The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first
child in 1966,
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where
relevant.

The provided chart illustrates the number
of Australia's female beared their first
born child in 1966,1986 and 2006
As presented in the diagram, there was a
descending tendency in the under 19 and
19-24 years group, while the opposite
was true for the remaining factors. It is
evident that the over-40 age groups
generally had the lowest data over the
reported time frame.
Initially, the percentage of women in the
under 19 age groups started at 35 and
62, after which it experienced a dramatic
reduction to 20 before ending the period
with a decline to 12 in 2006. Besides
similar change can also be seen in the
figure for the 19-24 years old which
rapidly decreased from 62% to 28%
between 1966 and 2006.
Moving to the remaining factors, 35% of
the 25-30-year-old Australia's females
gave birth to their firstborn child in 1966,
with a subsequent growth to 50% then
slight depletion to 38% in 2006. Similar
changes, but to lesser extents, can be
seen in the statistics of the 30-34, 34-39
and above 40 year olds, which rose from
12% to 45%, from 8% to 30% as well as
from 2% to 4% respectively during the
ending of period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"female beared" -> "female bore"
Explanation: "Beared" is an incorrect form of the verb "bear." "Bore" is the past tense form of "bear," which is more appropriate here.
"descending tendency" -> "declining trend"
Explanation: "Tendency" refers to a likelihood or inclination, whereas "trend" better describes the overall direction of the data.
"the remaining factors" -> "other age groups"
Explanation: "Factors" is not the most precise term here; "age groups" better captures the intended meaning.
"generally had the lowest data" -> "generally exhibited the lowest figures"
Explanation: "Data" is a plural noun; therefore, it should be preceded by "figures" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"started at 35 and 62" -> "began at 35 and 62 percent"
Explanation: Adding "percent" clarifies that the numbers refer to percentages, enhancing precision.
"experienced a dramatic reduction" -> "underwent a significant decrease"
Explanation: "Experienced a dramatic reduction" can be replaced with a more precise and formal phrase like "underwent a significant decrease" to enhance clarity.
"a decline to 12" -> "dropping to 12 percent"
Explanation: Adding "percent" maintains consistency with the representation of percentages in the rest of the essay.
"figure for the 19-24 years old" -> "percentage for the 19-24 age group"
Explanation: "Figure" can refer to a numerical value, but "percentage" is more appropriate in this context as it specifies the type of data being discussed.
"rapidly decreased" -> "steadily declined"
Explanation: "Rapidly decreased" can be substituted with "steadily declined" to convey a smoother and more controlled descent.
"25-30-year-old Australia’s females" -> "Australian females aged 25-30"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrasing provides clearer syntax and maintains consistency with the structure used for other age groups.
"slight depletion" -> "modest decline"
Explanation: "Depletion" typically refers to the reduction of a resource, while "decline" better suits the context of decreasing percentages.
"but to lesser extents" -> "albeit to a lesser degree"
Explanation: "Extents" is less precise than "degree" in this context, which refers to the amount or level of change.
"during the ending of period" -> "toward the end of the period"
Explanation: "During the ending of period" lacks clarity and can be replaced with "toward the end of the period" for better understanding of the timeframe.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the chart and making comparisons where relevant. It adequately covers the key age groups and trends over time. However, there are some issues with clarity and detail. Some sentences are unclear or grammatically incorrect, which can affect understanding. Additionally, the essay lacks precise data points and may contain inaccuracies, such as stating "35% of the 25-30-year-old Australia’s females gave birth" without specifying the year.
How to improve: Focus on clarity and accuracy in presenting the information. Provide specific data points from the chart and ensure that the comparisons are clearly stated. Improve grammar and sentence structure for better readability and comprehension. Ensure that all information is relevant and accurately reflects the data presented in the chart.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay generally exhibits clear organization of information and ideas, showing progression from the start to the end of the essay. The writer introduces data from three different time periods and describes trends across these periods, which aids in creating a logical sequence. Cohesive devices are used to link ideas and sections, such as "Initially," "Besides," and "Moving to the remaining factors." These transitions help in guiding the reader through the analysis, though their use is somewhat mechanical at times, indicating a slight over-reliance which might hinder the seamless flow of information.

Each paragraph in the essay presents a clear central topic, focusing on different age groups and the changes in their percentages over the years. However, there are minor issues with clarity and precision in referencing and substitution that could lead to misunderstandings, such as "similar change can also be seen" which could benefit from clearer referencing to what specific change is being discussed.

How to improve:
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider the following:

Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and mechanical linkage. Experiment with synonyms and paraphrased expressions to ensure variety and fluidity.
Improve clarity in referencing by explicitly stating the subjects and objects in your sentences when discussing changes and trends. This will reduce ambiguity and make the essay easier to follow.
Refine the use of paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with more nuanced transitional phrases that better reflect the relationship between ideas.
Enhance the precision of your language to avoid vague terms and improve the accuracy of the data presentation, making it easier for the reader to understand exact figures and comparisons.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There is an attempt to convey information using varied vocabulary, but the usage lacks precision and sophistication. Some errors in word choice and collocation are noticeable, which may cause difficulty for the reader in fully understanding the text.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding vocabulary to convey information more precisely and effectively. Use a wider range of vocabulary with more attention to word choice and collocation. Additionally, ensure accuracy in spelling and word formation to enhance clarity and coherence in the essay. Practicing writing with a variety of vocabulary and paying attention to feedback on word usage and accuracy can help improve lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of structures, including complex sentences, but there are notable grammatical errors throughout that affect clarity and accuracy. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the number of Australia’s female beared") and article usage ("the under 19 age groups"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization ("moving to the remaining factors"). While there is an effort to present a variety of sentence structures, the accuracy is compromised by these errors.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on sentence structure complexity while ensuring correctness in grammar and punctuation. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and consistent punctuation. Proofreading and editing for errors will enhance clarity and coherence, leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart illustrates the age distribution of Australian women at the time of their first childbirth in the years 1966, 1986, and 2006.

As presented in the diagram, there was a declining trend in the percentage of women under 19 and aged 19-24, while the opposite was observed for the other age groups. Notably, the over-40 age group consistently exhibited the lowest proportion of first-time mothers throughout the reported period.

Initially, the proportion of women in the under 19 age group stood at 35% and 62% in 1966 and 1986 respectively, followed by a significant decrease to 20% before ending the period at 12% in 2006. Similarly, the percentage of women aged 19-24 declined from 62% in 1966 to 28% in 2006.

Turning to the other age groups, 35% of Australian females aged 25-30 gave birth to their first child in 1966, with subsequent increases to 50% by 1986, followed by a slight decrease to 38% by 2006. Similar but less pronounced changes can be observed in the statistics for the 30-34, 34-39, and over 40 age groups, which rose from 12% to 45%, from 8% to 30%, and from 2% to 4% respectively over the reported period.