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The best way to solve world’s environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to solve world's environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Currently, human activities has provoked an outcry about the increasingly environmental problem. While it is thought that raising petrol prices is the optimal way to tackle this problem, I believe that other measures might have greater impact.

There are two main reasons why incerasing the cost of fuel would address the environmental issue. Firstly, since citizens afraid of over budgeting in transporting cost, the number of car journey is likely to be lessened. To explain, they seem to opt for public transportation to meet the commuting demand in everyday life that release less exhaust fume into the atmosphere. Secondly, buisinesses that frequently send their goods by air also tend to switch to delivery train services, despite the time-consuming, it can save money. Both changes from individual and business behaviors contribute to the reduction of emissions from fossil-powered vehicles resulting lowing emissions and controlling the green house effect.

However, I believe that there are various effective solutions that can be taken to solve this problem. The first solution would be the investment on alternative energy which is only enacted by governments. The authorities could encourage business producing electric vehicles throughout tax incentives. A second solution would be introducing congestion charges applied to major cities. London, for example, introduces fee to any vehicles visiting to the center in rush hours. Consequently, this not only prevents the jaffic jams in peak hours but also raises fund to other social services in this country, such as public transport.

In conclusion, while a sharp rise in petrol prices can cut down on the emission, it seems to me that investing in alternative cars and implementing congestion charge would effectively solve this issue. It is suggested that governments should flexibly take initiatives to ensure the balance between economic development and environmental protection.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "human activities has provoked" -> "human activities have provoked"
    Explanation: The subject "human activities" is plural, so the verb should agree with it. "Have" is the correct form here.

  2. "raising petrol prices is the optimal way" -> "increasing petrol prices is the optimal way"
    Explanation: "Raising" can be considered informal; using "increasing" is a more formal and academically appropriate term.

  3. "incrasing the cost of fuel" -> "increasing the cost of fuel"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "increasing" for accuracy.

  4. "afraid of over budgeting in transporting cost" -> "concerned about exceeding transportation budgets"
    Explanation: The phrase "afraid of over budgeting" is informal; replacing it with "concerned about exceeding transportation budgets" maintains a formal tone.

  5. "car journey is likely to be lessened" -> "car journeys are likely to decrease"
    Explanation: "Lessened" is less formal; "decrease" is a more appropriate term in academic writing.

  6. "To explain, they seem to opt for public transportation" -> "To elaborate, individuals are inclined to choose public transportation"
    Explanation: "To explain" is somewhat informal; using "To elaborate" and replacing "seem to opt" with "are inclined to choose" adds formality and precision.

  7. "buisinesses" -> "businesses"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "businesses" for accuracy.

  8. "buisinesses that frequently send their goods by air" -> "businesses that often transport goods by air"
    Explanation: "Frequently" is a more formal alternative to "often," and "transport goods by air" is a more precise expression.

  9. "lowing emissions" -> "lowering emissions"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "lowing" to "lowering" for accuracy.

  10. "green house effect" -> "greenhouse effect"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "green house" to "greenhouse" for accuracy.

  11. "there are various effective solutions that can be taken" -> "various effective solutions can be implemented"
    Explanation: "That can be taken" is less formal; using "can be implemented" adds formality and clarity.

  12. "enacted by governments" -> "implemented by governments"
    Explanation: "Enacted" is more commonly associated with laws; using "implemented" is more suitable in the context of solutions.

  13. "business producing electric vehicles" -> "businesses producing electric vehicles"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "business" to "businesses" to match the plural form.

  14. "jaffic jams" -> "traffic jams"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "jaffic" to "traffic" for accuracy.

  15. "flexibly take initiatives" -> "flexibly take measures"
    Explanation: "Take initiatives" is less formal; using "take measures" is a more appropriate expression in academic writing.

  16. "ensure the balance between economic development and environmental protection" -> "maintain a balance between economic development and environmental protection"
    Explanation: "Ensure" is slightly less formal; using "maintain" enhances the formality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay discusses both the proposed solution of increasing fuel costs and alternative approaches to tackling environmental issues, covering multiple aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the efficacy of raising fuel prices while presenting other measures that could have a greater impact.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider offering more specific examples or statistics to support the alternative solutions proposed. Additionally, ensure a clearer connection between these alternative solutions and their potential impact on environmental issues.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay initially acknowledges the potential effectiveness of increasing fuel prices but ultimately favors alternative solutions, stating that investing in alternative cars and implementing congestion charges would be more effective.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the thesis by explicitly stating the stance in the introduction and consistently reinforcing this position throughout the body paragraphs. This will ensure greater clarity and coherence in presenting your viewpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, such as reduced car journeys due to increased fuel costs and alternative measures like investing in electric vehicles and congestion charges. However, these ideas lack elaboration and depth.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion by providing more detailed explanations and examples for each proposed solution. For instance, elaborate on how investing in electric vehicles would significantly reduce emissions or how congestion charges specifically impact both traffic and environmental concerns.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay primarily revolves around discussing various solutions to environmental issues. However, the focus sometimes diverts from the proposed solution of increasing fuel costs to other measures like investing in alternative energy and congestion charges.
    • How to improve: Maintain a closer connection between the proposed solution (increasing fuel costs) and the subsequent discussions of alternative measures. Clearly link each alternative measure back to its relationship with the primary solution to maintain coherence and relevance.

