The chart below gives information about billions of euros invested in four areas by various organisations.

The chart below gives information about billions of euros invested in four areas by
various organisations.

The table below compared the amount of euros that many organizations invested in four categories comprised machinary, building, staff training and research.
Overall, the organizations B indicated the highest allocation of money while organization D and E showed the stable and the lowest speding.
Staff training was the most interested area that organization B investing over 1.8 billions but the organization D spent 0.6 billions which is the lowest figures in the area. Additionally, most organizations have crucially spending money on building all over 1 billions due to the qualities of society enhance rapidly. Similiarly with the staff training, on research have the same allocation which reach the highest money on organization B and dropped by 1 billion from 1.6 billions to 0.6 billions. Regarding the machinery area, while it had the nearly same allocation in organization in A, B, D and E but reaching the peak at over 1.2 billions in organization C.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"compared the amount of euros" -> "compared the amounts invested in euros"
Explanation: "Amounts invested" is more precise and formal than "amount of euros," clarifying that the focus is on investment rather than just currency.
"organizations B indicated" -> "Organization B indicated"
Explanation: Consistency in referring to "Organization B" in the singular form enhances clarity and grammatical correctness.
"the stable and the lowest speding" -> "a stable allocation and the lowest spending"
Explanation: "A stable allocation" is more precise and formal than "the stable," and "spending" is corrected from "speding" for proper spelling.
"the most interested area" -> "the area of greatest interest"
Explanation: "The area of greatest interest" is a more formal and precise expression than "the most interested area," which is vague.
"that organization B investing" -> "that Organization B invested"
Explanation: The verb "investing" should be in the past tense "invested" to maintain consistency in the narrative tense.
"the lowest figures in the area" -> "the lowest figure in this category"
Explanation: "Figure" is singular and "this category" is more specific than "the area," improving clarity.
"crucially spending money on building all over 1 billions" -> "significantly allocating funds for building, exceeding 1 billion"
Explanation: "Significantly allocating funds" is a more formal and precise phrase than "crucially spending money," and "exceeding 1 billion" corrects the pluralization error.
"due to the qualities of society enhance rapidly" -> "due to the rapid enhancement of societal qualities"
Explanation: "Rapid enhancement of societal qualities" is more formal and precise than "qualities of society enhance rapidly," improving clarity and academic tone.
"Similiarly with the staff training, on research have the same allocation" -> "Similarly, research received the same allocation as staff training"
Explanation: "Similarly" is corrected for spelling, and the rephrased sentence improves clarity and grammatical structure.
"which reach the highest money on organization B and dropped by 1 billion from 1.6 billions to 0.6 billions" -> "which reached the highest allocation in Organization B and decreased by 1 billion from 1.6 billion to 0.6 billion"
Explanation: "Reached the highest allocation" is more precise than "highest money," and "decreased" is a more formal term than "dropped." Additionally, "billion" should be singular when referring to a specific amount.
"while it had the nearly same allocation in organization in A, B, D and E" -> "while it had a nearly identical allocation among Organizations A, B, D, and E"
Explanation: "A nearly identical allocation" is more precise than "the nearly same allocation," and "among Organizations" is clearer than "in organization in."
"but reaching the peak at over 1.2 billions in organization C" -> "but reached a peak of over 1.2 billion in Organization C"
Explanation: "Reached a peak of" is more formal and precise than "reaching the peak at," and "billion" should be singular when referring to a specific amount.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. There is no data to support the description. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay should present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also provide more specific data to support the description. For example, the essay could state that "Organization B invested the most money in staff training, with over 1.8 billion euros invested." The essay should also avoid focusing on details and instead focus on the overall trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the investments across different organizations, the ideas are not clearly linked, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the argument. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, making it difficult for the reader to follow the structure of the essay.

How to improve:

Enhance Logical Flow: Focus on creating a clearer progression of ideas. Each paragraph should logically lead to the next, with clear topic sentences that outline the main point.
Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth.
Improve Paragraph Structure: Organize the essay into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the data. This will help clarify the main points and improve readability.
Clarify Comparisons: When making comparisons, ensure that the data is presented clearly and accurately, using specific figures to support the statements made.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "allocation," "invested"), the overall lexical resource is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "machinary" (should be "machinery"), "speding" (should be "spending"), and "interested" (should be "interesting"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and more precise terms. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors will improve overall clarity. Practicing the use of collocations and less common lexical items in context can also help achieve greater flexibility and precision in language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. However, these attempts are often inaccurate, leading to frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, phrases like "the most interested area" and "the stable and the lowest speding" indicate a lack of precision in word choice and grammatical accuracy. Additionally, errors in punctuation and sentence structure can cause some difficulty for the reader, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 5 score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures, incorporating more complex sentences while ensuring accuracy. They should also work on proofreading to minimize grammatical errors and improve clarity. Using varied vocabulary and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, practicing sentence variety and coherence will help in producing a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table below compares the amounts of euros that various organizations invested in four categories: machinery, building, staff training, and research. Overall, organization B indicated the highest allocation of funds, while organizations D and E showed stable and the lowest spending, respectively.

Staff training was the most significant area for organization B, which invested over 1.8 billion euros, whereas organization D spent only 0.6 billion euros, marking the lowest figure in this category. Additionally, most organizations significantly allocated funds to building, with all investments exceeding 1 billion euros, reflecting the rapid enhancement of societal qualities. Similarly, in research, organization B had the highest allocation, while spending dropped by 1 billion euros from 1.6 billion euros to 0.6 billion euros for other organizations. Regarding the machinery category, while the allocations were nearly the same for organizations A, B, D, and E, organization C reached the peak with over 1.2 billion euros invested.