the chart below give the septh of snow(cm) in particular ski resort in Canada in three individual years

The given chart demonstrates the height of snow(cm) in specific skirting resort in Canada in three people years
Overall , it is obviously observed that there was an upward trend for the depth of snow in three of year in February , March and April , while the opposite was true for the November , December along with January during the research time
It is universally acknowledged that the height of snow in February , March and April witnessed a gigantic category of year one , approximately 450 , 450 and 400 for each , which was more than two fold in comparison with the year one in November , December and January , by slightly 100 , 150 and 150 respectively. Besides , the depth of year two accounted for persistent categorisation of November December and January , at slightly 100 for each , which was less than a half compared to the height of snow in February , march and April , significantly 400 , 400 , 450 respectively
It is an undeniable fact that year three was seen as a run-of-the-mill sorting of depth of snow in November , December and January , at 100 , 150 and 200 in turn , while the opposite for February , March and April , at considerably 300 for each

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given chart demonstrates the height of snow(cm) in specific skirting resort in Canada in three people years" -> "The provided chart illustrates the snow depth (cm) in a specific ski resort in Canada over three years"
Explanation: "The given chart" is informal and vague; "the provided chart" is more precise and formal. "Height of snow" is less accurate than "snow depth," which is the standard term in meteorological and scientific contexts. "Skirting resort" is incorrect; "ski resort" is the correct term. "Three people years" is unclear and incorrect; "three years" is the correct phrase.
"Overall, it is obviously observed that" -> "Overall, it is evident that"
Explanation: "Obviously observed" is redundant; "evident" is sufficient and more formal. Removing the comma after "Overall" corrects the punctuation error.
"gigantic category of year one" -> "substantial increase in year one"
Explanation: "Gigantic category" is unclear and incorrect; "substantial increase" is a precise and appropriate term for describing changes in data.
"approximately 450, 450 and 400 for each" -> "approximately 450, 450, and 400 for each"
Explanation: The commas should be used consistently to separate items in a list, not just after the first and third items.
"by slightly 100, 150 and 150 respectively" -> "by approximately 100, 150, and 150, respectively"
Explanation: "By slightly" is informal and vague; "approximately" is more precise and formal. The comma after "150" is necessary for clarity and proper punctuation.
"the depth of year two accounted for persistent categorisation of November December and January" -> "the snow depth in year two remained consistently low in November, December, and January"
Explanation: "Accounted for persistent categorisation" is awkward and unclear; "remained consistently low" is more direct and clear. "November, December, and January" should be separated by commas for proper punctuation.
"which was less than a half compared to the height of snow in February, march and April" -> "which was less than half the height of snow in February, March, and April"
Explanation: "Less than a half" is awkward and incorrect; "less than half" is the correct comparative form. Removing the comma after "February" corrects the punctuation error.
"significantly 400, 400, 450 respectively" -> "significantly 400, 400, and 450, respectively"
Explanation: The commas should be used consistently to separate items in a list, and "and" is necessary for proper punctuation.
"It is an undeniable fact that year three was seen as a run-of-the-mill sorting of depth of snow" -> "It is clear that year three exhibited typical snow depths"
Explanation: "Run-of-the-mill sorting" is informal and unclear; "typical" is a more precise and formal term. "Depth of snow" is redundant; "snow depths" is sufficient.
"at 100, 150 and 200 in turn" -> "at 100, 150, and 200"
Explanation: The phrase "in turn" is unnecessary and informal; the list should be separated by commas for clarity and formality.
"considerably 300 for each" -> "considerably 300 each"
Explanation: "For each" is redundant; "each" is sufficient and more concise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as the statement that the depth of snow in February, March, and April was more than two-fold in comparison with the depth of snow in November, December, and January.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the data. For example, the essay could state that the depth of snow in February, March, and April was generally higher than the depth of snow in November, December, and January. The essay could also provide more specific details about the data, such as the exact depth of snow in each month.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate or repetitive, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, as the essay lacks clear topic sentences and logical structure, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help in linking sentences and ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Finally, ensuring that paragraphs are structured logically will contribute to a clearer progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "skirting resort" instead of "ski resort," and "gigantic category" which is unclear and inappropriate in context. Additionally, the use of phrases like "persistent categorisation" and "run-of-the-mill sorting" reflects a lack of precision and appropriateness in vocabulary. While the essay attempts to convey the data, the frequent errors in spelling and word formation, such as "depth of year two" and "in turn," may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise terms relevant to the context of the essay. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items can help convey meanings more accurately. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will improve clarity and coherence. Engaging with a variety of texts can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors that significantly hinder clarity and comprehension. There are several instances of incorrect word choices (e.g., "skirting resort" instead of "ski resort," "gigantic category" instead of a more appropriate term), and the sentence structures are often awkward and confusing. Additionally, punctuation errors are prevalent, which further complicates the reader’s understanding. The use of subordinate clauses is minimal, and the overall grammatical accuracy is poor, leading to a score that reflects these deficiencies.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Structures: Incorporate a variety of complex sentences and subordinate clauses to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Vocabulary Precision: Use more precise vocabulary to convey ideas clearly and accurately, avoiding vague or incorrect terms.
Punctuation Practice: Improve punctuation usage to enhance clarity and readability, ensuring that sentences are correctly structured.
Practice Writing: Regularly practice writing essays on various topics to build confidence and familiarity with different grammatical forms.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart demonstrates the height of snow (cm) in a specific ski resort in Canada over three individual years. Overall, it is clearly observed that there was an upward trend in the depth of snow during February, March, and April across the three years, while the opposite was true for November, December, and January during the same period.

It is universally acknowledged that the height of snow in February, March, and April experienced a significant increase in year one, with measurements of approximately 450 cm, 450 cm, and 400 cm, respectively. This was more than double the amounts recorded in year one for November, December, and January, which were around 100 cm, 150 cm, and 150 cm, respectively. Additionally, the depth of snow in year two showed consistent measurements for November, December, and January, at approximately 100 cm for each month, which was less than half compared to the height of snow in February, March, and April, which were significantly 400 cm, 400 cm, and 450 cm, respectively.

It is an undeniable fact that year three exhibited a typical pattern for the depth of snow in November, December, and January, with measurements of 100 cm, 150 cm, and 200 cm in turn, while the opposite trend was observed for February, March, and April, with considerably higher amounts of 300 cm for each month.