The best way to youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The best way to youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In conventional culture, parents exert powerful influences on their offspring's comprehensive development. Hence, there are numerous diverse debates about whether parental care skills can alleviate adolescent crime rates optimally or with the help of other factors in society. I partly agree with this suggestion for some reasons explained in this essay.
On the one hand, there are a few explanations for why parents play such a significant role in child-related social issues. There is no denying that infants are exposed to their parents's voices and images when they are born. Understandably, they will build well-established cognitive systems that gain insights into their surrounding experiences and fundamental knowledge through a set of internal and external social interactions. Enroll in parental courses to look after their children promptly so that parents can create a healthy environment without domestic violence or navigating the wrong path. For instance, if parents make a habit of scolding their children for little things regularly and are not empathetic toward them, children gradually develop a sense of unpleasantness and rudeness toward people when they are outside.
On the other hand, children do not always restrict their development within their comfort zone from family; thus, schools and other educational institutions contribute to preventing young people from engaging in criminal behavior. It is certain that children spend most of their time at schools, where peers may have a negative influence on their behavior and increase the likelihood that they may do things beyond the law. Consequently, the role of academic institutions cannot be neglected. With a flexible position, schools can impose strict regulations and hold numerous outdoor activities to allow students to improve their social and psychological skills within proper boundaries. As a result, they are provided with sufficient knowledge to set foot in a realistic world.
In conclusion, we should find the right balance between parental role and community factors to develop children's behavior and personalities. Therefore, they must work closely together to minimize youth criminality.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In conventional culture" -> "In traditional culture"
Explanation: "Conventional" typically refers to something that is usual or customary, but in this context, "traditional" is more precise in describing cultural norms and practices that have been passed down through generations. -
"exert powerful influences" -> "exercise significant influence"
Explanation: "Exercise significant influence" is a more formal and precise phrase that better fits the academic tone, emphasizing the extent of the influence. -
"numerous diverse debates" -> "numerous diverse discussions"
Explanation: "Discussions" is more appropriate than "debates" in this context, as it suggests a more open and exploratory exchange of ideas rather than a confrontational debate. -
"alleviate adolescent crime rates optimally" -> "effectively reduce adolescent crime rates"
Explanation: "Effectively reduce" is more direct and academically precise than "alleviate optimally," which can sound overly formal and vague. -
"partly agree" -> "partially agree"
Explanation: "Partially agree" is a more formal expression commonly used in academic writing to indicate a qualified agreement. -
"there are a few explanations for why" -> "there are several reasons why"
Explanation: "Several reasons" is more specific and formal than "a few explanations," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"parents’s voices" -> "parents’ voices"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form to "parents’" for grammatical accuracy. -
"build well-established cognitive systems" -> "develop robust cognitive systems"
Explanation: "Develop" is more precise in this context, indicating the process of growth and maturation, whereas "build" can imply construction, which is less accurate. -
"Enroll in parental courses" -> "Enroll in parenting courses"
Explanation: "Parenting courses" is the correct term, as "parental" refers to relating to parents rather than the act of parenting. -
"look after their children promptly" -> "care for their children effectively"
Explanation: "Care for their children effectively" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the quality of care rather than just the promptness. -
"navigating the wrong path" -> "pursuing an incorrect path"
Explanation: "Pursuing an incorrect path" is more formal and specific, avoiding the idiomatic expression "navigating the wrong path." -
"children do not always restrict their development within their comfort zone" -> "children do not always limit their development to their comfort zone"
Explanation: "Limit" is more precise than "restrict," and "to their comfort zone" is a more formal way of expressing the idea. -
"With a flexible position" -> "With flexibility"
Explanation: "With flexibility" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "With a flexible position." -
"impose strict regulations" -> "enact strict regulations"
Explanation: "Enact" is more specific and formal than "impose," which can imply force or coercion, which is not the intended meaning here. -
"hold numerous outdoor activities" -> "organize numerous outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Organize" is more specific and appropriate in the context of planning and conducting events, whereas "hold" is less formal and less precise. -
"set foot in a realistic world" -> "enter the real world"
Explanation: "Enter the real world" is a more natural and formal way to express the idea of transitioning into adulthood, avoiding the metaphorical "set foot in." -
"must work closely together" -> "must collaborate closely"
Explanation: "Collaborate" is a more precise and formal term than "work together," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the role of parental skills in mitigating youth crime, indicating a partial agreement with the statement. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs explore both the parental influence and the role of educational institutions. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the extent of agreement or disagreement in the conclusion, which could leave the reader unclear about the author’s final stance.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should clearly define their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more direct statement regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement (e.g., "I strongly believe that while parental skills are important, they are not the only solution") would provide a clearer response to the prompt.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges the importance of parental skills while also recognizing the influence of other factors like schools. This dual focus can create some ambiguity regarding the author’s main argument. For instance, phrases like "I partly agree" suggest a balanced view but do not strongly advocate for one side.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author could use more definitive language throughout the essay. For example, instead of saying "I partly agree," the writer could specify the degree of importance they attribute to parental skills versus other influences. Additionally, using transitional phrases that reinforce the main argument can help maintain focus.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the influence of parental behavior on children and the role of schools. However, the support for these ideas could be stronger. For instance, while the essay mentions that children develop negative behaviors due to poor parental guidance, it lacks specific examples or data to substantiate this claim. The discussion about schools is somewhat vague and could benefit from more detailed examples of programs or policies that effectively reduce youth crime.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of parental education and school programs in reducing youth crime. This could involve citing successful case studies or research findings that illustrate the impact of these factors.