In summary, while the essay adequately addresses multiple facets of the prompt and provides alternative solutions, it can improve by offering more specific examples, reinforcing a consistent stance, providing in-depth explanations for proposed solutions, and ensuring a closer connection between the proposed solution and alternative measures throughout the essay. This would enhance clarity, coherence, and relevance, potentially elevating the overall response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic, and the body paragraphs present clear reasons supporting the author’s perspective. However, there is room for improvement in the organization within paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph could be more effectively structured, and the ideas could flow more smoothly. Additionally, the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring the second paragraph to present arguments in a more sequential manner. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow seamlessly from one to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph lacks clarity in its structure, making it slightly challenging for the reader to follow the main points.
    • How to improve: Revise the structure of the second paragraph by breaking down the ideas into distinct sentences. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. This will contribute to a more cohesive and easily understandable essay structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to link ideas and create coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and strategic placement of these devices. For example, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph could be smoother.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, pronouns, and transitional phrases, to enhance the overall flow. Pay particular attention to the connections between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring a seamless progression of ideas. For instance, consider using words like "moreover" or "in addition" for smoother transitions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a generally sound level of coherence and cohesion, refinements in paragraph structure and the strategic use of cohesive devices will further elevate the organization and clarity of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some variety in word choice. For instance, it uses terms like "optimal," "commuting demand," "exhaust fume," and "greenhouse effect." However, there is room for improvement as certain words and phrases are repeated (e.g., "environmental problem" and "petrol prices"). Additionally, there is a missed opportunity for more sophisticated vocabulary in some instances.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating a wider array of synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For example, instead of repeating "environmental problem," use alternatives like "ecological challenges" or "environmental crisis." Also, strive for precision in word choice to convey nuanced meanings.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where words could be used more precisely. For example, the phrase "afraid of over budgeting in transporting cost" could be refined to convey a clearer idea. Also, the term "jaffic jams" is a spelling error and affects precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Instead of "over budgeting in transporting cost," consider something like "concerned about exceeding transportation expenses." Additionally, proofread carefully to eliminate spelling errors such as "jaffic jams."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is a concern in the essay. The term "jaffic jams" is an obvious error, and there are other minor spelling mistakes (e.g., "incerasing" instead of "increasing" and "buisinesses" instead of "businesses").
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling during the proofreading process. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processors to catch errors. Consider reading the essay aloud to identify any words that may have been overlooked during a silent review.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvements can be made by incorporating a broader vocabulary, using words more precisely, and ensuring better spelling accuracy. These refinements will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, there is a tendency to use similar sentence structures in certain sections, limiting the overall variety.

    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Introduce a variety of sentence types, such as compound and complex sentences, to add sophistication and coherence. Experiment with different sentence beginnings and lengths to make the writing more engaging.

  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally accurate use of grammar. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as "incerasing" (increasing) and "jaffic" (traffic). Additionally, some sentence constructions could be refined for clearer communication.

    • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and rectify grammatical errors. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice. Consider using concise and precise language to avoid potential misunderstandings. In particular, focus on verb tenses to ensure consistency throughout the essay.

  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage in the essay is generally correct, with appropriate use of commas, periods, and other basic punctuation marks. However, there are a few instances where commas could be better placed for clarity. For example, "However, I believe" could benefit from a comma after "However" to enhance readability.

    • How to improve: Review the essay with a focus on punctuation, paying attention to the placement of commas in complex sentences. Ensure that commas are used to clarify meaning and avoid ambiguity. Consider seeking feedback on punctuation from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to refine your punctuation skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a good range of structures, contributing to the achieved Band Score of 7. To further improve, continue refining sentence structures, eliminating grammatical errors, and fine-tuning punctuation for enhanced clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, human activities have provoked an outcry about the increasing environmental problem. While it is thought that raising petrol prices is the optimal way to tackle this issue, I believe that other measures might have a greater impact.

There are two main reasons why increasing the cost of fuel would address the environmental problem. Firstly, since citizens are concerned about exceeding transportation budgets, the number of car journeys is likely to decrease. To elaborate, individuals are inclined to choose public transportation to meet their commuting demands in everyday life, releasing fewer exhaust fumes into the atmosphere. Secondly, businesses that often transport goods by air also tend to switch to delivery train services. Despite being time-consuming, this shift can save money. Both changes in individual and business behaviors contribute to the reduction of emissions from fossil-powered vehicles, thereby lowering emissions and controlling the greenhouse effect.

However, I believe that various effective solutions can be implemented to solve this problem. The first solution would be the investment in alternative energy, which can only be implemented by governments. The authorities could encourage businesses producing electric vehicles through tax incentives. A second solution would be introducing congestion charges applied to major cities. For example, London introduces fees to any vehicles visiting the city center during rush hours. Consequently, this not only prevents traffic jams in peak hours but also raises funds for other social services in the country, such as public transport.

In conclusion, while a sharp rise in petrol prices can cut down on emissions, it seems to me that investing in alternative cars and implementing congestion charges would effectively solve this issue. It is suggested that governments should flexibly take measures to ensure a balance between economic development and environmental protection.

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