The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.

The table underneath shows the details in how frequent Brittish people like to donate money to charity base on their age groups in 1990 and 2010. For both years, the amount of people giving money for charity have change a lot.
In 1990, the most popular age range for Brittish people that like giving away money to charity is 36-50 at around 42%. And the lowest is the 18 to 25 with about 15%. The number of people who donate rose at a steady rate until at the age group of 36-50. When next drops down to about 30% at age of 65 and over.
In 2010, the rate of people giving money grew from 5% to 38% then drop back down to 35%. The amount of people who donate at 18-25 is extremely low for the new generation at around 5%.
All considered, most popular age group to donate in 1990 is 36-50 compared to 51-65 in 2010. The rate has slowly dropping over the years.

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Errors and Improvements:

"how frequent" -> "the frequency"
Explanation: "Frequency" is a more precise term for indicating how often something occurs, fitting the context of the essay better than "how frequent."
"Brittish" -> "British"
Explanation: "British" is the correct spelling for referring to people or things related to the United Kingdom. The incorrect spelling detracts from the professionalism of the essay.
"base on" -> "based on"
Explanation: "Based on" is the correct prepositional phrase to use when indicating the foundation or source of information. "Base on" is grammatically incorrect.
"have change" -> "have changed"
Explanation: "Have changed" is the correct verb form to agree with the plural subject "people," while "have change" is grammatically incorrect.
"like giving away money" -> "who donate money"
Explanation: "Like giving away money" is informal and less precise compared to "who donate money," which accurately describes the action of giving money to charity.
"at around" -> "approximately"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more formal and precise term for indicating an estimated value, suitable for academic or analytical writing.
"When next drops down" -> "which then drops"
Explanation: "When next drops down" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Which then drops" provides a smoother transition and clearer indication of the change in donation rates.
"for the new generation" -> "among the younger generation"
Explanation: "For the new generation" is less specific and somewhat vague. "Among the younger generation" specifies the demographic more clearly and concisely.
"All considered" -> "All things considered"
Explanation: "All things considered" is a more idiomatic expression to introduce a conclusion or summary, conveying the idea of taking everything into account.
"slowly dropping" -> "gradually declining"
Explanation: "Slowly dropping" lacks precision and is somewhat colloquial. "Gradually declining" is more formal and accurately describes the trend of decreasing donation rates over time.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by providing information about the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. It presents a basic overview of the data, mentioning the most popular and least popular age ranges for donating in both years. However, the essay lacks clarity and coherence in some areas, and the language use is somewhat informal and imprecise. Additionally, there are inaccuracies in the description of the data, such as stating that the rate of people giving money grew from 5% to 38% in 2010, which is not reflected in the provided data.

How to improve:

Provide a clearer and more structured overview of the data, focusing on presenting the key trends without unnecessary details.
Use formal language and precise terminology to convey the information accurately.
Ensure that all information presented aligns with the provided data, avoiding inaccuracies and unsupported claims.
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance readability and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay presents information regarding the percentage of British people donating to charity based on age groups in 1990 and 2010. It attempts to organize the information by discussing trends across age groups and years. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks a clear overall progression, as it jumps between discussing different age groups and years without smooth transitions. Additionally, there is some organization, but the progression is not consistently clear. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, resulting in disjointed sentences and paragraphs. There is also some repetitive language and lack of referencing, making it challenging for readers to follow the discussion seamlessly.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas. Start by introducing the main trends observed in the data, then systematically discuss each age group and their donation patterns for both years. Use cohesive devices such as transitions and pronouns to connect ideas and ensure smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, avoid repetitive language and ensure proper referencing to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay. Lastly, ensure proper paragraphing to enhance the organization and readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some basic lexical choices and repetitive language. There are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "like" instead of "prefer" or "prefer to donate" which would be more appropriate. Spelling errors and inconsistencies in word formation, such as "Brittish" instead of "British" and "base" instead of "based," are noticeable but do not severely impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, particularly more precise and varied terms to express ideas. Additionally, attention should be given to accurate word choice and spelling to enhance clarity and coherence in conveying the message.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some variation in structure. There is an effort to convey information with a mixture of sentence lengths. However, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay, such as missing articles ("the") and inconsistent verb tense usage ("rose" instead of "rises" in the present tense). Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing and word choice.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on sentence structure variety by incorporating a wider range of complex sentence forms. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper article usage. Also, revise for clarity and coherence, ensuring that each sentence effectively communicates its intended meaning. Finally, proofread the essay carefully to correct punctuation errors and enhance overall readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the percentage of British individuals contributing to charitable causes categorized by age groups for the years 1990 and 2010.

In 1990, the most prevalent age group among British citizens who donated to charity was 36-50, constituting approximately 42% of the population. Conversely, the lowest participation rate was observed among individuals aged 18 to 25, accounting for around 15%. The proportion of charitable donors steadily increased until the 36-50 age bracket, where it peaked at approximately 42%, before experiencing a decline to approximately 30% among those aged 65 and above.

By 2010, there was a notable shift in donation patterns, with the percentage of contributors rising from 5% to 38%, before slightly decreasing to 35%. Notably, the younger demographic of 18-25 exhibited a significantly lower participation rate, with only around 5% of individuals contributing to charity.

Overall, the most favored age group for charitable donations in 1990 was 36-50, whereas in 2010, the 51-65 age group emerged as the most prominent contributors. It is evident that there has been a gradual decline in the donation rates over the years.