fbpx

The chart below gives information about how people aged25–34 are housed in the UK.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about how people aged25–34 are housed in the UK.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given picture delineates differences in the numbers of people owning or renting a house ranging from the age of 25 to 34 in the United Kingdom.
Between 2004 and 2010, there was an opposite trajectory in the proportion of property owners and tenants. While the former had a peak of 58%, initially, the latter accounted for around a third and its distribution experienced a gradual uptick, increasing by 15% after six years. Meanwhile, the figures for those who had their home dropped mimimally by years and made up 10% lower than its first year during the same period of time.
Coincidently, two years later, they both remained consistently. Approximately 42% of people stated that they had a house, compared to 2% higher than that of the renting individuals. From 2013 and 2014 reveals a striking pattern for them, as the first group of people went down slightly from 40% to only over 35%.. It is exceeded by the second group, which rose modestly from 45 to 48%, become the highest number at the end of the research


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the given picture delineates" -> "the provided illustration delineates"
    Explanation: "Provided" is more formal than "given," and "illustration" is more precise than "picture" in an academic context.

  2. "differences in the numbers of people owning or renting a house" -> "differences in the proportions of individuals who own or rent a house"
    Explanation: "Proportions" is more precise than "numbers," and "individuals" is a more formal term than "people." The phrase "who own or rent" is clearer than "owning or renting."

  3. "an opposite trajectory" -> "a divergent trajectory"
    Explanation: "Divergent" is a more formal and precise term that conveys the idea of moving in different directions more effectively than "opposite."

  4. "the former had a peak of 58%" -> "the proportion of property owners peaked at 58%"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies that "the former" refers specifically to property owners and uses "peaked" to indicate the highest point more formally.

  5. "the latter accounted for around a third" -> "the proportion of tenants accounted for approximately one-third"
    Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise than "the latter," and "approximately one-third" is clearer and more formal than "around a third."

  6. "its distribution experienced a gradual uptick" -> "its distribution exhibited a gradual increase"
    Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal than "experienced," and "increase" is clearer than "uptick," which is more informal.

  7. "dropped mimimally by years" -> "decreased marginally over the years"
    Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal term than "dropped," and "marginally" is more precise than "minimally." "Over the years" is clearer than "by years."

  8. "made up 10% lower than its first year" -> "constituted 10% less than in the initial year"
    Explanation: "Constituted" is more formal than "made up," and "in the initial year" is clearer than "its first year."

  9. "Coincidently, two years later, they both remained consistently." -> "Coincidentally, two years later, both proportions remained stable."
    Explanation: "Coincidentally" is the correct spelling, and "stable" is a more precise term than "consistently."

  10. "compared to 2% higher than that of the renting individuals" -> "compared to 2% higher than that of the renting population"
    Explanation: "Population" is a more formal term than "individuals" in this context.

  11. "From 2013 and 2014 reveals a striking pattern for them" -> "The period from 2013 to 2014 reveals a striking pattern for both groups"
    Explanation: "The period from 2013 to 2014" is clearer and more formal than "From 2013 and 2014," and specifying "both groups" clarifies the subjects.

  12. "the first group of people went down slightly from 40% to only over 35%" -> "the proportion of property owners decreased slightly from 40% to just above 35%"
    Explanation: "Proportion of property owners" is more precise than "the first group of people," and "just above" is clearer than "only over."

  13. "It is exceeded by the second group" -> "This was surpassed by the proportion of tenants"
    Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more formal term than "exceeded," and "proportion of tenants" is clearer than "the second group."

  14. "which rose modestly from 45 to 48%, become the highest number at the end of the research" -> "which rose modestly from 45% to 48%, becoming the highest proportion by the conclusion of the study."
    Explanation: "Becoming" is the correct form, and "highest proportion by the conclusion of the study" is clearer and more formal than "highest number at the end of the research."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the information presented in the chart, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages in the data. It also does not adequately highlight the key features of the chart. For example, the essay states that "the figures for those who had their home dropped mimimally by years and made up 10% lower than its first year during the same period of time," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the chart more effectively. For example, the essay could state that the proportion of home owners decreased from 2004 to 2014, while the proportion of renters increased over the same period. The essay could also provide specific data to support these claims.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression. While it attempts to convey the changes in home ownership and renting among the specified age group, the logical flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to some confusion in understanding the relationships between ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical or effective, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic will help in organizing the information more effectively. Reducing the overuse of certain cohesive devices and incorporating a wider range of them will also contribute to a more fluid reading experience. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can significantly improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "delineates," "trajectory," and "uptick." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrases, such as "the figures for those who had their home dropped mimimally" and "become the highest number." Additionally, there are errors in spelling (e.g., "mimimally" should be "minimally") and word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader, but they do not completely impede communication. Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements, it lacks the precision and control expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and ensuring accurate word choice. Practicing the use of synonyms and collocations can help improve fluency and flexibility. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors before submission would help to eliminate minor mistakes that can detract from the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with a wider range of academic texts can also provide exposure to more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is compromised by several errors in grammar and punctuation. For instance, phrases like "dropped mimimally by years" and "become the highest number" contain grammatical inaccuracies that can hinder understanding. Additionally, the use of "approximately 42% of people stated that they had a house" lacks clarity and precision in expression. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the errors do occasionally reduce the effectiveness of communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy.
  2. Proofreading: Review the essay for common grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes before submission.
  3. Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer expressions of ideas. For example, instead of "the figures for those who had their home dropped mimimally," consider rephrasing to "the number of homeowners decreased slightly."
  4. Practice: Regularly write and revise essays to build confidence in using complex structures accurately.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart delineates the differences in the numbers of people owning or renting a house within the age group of 25 to 34 in the United Kingdom.

Between 2004 and 2010, there was an opposing trajectory in the proportions of property owners and tenants. While the former peaked at 58%, initially, the latter accounted for around one-third, with its distribution experiencing a gradual increase of 15% over six years. Meanwhile, the figures for those who owned their homes declined minimally over the years, ending up 10% lower than in the initial year during the same period.

Coincidentally, two years later, both groups remained relatively stable. Approximately 42% of people reported that they owned a house, compared to 2% more than those who were renting. The years 2013 and 2014 revealed a striking pattern, as the first group of homeowners decreased slightly from 40% to just over 35%. This figure was surpassed by the second group, which rose modestly from 45% to 48%, becoming the highest number by the end of the research period.

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này