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of parental skills and educational institutions in relation to youth crime. However, some sentences, particularly in the first body paragraph, become overly complex and may distract from the main argument. For example, the phrase "Understandably, they will build well-established cognitive systems…" could be simplified to enhance clarity and focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should aim for clearer and more concise sentences. Avoiding overly complex structures and jargon will help ensure that the main ideas remain prominent. Additionally, each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the prompt, guiding the reader through the argument more effectively.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the topic and the writer’s stance. The first body paragraph focuses on the role of parents, while the second addresses the influence of schools. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the connection between parental influence and educational institutions is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first paragraph, you could add a sentence that hints at the importance of external influences, such as schools, in shaping a child’s behavior. This would create a more cohesive narrative and guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses parental influence, while the second focuses on schools. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the importance of parental skills in preventing youth crime.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by beginning each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph consistently develops that point with supporting details. This will not only clarify the argument but also enhance readability.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition from discussing parental influence to the role of schools lacks a cohesive device that ties these ideas together.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore" or "In addition" to connect related ideas, and "Conversely" to introduce opposing viewpoints. This will help create a more fluid reading experience and reinforce the relationships between your ideas.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score for Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "exert," "alleviate," "cognitive systems," and "empathy" showcasing a solid understanding of the topic. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "powerful influences" could be replaced with "significant impacts" to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, the use of "numerous diverse debates" is somewhat redundant; "numerous debates" or "diverse discussions" would suffice.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "parents" multiple times, alternatives like "guardians" or "caregivers" could be used. Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more academic texts can help in identifying varied vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "comprehensive development" could be more accurately described as "holistic development" to better convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "infants are exposed to their parents’s voices" contains a grammatical error with "parents’s," which should be "parents’." The phrase "develop a sense of unpleasantness and rudeness" could also be refined to "develop feelings of resentment and hostility," which would be more precise.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and connotation when selecting vocabulary. Reading more academic essays can provide insight into how to choose words that convey the intended meaning more accurately. Furthermore, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will help eliminate errors that can detract from the precision of vocabulary.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy overall, but there are minor errors that could impact the reader’s understanding. For example, "parents’s" is incorrect and should be "parents’." Additionally, the phrase "scolding their children for little things regularly" could be misinterpreted due to the awkward construction, which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading their work. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked when reading silently. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also aid in improving spelling proficiency.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary appropriate for the IELTS Task 2 criteria, achieving a Band Score of 7. To reach a higher band, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through diligent proofreading.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of introductory phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. Additionally, the sentence "Understandably, they will build well-established cognitive systems that gain insights into their surrounding experiences and fundamental knowledge through a set of internal and external social interactions" showcases the use of complex structures. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "there are," the writer could use alternatives like "One significant factor is…" or "Another aspect to consider is…". Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences or participial phrases could add depth to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "parents’s voices and images" contains a grammatical mistake in the possessive form; it should be "parents’ voices and images" to indicate plural possession. Furthermore, the sentence "Enroll in parental courses to look after their children promptly so that parents can create a healthy environment without domestic violence or navigating the wrong path" is awkwardly constructed and lacks a clear subject. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some missing commas that could improve clarity, such as after introductory clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to possessive forms and ensure that subjects are clearly defined in sentences. A thorough proofreading process could help catch these errors. Additionally, practicing sentence restructuring and varying punctuation use, such as incorporating more commas to separate clauses, would enhance clarity and readability.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted areas for improvement could elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In conventional culture, parents exert a powerful influence on their offspring’s comprehensive development. Hence, there are numerous diverse discussions about whether parental care skills can optimally alleviate adolescent crime rates or whether other factors in society also play a role. I partially agree with this suggestion for several reasons explained in this essay.
On the one hand, there are a few explanations for why parents play such a significant role in child-related social issues. There is no denying that infants are exposed to their parents’ voices and images when they are born. Understandably, they will build well-established cognitive systems that gain insights into their surrounding experiences and fundamental knowledge through a set of internal and external social interactions. Parents should enroll in parenting courses to care for their children effectively so that they can create a healthy environment without domestic violence or navigating an incorrect path. For instance, if parents make a habit of scolding their children for little things regularly and are not empathetic toward them, children gradually develop a sense of unpleasantness and rudeness toward people when they are outside.
On the other hand, children do not always limit their development to their comfort zone within the family; thus, schools and other educational institutions contribute to preventing young people from engaging in criminal behavior. It is certain that children spend most of their time at school, where peers may have a negative influence on their behavior and increase the likelihood that they may engage in unlawful activities. Consequently, the role of academic institutions cannot be neglected. With flexibility, schools can enact strict regulations and organize numerous outdoor activities to allow students to develop their social and psychological skills within proper boundaries. As a result, they are provided with sufficient knowledge to enter the real world.
In conclusion, we should find the right balance between the parental role and community factors to develop children’s behavior and personalities. Therefore, they must collaborate closely to minimize youth criminality.