fbpx

The chart below shows the changes in the percentage of households with cars in one European country between 1971 and 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. 18/5/2024

The chart below shows the changes in the percentage of households with cars in one European country between 1971 and 2001.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
18/5/2024

The given bar chart illustrates how the proportion of car ownership in one European nation changed over a period of 30 years, divided into three categories by quantity of car.

It is clear from the chart that there was a significant fluctuation in most categories, except for the downward trend in the percentage of households without car ownership. Moreover, fewer households owned two cars than to have one car or no car during 33 years.

The year 1971 witnessed the highest percentage of households without having a car, which reached a peak at 50%. However, the figure for this type dramatically dropped to 40% and to below 30% in 1991, followed by a marginal fall at the end of the period that was fewer than other remaining categories.

On the other hand, there was a fluctuation made for the number of households using one or two cars during this period. In 1981, the proportion of two car owners significantly increased to above 25%, while the figure for households owning one car declined by 5%. However, half of households in this nation used one car in 1991, reaching the highest point in the entire period. At the end of the period, the figure of this category still remained at the top despite falling to over 40%, whereas 30% households owned two cars, which was slightly larger than that of people without car ownership.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "changed over a period of 30 years" -> "evolved over a 30-year period"
    Explanation: "Changed" is quite generic; "evolved" conveys a sense of development over time more precisely, and using "a 30-year period" instead of "30 years" enhances conciseness and formality.

  2. "except for the downward trend" -> "except for the decline"
    Explanation: "Downward trend" is redundant since "trend" implies direction already; "decline" is a more succinct term.

  3. "fewer households owned two cars than to have one car" -> "fewer households possessed two cars compared to those with one car"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. "Possessed" is a more formal and precise alternative to "owned."

  4. "witnessed the highest percentage of households without having a car" -> "saw the highest percentage of carless households"
    Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the expression by using "carless households" instead of "households without having a car."

  5. "dramatically dropped" -> "significantly decreased"
    Explanation: "Dropped" is somewhat informal; "significantly decreased" maintains formality and precision.

  6. "the figure for this type" -> "the percentage for this category"
    Explanation: "Figure" is somewhat vague; "percentage" clarifies the data being discussed.

  7. "fluctuation made for the number" -> "variation occurred in the number"
    Explanation: "Fluctuation made for" is awkward; "variation occurred in" is a more natural and formal construction.

  8. "significantly increased to above 25%" -> "rose significantly to surpass 25%"
    Explanation: Adds specificity and clarity to the extent of the increase.

  9. "reaching the highest point in the entire period" -> "peaking at the highest point throughout the period"
    Explanation: Enhances precision and clarity by specifying that the peak occurred throughout the period.

  10. "the figure of this category" -> "the percentage within this category"
    Explanation: "Figure" is vague; "percentage" clarifies the type of data being discussed.

  11. "slightly larger than that of people" -> "marginally greater than that of households"
    Explanation: "Slightly larger than that of people" is imprecise and unclear; "marginally greater than that of households" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the provided bar chart showing changes in the percentage of households with cars in a European country from 1971 to 2001. It presents an overview of the fluctuations in car ownership over the period, highlighting the peak and decline in the percentage of households without cars and the fluctuations in households owning one or two cars. Key features are identified and highlighted, such as the peak in households without cars in 1971, the fluctuations in households owning one or two cars over the period, and the marginal decline in households without cars at the end of the period. However, there are instances of irrelevant information, such as the mention of specific years like 1981 and 1991 without clear relevance to the overall trend. Additionally, the essay could provide a more extended explanation of the key features and trends identified.

How to improve:

  1. Focus on providing a more concise overview of the main trends without unnecessary details about specific years unless directly relevant to the overall trend.
  2. Ensure that all information presented directly contributes to the understanding of the changes in car ownership percentages over the period.
  3. Extend the analysis of key features and trends to provide a more comprehensive and detailed summary.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information coherently, with a clear overall progression from discussing the fluctuations in car ownership categories over the given period. The introduction provides a concise overview of the data and sets the stage for the subsequent analysis. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs, although there are some instances where cohesion may be mechanical or faulty. For instance, transitions between sentences could be smoother to enhance coherence. Additionally, the essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, aiding in overall clarity and organization. However, there are areas where improvements can be made, particularly in the use of referencing and paragraphing. Some information lacks clear referencing, which could lead to confusion for the reader. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphing, it may not always be logically structured, leading to minor disruptions in the flow of ideas.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure seamless connections between ideas and paragraphs. Work on incorporating clearer referencing to avoid ambiguity and enhance the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure to ensure logical progression and cohesion throughout the response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, though some inaccuracies and repetitions occur. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but with some inaccuracy. Errors in word choice and word formation are noticeable but do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score:

  • Work on using a wider range of vocabulary more consistently.
  • Use less common vocabulary and collocations more accurately.
  • Proofread to minimize errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.

This essay provides a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey meaning, but there is room for improvement in the accuracy and variety of lexical items used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating a variety of structures. There are instances of complex sentences such as "However, fewer households owned two cars than to have one car or no car during 33 years" and "Moreover, fewer households owned two cars than to have one car or no car during 33 years." However, there are also simpler constructions like "It is clear from the chart that there was a significant fluctuation in most categories." While there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout, they rarely obstruct understanding. The essay communicates the main features of the data effectively, though there are some clarity issues due to sentence structure and phrasing.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for more consistent use of complex structures and vary the sentence length and complexity to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and refine punctuation would improve clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the changes in the proportion of car ownership within a single European country over a 30-year span, categorized by the quantity of cars per household.

Evidently, there were notable fluctuations across most categories, with the exception of a consistent decline in the percentage of households devoid of car ownership. Notably, fewer households possessed two cars compared to those with one car or none throughout the 33-year period.

In 1971, the proportion of households lacking a car peaked at 50%, marking the highest point within the timeframe. However, this percentage experienced a sharp decrease to 40% by 1991, further dropping to below 30% thereafter, with a marginal decline toward the conclusion of the period, although less pronounced compared to other categories.

Conversely, there were oscillations observed in the numbers of households owning one or two cars over the same period. In 1981, the percentage of households owning two cars notably surged to above 25%, while those possessing a single car decreased by 5%. By 1991, half of the households in this nation owned a single car, representing the peak within the entire period. Toward the end of the timeframe, this percentage remained the highest, albeit diminishing to over 40%, while approximately 30% of households possessed two cars, slightly surpassing the percentage of car-less households.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này