The chart below shows the numbers of three types of visitors to a museum between 1997 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the numbers of three types of visitors to a museum between 1997 and 2012.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given bar chart illustrates how many visitors of three distinct groups went to a museum from 1997 to 2012.
Overall, the year 2007 recorded the largest number of people going to the museum compared to any other year. Additionally, adult visitors retained the majority share over the surveyed time period, while the opposite was true for the special exhibition guests.
In terms of people categorized into two age groups, the quantity of adults paying a visit to a museum amounted to 300,100 at the outset, culminating to 400,500, before dropping to 380,000 at the end of the period. On the other hand, the number of minor visitors commenced at 120,000 in 1997, two times lower than that of adult individuals. Notably, a consistent downward trend could be seen in the figure for this age group, concluding at 82,300 in 2012.
As for the exclusive exhibition guests to the museum, this type of visitors was only 28,000 in 1997. Notwithstanding the small number of people, its figure witnessed a steady increasing trend over the time frame, eventually ending at 42,000 in the end.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "distinct groups" -> "distinct categories"
   Explanation: "Categories" is more precise and formal in the context of demographic divisions such as age groups or visitor types.

2. "largest number of people going to the museum" -> "peak attendance"
   Explanation: "Peak attendance" is a more sophisticated way to refer to the highest number of visitors during a specific period, enhancing clarity and precision.

3. "retained the majority share" -> "dominated"
   Explanation: "Dominate" conveys a stronger sense of control or prevalence, fitting better in formal contexts to describe one group having a larger portion consistently over time.

4. "quantity of adults" -> "number of adult visitors"
   Explanation: "Number of adult visitors" is a clearer and more precise phrase to describe the count of adults visiting the museum.

5. "commenced at 120,000" -> "began at 120,000"
   Explanation: "Began" is a simpler and more direct verb choice in this context, maintaining clarity and formality.

6. "concluding at 82,300" -> "ending at 82,300"
   Explanation: "Ending" is a more straightforward and appropriate term for concluding the count of visitors at a specific number.

7. "Notwithstanding the small number of people" -> "Despite the relatively low numbers"
   Explanation: "Despite the relatively low numbers" provides a more precise and formal expression to indicate the contrast in visitor figures.

8. "witnessed a steady increasing trend" -> "experienced a steady upward trend"
   Explanation: "Experienced a steady upward trend" is a more formal and precise way to describe continuous growth over time.

9. "eventually ending at 42,000 in the end" -> "eventually reaching 42,000 by the conclusion of the period"
   Explanation: "Reaching 42,000 by the conclusion of the period" is a more formal and structured way to denote the final number of visitors in a specific timeframe.

By implementing these improvements, the essay will maintain a more formal tone and precision in describing the data presented in the bar chart.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the given bar chart depicting visitor numbers to a museum from 1997 to 2012. It provides a clear overview of the trends for adult visitors, minor visitors, and special exhibition guests, highlighting key points such as peak years and overall trends. The information is presented in a structured manner, making it easy to understand.
How to improve: To further improve, the essay could extend the analysis by providing more detailed comparisons between the different visitor groups and by ensuring that all details provided are accurate and relevant.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. It starts with an overview of the main trends and then delves into specific details about each group of visitors. The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion. Additionally, cohesive devices like transition words are used appropriately to connect sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the data presented.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion further, ensure that the relationship between sentences within paragraphs is more seamless. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the data and transitions smoothly to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, incorporating terms such as "illustrates," "distinct," "retained," "culminating," "commenced," "concluding," and "witnessed." Attempts to use less common vocabulary are made with phrases like "exclusive exhibition guests." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "culminating to" instead of "culminating in." Some errors in spelling and word formation are present, like "two times lower" should be "twice as low." These errors do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for more varied and precise vocabulary choices. Ensure accurate word choice and collocation, and pay attention to spelling and word formation. Additionally, aim for a smoother flow of language to convey ideas more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex constructions such as "The given bar chart illustrates…" and "Notwithstanding the small number of people, its figure witnessed…". The writer effectively uses conjunctions and transitional phrases to connect ideas, enhancing coherence. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as the missing article in "culminating to 400,500" (should be "culminating in 400,500") and the awkward phrasing in "concluding at 82,300 in 2012" (could be improved for clarity).

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy further, pay attention to article usage and phrasing. For instance, instead of "culminating to 400,500", it could be rephrased as "reaching 400,500". Additionally, ensure that complex constructions are clear and concise to avoid confusion for the reader. Overall, maintaining consistency in grammatical accuracy while incorporating a wide range of structures will strengthen the essay’s effectiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the visitor counts across three distinct categories to a museum spanning the years from 1997 to 2012.

In general, 2007 stood out as the year with the highest attendance, surpassing all other years. Furthermore, adult visitors consistently comprised the predominant demographic throughout the surveyed duration, whereas special exhibition attendees displayed an inverse trend.

Regarding the delineation between two age brackets, the tally of adult museum-goers initiated at 300,100 in 1997, peaking at 400,500, before subsiding to 380,000 by the conclusion of the period. Conversely, the count of minor visitors commenced at 120,000 in 1997, constituting half the number of adult visitors. Notably, a consistent downward trajectory was observed in this age cohort, concluding at 82,300 by 2012.

Regarding exclusive exhibition attendees, their number was initially 28,000 in 1997. Despite the initial modest figure, a steady upward trend was witnessed over the entire timeframe, culminating at 42,000 by the end.