fbpx

The chart below gives information about the most common sports played in New Zealand in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below gives information about the most common sports played in New Zealand in 2002.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The provided bar chart compares the proportion of males and females participating in different sports in New Zealand in 2002. Overall, there were noticeable disparities between two genders in the majority of sports, with the exception for athletics, basketball and tennis.
In New Zealand, nearly 1 in 4 boys played soccer, which made it the most popular sports among them. The percentages of boys engaging in swimming was approximately a half of that, with 13%. This was followed by cricket, matial arts, tennis and baseball, with about 10%, 9%, 8% and 7% of males respectively. Specifically, these sports were more prevalent among men than women. Meanwhile, the proportion of men taking part in netball was negligible, and unspcified kinds of sports attracted 18% of them.
In terms of girls’ sports, netball was the most popular, with 25% of them playing. Swimming was closely behind with the proportion of about 23%. The figures for athletic, martial arts, basket ball, tennis and soccer were much lower, associated with around 5% of females in New Zealand. Especially, only 1% of them partook in cricket. The figure for other sports was 10%.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "disparities between two genders" -> "disparities between the two genders"
    Explanation: Adding the definite article "the" before "two genders" enhances grammatical correctness and clarity.
  2. "popular sports among them" -> "popular sports among males"
    Explanation: Specifying "males" instead of using the pronoun "them" improves clarity by explicitly stating the demographic being referred to.
  3. "matial arts" -> "martial arts"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "matial" to "martial" ensures accuracy in describing the sport.
  4. "about 10%" -> "approximately 10%"
    Explanation: Using "approximately" instead of "about" maintains precision in indicating the percentage.
  5. "prevalent among men than women" -> "more prevalent among males than females"
    Explanation: Replacing "men" with "males" and "women" with "females" enhances clarity and formal tone.
  6. "proportion of men taking part in netball" -> "proportion of males participating in netball"
    Explanation: Substituting "men" with "males" and "taking part" with "participating" improves precision and clarity.
  7. "unspcified kinds of sports" -> "unspecified types of sports"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "unspcified" to "unspecified" ensures accuracy, and replacing "kinds" with "types" enhances formal language use.
  8. "girls’ sports" -> "sports for girls"
    Explanation: Restructuring to "sports for girls" maintains clarity and adheres to standard possessive form.
  9. "Swimming was closely behind" -> "Swimming closely followed"
    Explanation: Replacing "was closely behind" with "closely followed" enhances clarity and avoids awkward phrasing.
  10. "figures for athletic" -> "figures for athletics"
    Explanation: Changing "athletic" to "athletics" ensures grammatical correctness and aligns with the appropriate terminology for the sport.
  11. "basket ball" -> "basketball"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "basket ball" to "basketball" ensures accuracy.
  12. "especially, only 1% of them partook" -> "particularly, only 1% of them participated"
    Explanation: Replacing "especially" with "particularly" improves precision, and substituting "partook" with "participated" enhances clarity and formal tone.
  13. "other sports was 10%" -> "other sports accounted for 10%"
    Explanation: Clarifying that "other sports" accounted for the mentioned percentage improves clarity and avoids ambiguity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in sports participation among males and females in New Zealand in 2002. It effectively presents and highlights key features, such as the most popular sports for each gender and notable differences in participation rates. The comparisons between genders are appropriately made, and the main features of the bar chart are reported with clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider expanding on the explanations for the disparities in sports participation between genders. Additionally, ensure that all details provided are accurate and relevant to the task, avoiding any unnecessary repetition or unclear information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of information with a clear overall progression. It begins with an introduction summarizing the main features of the chart. Then, it proceeds to discuss the sports participation of males and females separately, which aids in clarity and logical flow. Each paragraph focuses on a specific gender and provides detailed information about their participation in various sports. However, there are some issues with cohesion within and between sentences. For instance, the transition between discussing male sports to female sports could be smoother. Additionally, there are minor errors in sentence structure and word choice that slightly affect the cohesion. Overall, the essay presents information in a reasonably coherent manner with a discernible structure.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the transitions between paragraphs and sentences. Ensure that each sentence logically follows the preceding one, providing a smooth flow of ideas. Pay attention to sentence structure and word choice to eliminate any awkward phrasing or ambiguity that may hinder clarity. Additionally, strengthen the use of cohesive devices to better connect ideas within and between sentences, enhancing overall cohesion. Finally, ensure that the paragraphing is consistent and logical throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, with a variety of sports terminologies utilized. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "disparities," "proportion," "prevalent," "unspecified," and "associated." While there is some awareness of style and collocation evident, occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present, such as "matial" instead of "martial" arts. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and spelling accuracy. Proofreading the essay for minor errors and selecting more precise vocabulary where appropriate would enhance the overall lexical sophistication and accuracy. Additionally, expanding vocabulary related to sports and statistical analysis could further enrich the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There’s an attempt to vary sentence forms, but some sentences lack complexity and fluency. The essay presents a clear overview of the data and makes comparisons where relevant. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as "matial" instead of "martial," "basket ball" instead of "basketball," and "unspcified" instead of "unspecified." These errors, though frequent, do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound-complex sentences. Pay attention to accurate spelling and punctuation. Proofreading carefully before submission can help catch and correct errors, ensuring clearer communication. Additionally, aim for consistency in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the gender-based distribution of participation in various sports in New Zealand during the year 2002. Overall, discernible discrepancies are evident between males and females across the majority of sports, save for athletics, basketball, and tennis.

In New Zealand, soccer emerged as the foremost choice among boys, with nearly a quarter of them engaging in it. Swimming followed suit, albeit with a participation rate approximately half that of soccer, standing at 13%. Cricket, martial arts, tennis, and baseball constituted subsequent choices, with around 10%, 9%, 8%, and 7% of males respectively. Notably, these sports exhibited greater prevalence among males than females. Conversely, male involvement in netball remained negligible, while unspecified sports garnered 18% participation.

Regarding girls’ sports, netball emerged as the predominant choice, with a quarter of female participants engaging in it. Swimming closely trailed behind, with a participation rate of approximately 23%. Conversely, athletics, martial arts, basketball, tennis, and soccer witnessed significantly lower engagement, accounting for around 5% of females in New Zealand. Particularly noteworthy is the minimal female participation in cricket, with only 1% involvement. Other sports collectively garnered a 10% participation rate.

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này