The chart below shows the number of households in the US by their annual income in 2007, 2011 and 2015.
The chart below shows the number of households in the US by their annual income in 2007, 2011 and 2015.
The graph gives information about how many households in each measure of yearly earnings in 2007.
Overall, the number of families with annual income being $75.000-$99.999 accounted for the least in all three timelines.
There were approximate 30 families that earned annually $100.000 or more in 2007. Before increasing significantly by around 7, the quantity of highest income families fell to about 27 in 2015. The number of households earning yearly less than $25.000 or $25.000-$49.999 started with 25 and just over 25 respectively in 2007. While the latter generally increased to about 28, followed by the formal with just lower figure.
Jut over 20 was the figure for the number of households having $50.000-$74.999 yearly income in 2007 that remained unchanged in other timelines. With below 15 families, $75.000-$99.999 had the lowest quantity of households in 2007 and it climb to 15 after witnessing a slight decrease in 2011.
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Errors and Improvements:
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"how many households in each measure of yearly earnings" -> "the distribution of households across different income brackets annually"
Explanation: "Measure of yearly earnings" is somewhat awkward and imprecise. "Distribution of households across different income brackets annually" provides a clearer and more formal description. -
"the number of families with annual income being $75.000-$99.999" -> "the number of households with annual incomes ranging from $75,000 to $99,999"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and precision. By specifying the income range and using "households" instead of "families," the sentence becomes more concise and accurate. -
"There were approximate 30 families that earned annually $100.000 or more" -> "Approximately 30 households earned an annual income of $100,000 or more"
Explanation: Correcting the grammar and specifying "households" instead of "families" improves clarity and accuracy. -
"Before increasing significantly by around 7" -> "Before experiencing a significant increase of around 7"
Explanation: Adding "experiencing" clarifies the action being described, and "increase" is more precise than "increasing significantly." -
"the quantity of highest income families" -> "the number of households with the highest income"
Explanation: "Quantity" is less precise than "number," and "highest income families" could be more accurately described as "households with the highest income." -
"earning yearly less than $25.000 or $25.000-$49.999" -> "earning annually less than $25,000 or between $25,000 and $49,999"
Explanation: Replacing "yearly" with "annually" and using "between" instead of "or" improves clarity and consistency in describing income brackets. -
"While the latter generally increased to about 28, followed by the formal with just lower figure" -> "The latter generally increased to about 28, followed by the former with a slightly lower figure"
Explanation: Clarifying "latter" and "former" improves coherence, and "a slightly lower figure" is more precise than "just lower figure." -
"Jut over 20 was the figure for the number of households having $50.000-$74.999 yearly income" -> "Just over 20 households had an annual income between $50,000 and $74,999"
Explanation: Replacing "jut" with "just" corrects the spelling error, and restructuring the sentence for clarity and consistency improves readability. -
"remained unchanged in other timelines" -> "remained consistent throughout the other years"
Explanation: "Timelines" is less precise than "years," and "consistent throughout" is a clearer way to express the lack of change. -
"it climb to 15" -> "it climbed to 15"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense to "climbed" maintains grammatical accuracy.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the household incomes in the US across three different years. The main trends are highlighted, such as the decrease in households earning $100,000 or more from 2007 to 2015 and the slight increase in households earning $25,000-$49,999. Key features are presented, but the details may be inaccurate or unclear at times.
How to improve: To improve, ensure accurate and clear presentation of data. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and coherence in writing to enhance clarity. Additionally, provide more specific and precise details where necessary to support the overview.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
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Band Score: 4
Explanation:
The essay presents information and ideas but lacks a clear and coherent arrangement. There is some progression in the response, but the overall structure is somewhat confusing. While cohesive devices are used, they are often inaccurate or repetitive. The paragraphing is not well-organized, contributing to the lack of clarity and coherence.
How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the following steps could be taken:
- Organization: Ensure that the information is logically organized. Consider using a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps create a clear progression of ideas.
- Paragraphing: Separate ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear central topic. This will help improve the logical flow and prevent confusion.
- Cohesive devices: Use cohesive devices such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transitions correctly to connect sentences and paragraphs. Avoid overusing or misusing them.
- Clarity: Rewrite sections that are unclear or confusing. Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall progression of the essay.
Following these suggestions can help improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, leading to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with some repetition and minor errors. There is an attempt to convey information, but the vocabulary used is limited and lacks variety. The essay relies on basic vocabulary related to numbers, such as "families," "earnings," and "households," but lacks sophistication in lexical choice and expression. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "formal" instead of "former" and "jut" instead of "just." These errors, while not severely distorting the message, contribute to a lack of clarity and precision.
How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding vocabulary to convey information more effectively. Use a wider range of vocabulary, including synonyms and more precise terms where appropriate. Pay attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation to avoid errors that can impact the clarity and accuracy of the message. Additionally, aim for more varied sentence structures to enhance fluency and coherence.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, such as "Overall, the number of families with annual income being $75.000-$99.999 accounted for the least in all three timelines" and "Before increasing significantly by around 7, the quantity of highest income families fell to about 27 in 2015." However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, such as "Jut" instead of "Just," missing articles ("a" or "the"), and inconsistent use of verb tenses ("the latter generally increased to about 28, followed by the formal with just lower figure"). These errors, while not severely impacting communication, do affect the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a variety of sentence structures consistently. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring proper word choice ("formal" instead of "former") will also enhance the quality of writing. Consider using complex sentences more deliberately and accurately to showcase a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided graph illustrates the distribution of households in the United States based on their annual income in the years 2007, 2011, and 2015.
In 2007, approximately 30 households earned $100,000 or more annually. However, by 2015, this figure experienced a slight decline to about 27 households. Conversely, households with annual incomes ranging from $75,000 to $99,999 constituted the smallest proportion across all three years.
Initially, there were approximately 25 households earning less than $25,000 annually and just over 25 households earning between $25,000 and $49,999 in 2007. Over the following years, the latter category saw a modest increase to about 28 households, whereas the former experienced a slight decrease.
The number of households with annual incomes between $50,000 and $74,999 remained consistent at just over 20 households throughout the observed period. Conversely, households earning between $75,000 and $99,999 experienced a slight decrease in 2011 before climbing back to 15 households in 2015, following a fluctuation in numbers.
Overall, the data illustrates varying trends in household incomes across the specified income brackets over the examined years.
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