The chart below shows the average cost of monthly contract for four different mobile (cell phone) in a European country from January to September 2002, measured in euro

The line chart demonstrates the average cost of every month (in euro) contract for four different cell phones namely Domo, Lex, Sim TX and Alpha of a country in European over the period of 9 months starting in January in 2002.
Overall, it can be seen that there was a considerable change of the monthly average cost in all four categories over the period. Furthermore, the average cost of monthly contract for Domo, Lex and Alpha increased significantly while the opposite was true for Sim TX.
In January, the average amount of money spent on Domo stood at 15 euros, which was higher than that of Sim TX with about 9 euros. Over the following 7 months, the average cost of Domo peaked at 25 euros before having slightly decreased to about 21 euros in September. The average of money spent on Sim TX hit the highest point with about 14 euros in June. After 3 months, the figure was a significant fall to 8 euros.
In terms of the average cost of the Alpha, only 5 euros was spent on Alpha in January, which was lowest in all four categories. By September, the figure was ranked first with 25 euros. In January, the average amount of spent on Lex stood at 12 euros. Over the following 9 months, the figure was a steady growth to 17 euros.

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Errors and Improvements:

"average cost of every month" -> "average monthly cost"
Explanation: "Average monthly cost" is a more concise and natural way to express the idea of cost per month without repetition.
"country in European" -> "European country"
Explanation: "European country" correctly describes the location, whereas "country in European" is grammatically incorrect.
"considerable change of the monthly average cost" -> "significant fluctuation in the average monthly cost"
Explanation: "Fluctuation" conveys the idea of change more precisely than "change," and "significant" adds emphasis to the magnitude of the change.
"average cost of monthly contract" -> "monthly contract average cost"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "monthly contract average cost" improves clarity and adheres to conventional word order.
"the opposite was true" -> "conversely"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more concise and sophisticated way to indicate a contrast between two situations.
"stood at 15 euros" -> "was 15 euros"
Explanation: Using "was" instead of "stood at" simplifies the expression without losing meaning.
"the average of money spent" -> "the average amount spent"
Explanation: "Amount spent" is more idiomatic and concise than "average of money spent."
"the figure was a significant fall" -> "there was a significant decrease"
Explanation: "Decrease" is a clearer and more direct term for the decline in the figure.
"the figure was ranked first with 25 euros" -> "the figure reached 25 euros, ranking highest"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity by clearly indicating the highest value.
"the average amount of spent on Lex stood at 12 euros" -> "the average amount spent on Lex was 12 euros"
Explanation: "The average amount spent on Lex was 12 euros" is a grammatically correct and clearer expression of the idea.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the line chart, describing the changes in the average monthly contract cost for four different cell phone brands over a nine-month period in 2002. The key features, such as the fluctuations in costs for each brand over time, are highlighted, albeit with some inaccuracies and lack of detail in places.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more precise and accurate descriptions of the data trends. Additionally, it could extend the analysis by exploring possible reasons for the observed changes in costs or comparing the trends across the different brands more thoroughly. Moreover, ensuring coherence and cohesion in the presentation of information would enhance clarity and understanding for the reader.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

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Band Score**: 6.0

Band Score: 7
**Band Score: 6.0

**Band Score: 7
Explanation:Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essayBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: TheBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logicallyBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essayBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arrBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizesBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arrangesBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes informationBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges informationBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideasBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent mannerBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas,Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, withBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progressionBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introductionBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughoutBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, bodyBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout.Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphsBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. ThereBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phoneBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is aBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s costBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a rangeBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost,Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range ofBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, andBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devicesBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and aBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices usedBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusionBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriatelyBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately,Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizingBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, althoughBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends.Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although thereBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progressionBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could beBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression ofBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minorBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of informationBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances ofBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information isBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of underBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clearBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under-Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, movingBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving fromBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuseBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from aBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraphBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive useBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use ofBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use ofBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devicesBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases likeBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. PayBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention toBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "averageBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitionsBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average costBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintainBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost"Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain aBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" andBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smoothBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "overBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. ConsiderBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following."Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentenceBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." ParagraphBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structuresBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing isBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to addBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing is usedBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richnessBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing is used,Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness toBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing is used, butBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to theBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing is used, but notBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the textBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing is used, but not consistentlyBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text andBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing is used, but not consistently or logicallyBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoidBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing is used, but not consistently or logically throughoutBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitiveBand Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each phone’s cost, and a conclusion summarizing trends. The progression of information is clear, moving from a general overview to specific details about each phone’s costs over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive use of phrases like "average cost" and "over the following." Paragraphing is used, but not consistently or logically throughout the essayBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phBand Score: 6.0

HowBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasingBand Score**: 6.0

How toBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasing. AdditionallyBand Score**: 6.0

How to improveBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasing. Additionally, refine paragraphBand Score**: 6.0

How to improve:Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasing. Additionally, refine paragraphingBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: ToBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasing. Additionally, refine paragraphing toBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To enhanceBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasing. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensureBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To enhance coherenceBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasing. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure logical organization andBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesionBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasing. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure logical organization and progression ofBand Score: 6.0

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensureBand Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there could be some minor instances of under- or overuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures to add richness to the text and avoid repetitive phrasing. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure logical organization and progression of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, including terms like "line chart," "average cost," "monthly contract," and specific mobile phone names. However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety, such as the frequent repetition of "average cost" and "euros." Some errors in word choice are evident, such as "every month" instead of "monthly" and "a country in European" instead of "a European country." Additionally, there are occasional errors in word formation and spelling, as seen in "amount of money spent on Domo stood at" (awkward phrasing) and "average of money spent on Sim TX" (should be "average money spent on Sim TX").

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim for more diverse and precise vocabulary related to the topic. They could vary their word choices by using synonyms or alternative phrases. Additionally, attention to word formation and spelling is necessary to enhance clarity and precision in conveying ideas. Reviewing the essay for awkward phrasings and correcting them would also enhance the overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some variety in structures. The essay attempts to convey information about the average cost of monthly contracts for four different cell phones over a nine-month period. There is a clear attempt to use complex sentences, such as "Furthermore, the average cost of monthly contract for Domo, Lex and Alpha increased significantly while the opposite was true for Sim TX." However, there are also instances of simpler sentences throughout the essay. Some sentences are clear and error-free, while others contain grammatical errors that do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, aim for more consistent use of complex sentence structures throughout the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation to ensure clarity and accuracy. Review and revise sentences for grammatical errors to enhance overall fluency and coherence. Additionally, strive to vary sentence structures further to add complexity and sophistication to the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates the average monthly contract costs (in euros) for four distinct cell phone models—Domo, Lex, Sim TX, and Alpha—in a European country over a nine-month period commencing in January 2002.

Overall, there were notable fluctuations in the monthly average costs across all four categories during the observation period. Specifically, the average costs for Domo, Lex, and Alpha experienced substantial increases, while Sim TX witnessed a contrasting decline.

In January, the average expenditure on a Domo contract stood at €15, surpassing that of Sim TX by approximately €6. Over the subsequent seven months, the average cost for Domo peaked at €25 before marginally decreasing to around €21 by September. Conversely, the average expenditure for Sim TX reached its zenith in June at approximately €14, followed by a significant drop to €8 after three months.

Regarding Alpha, merely €5 was expended on its contract in January, marking the lowest among the four categories. However, by September, the average monthly cost for Alpha had surged to €25, securing the highest position. Initially priced at €12 in January, the average expenditure on a Lex contract demonstrated a steady ascent over the ensuing nine months, reaching €17 by the end of the observation period.