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The chart below shows the changes in the percentage of households with cars in one European country between 1971 and 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the changes in the percentage of households with cars in one European country between 1971 and 2001.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given chart provides a comparison of alterations in the proportion of private cars in a certain European country between 1971 and 2001.

Overall, upon analyzing the data, it is evident that the figure for car ownership witnessed some fluctuations. The statistics of one car and two cars showed upward trends, whereas a reverse pattern could be observed in the figure for no car. Additionally, no car households were dominant in the first 20 years; however, the top belonged to single-car households at the end of the surveyed period.

In 1971, families without car accounted for the highest proportion, at roughly a half, followed by one and two cars households with just over a third and.around 17% in turn. By 1981, the figures represented for the percentage of households with no and one car experienced a substantial dip to 41% and 32%, respectively. Conversely, there was a dramatic rise of approximately 10% observed in those with two cars, which then narrowed down the gap among three categories.

Over the next 20 years, the figure for no car slumped to 30% and maintained a constant state. It was in 1991 that the figure for single-car owners reached a peak of 50% (,prior to) before undergoing a pronounced decline by 7% in 2001.That of two cars nosedived to 20% and then bounced back to approximately 30% in the final year.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "the figure for car ownership witnessed some fluctuations" -> "the rate of car ownership exhibited fluctuations"
    Explanation: Replacing "figure for car ownership" with "rate of car ownership" offers a more precise description, aligning with statistical terminology.
  2. "showed upward trends" -> "exhibited upward trends"
    Explanation: "exhibited" is a more formal and sophisticated term compared to "showed."
  3. "whereas a reverse pattern could be observed in the figure for no car" -> "while a contrasting pattern emerged in the category of households without cars"
    Explanation: The phrase "a reverse pattern" lacks clarity and precision. "Contrasting pattern" better conveys the idea of opposite trends.
  4. "no car households" -> "carless households"
    Explanation: "Carless" is a more concise and formal term than "no car."
  5. "dominant" -> "prevalent"
    Explanation: "Prevalent" conveys a stronger sense of being widespread and is more suitable for formal writing than "dominant."
  6. "the figures represented for the percentage" -> "the figures represented the percentage"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. Simplifying it enhances readability.
  7. "experienced a substantial dip" -> "experienced a significant decline"
    Explanation: "Significant decline" is more precise and formal than "substantial dip."
  8. "there was a dramatic rise of approximately 10% observed in those with two cars" -> "a dramatic increase of approximately 10% was observed in households owning two cars"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence clarifies the subject and object, improving readability.
  9. "Over the next 20 years" -> "During the subsequent two decades"
    Explanation: "During the subsequent two decades" is more formal and precise than "Over the next 20 years."
  10. "slumped to 30% and maintained a constant state" -> "declined to 30% and remained stable"
    Explanation: "Declined" is a more precise term than "slumped," and "remained stable" is clearer than "maintained a constant state."
  11. "reached a peak of 50% (,prior to) before undergoing a pronounced decline" -> "peaked at 50% before experiencing a pronounced decline"
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure enhances readability, and "experiencing" is more appropriate than "undergoing" in this context.
  12. "That of two cars nosedived to 20% and then bounced back to approximately 30% in the final year." -> "The percentage of households owning two cars plummeted to 20% before rebounding to approximately 30% in the final year."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and readability, and "plummeted" is a stronger term than "nosedived."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the provided chart. It presents a clear overview of the trends in car ownership over the given period, including the fluctuations in the proportions of households with different numbers of cars. Key features such as the initial dominance of households without cars, the subsequent rise in single-car households, and the fluctuations in two-car households are highlighted and presented appropriately.

How to improve:
To further improve the response and potentially reach a higher band score, consider providing more specific data points from the chart to support the summary. Additionally, ensure that the language used is consistently clear and precise throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, facilitating coherence and cohesion. The introduction provides a concise overview of the data and the main trends. The body paragraphs present a chronological analysis of the changes, effectively summarizing the information presented in the chart. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, cohesive devices such as pronouns and transition words are used appropriately, contributing to the overall cohesion of the essay.

How to improve: To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring consistent paragraphing throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure to avoid any potential ambiguity or confusion in meaning. Overall, maintaining the current level of organization while incorporating more varied cohesive devices would enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. It uses a mix of common and less common lexical items, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expression. There is awareness of style and collocation, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present but do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To further improve the Lexical Resource score:

  • Aim for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the richness of expression.
  • Pay close attention to word choice and accuracy to minimize errors.
  • Continuously expand vocabulary through reading diverse materials and practicing writing tasks regularly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. It utilizes a variety of complex structures, showcasing the ability to convey information effectively. The essay effectively summarizes the provided chart and makes relevant comparisons. However, there are some minor errors and awkward phrasings that slightly affect the overall fluency and coherence.

How to improve:
To improve, focus on refining the sentence structures for greater clarity and precision. Pay attention to minor errors such as punctuation inconsistencies and awkward phrasing to enhance overall fluency and coherence. Additionally, ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart illustrates changes in the proportion of private car ownership in a particular European country over the span of three decades from 1971 to 2001.

Overall, it is evident that there were fluctuations in the ownership of cars during the period under consideration. Specifically, the percentages of households with one or two cars exhibited upward trends, while the proportion of households without cars demonstrated a reverse pattern. Notably, households without cars were predominant in the initial years, but by the end of the surveyed period, single-car households had become the most prevalent.

In 1971, households without cars constituted approximately half of the total, followed by one-car households with just over a third, and two-car households at around 17%. By 1981, there was a significant decline in the percentages of households without cars and those with one car, which fell to 41% and 32%, respectively. Conversely, there was a substantial increase of around 10% in households with two cars during this period, narrowing the gap among the three categories.

In the subsequent two decades, the percentage of households without cars decreased to 30% and remained stable. In 1991, the proportion of single-car owners peaked at 50% before experiencing a notable decline of 7% by 2001. Meanwhile, the percentage of households with two cars decreased to 20% before rebounding to approximately 30% in the final year.

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