create a more cohesive and connected essay. Ensure clarity in pronoun reference by specifying the antecedent to avoid confusion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Some varied terms are used, such as "rationales," "dwinding," and "carbon footprint," but there is room for improvement. The vocabulary could be more diverse and sophisticated, particularly in expressing ideas and presenting arguments. For instance, the phrase "a host of rationales" could be enriched by using a broader array of terms and expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. Utilize a thesaurus to identify alternative words with similar meanings. For instance, instead of frequently using the term "environmental problems," consider employing synonyms like "ecological challenges" or "environmental issues" to add depth to your vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs imprecise vocabulary. For example, the phrase "there might be a dwindling quantity of emissions" could be refined to convey a clearer and more accurate message. The term "dwindling" may not precisely capture the reduction in emissions; a more specific word choice is advisable.
    • How to improve: Strive for precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. In this case, replace "dwindling" with a term like "reduction" or "diminishment" to more accurately describe the decrease in emissions. This will enhance the clarity of your message and demonstrate a more exact use of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with minimal spelling errors. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "enviromental" and "rationales," which impact the overall presentation.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to spelling during the proofreading process. Consider using spell-check tools to identify and rectify errors. Additionally, practice regularly to reinforce correct spelling and avoid common mistakes. Developing a habit of thorough proofreading will contribute to improved spelling accuracy and enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, such as "Owing to the costly price of fuel, individuals may find it challenging to afford the fuel," but the overall variety is limited. A noticeable repetition of sentence structures is present, hindering the essay’s fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a more diverse set of sentence structures. For instance, try using compound and complex sentences more consistently. Introduce clauses and phrases to provide a smoother flow to your ideas. Utilize varied sentence beginnings and lengths to make your writing more engaging.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay has several grammatical issues and punctuation errors. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement, such as "there is a host of rationales" should be "there are a host of rationales." Punctuation marks, like commas and periods, are inconsistently used. The phrase "not only the environment can be improve but also humans can live in a eco-friendly society" lacks parallel structure.
    • How to improve: Focus on improving your grammar accuracy by reviewing and practicing subject-verb agreement rules. Pay attention to the correct use of commas and periods to enhance the clarity of your sentences. Additionally, work on maintaining parallel structure in your writing. Proofread your essay carefully to catch and correct these errors before submission. Consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify and address specific grammar issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents coherent arguments, refining grammatical range and accuracy will significantly contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring piece.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there is a widespread belief that increasing the price of fuel is an effective approach to address contemporary environmental challenges. From my perspective, I strongly dissent from this standpoint, and the below essay will bolster my stance.

Firstly, there are numerous reasons why proponents argue that a higher cost of fuel can facilitate addressing environmental issues. Initially, there may be a reduction in the volume of emissions from vehicles. Due to the high cost of fuel, individuals may find it challenging to afford the fuel, which is the key factor in powering up vehicles. As a result, people may reduce their frequency of utilizing their private vehicles, resulting in a decrease in the carbon footprint from traffic. On top of that, further environmental initiatives can receive increased funding through fuel taxation. Because a higher revenue is generated when the government imposes an increased tax on fuel, more money can be allocated to other environmental campaigns, such as using renewable resources in daily life. Consequently, not only can the environment be improved, but humans can also live in an eco-friendly society.

However, I firmly hold the view that increasing the price of fuel is not the optimal solution to tackle environmental problems. Primarily, this trend can have potential adverse effects on the economy. The main reason is that when the cost of fuel rises, transportation may be influenced. Hence, the majority of businesses, especially private enterprises, may face challenges in covering transportation costs, prompting them to increase the prices of goods and services to ensure their profits. Therefore, this situation may foster inflation and dissatisfaction in the community.

Additionally, other efficient ways can be used to deal with environmental problems. For example, the government can invest in companies that produce environmental solutions. With the power of technology and talented scientists, various concerns can be addressed reasonably. Moreover, introducing measures to enhance individuals’ awareness of protecting the environment on a large scale can be an effective way too.

In conclusion, while it is undeniable that increasing the cost of fuel to improve the environment may have validity because of certain reasons, I strongly reckon that it is not the best option. It is advisable that better alternatives can be implemented to protect the Earth.

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