The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company's total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The bar chart provides information about the portion of a medical company’s sales in three different continents Asia, Europe and America over a period of 4-years, commencing from 2002.

Overall, what stands out from the graph is a sharp increase in the Asia statistics, whereas two other figures saw a downward trend during the time shown. As a result, the graph experienced a considerable change in ranking between those areas.

In 2002, America held the leading position with almost a half of the total quantity while Asia only comprised a quarter, with Europe constituted approximately one-third percentage. However, in the next two-years, Asia’s figure witnessed a shoot up in which the portion of this zone took up to 35%, more than tenth percent compared to the first year. On the other hand, Europe’s data marginally grew and peaked at nearly a fourth in 2004. In contrast to the remainings, the numbers of America underwent a plummet and hit a trough at 27% in the whole sales.

Despite falling sharply, America’s statistics soonly recovered in 2005 and 2006 with a humbling data around 30%. The percentage of company’s trading in Europe declined and ended up with the same portion as America in 2006. Surpassing other regions, the East continuingly go up and hit a record-high of 40% of the stock in the last category.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "a sharp increase in the Asia statistics" -> "a significant surge in Asian sales figures"
   Explanation: "Asia statistics" is awkward and lacks specificity. "Asian sales figures" is more precise and formal, providing clarity and improving the flow of the sentence.

2. "whereas two other figures saw a downward trend during the time shown" -> "while the figures for the other two continents experienced a decline over the period depicted"
   Explanation: "saw a downward trend" is colloquial. Replacing it with "experienced a decline" maintains formality. "During the time shown" is vague; "over the period depicted" is more precise.

3. "took up to 35%" -> "rose to 35%"
   Explanation: "took up" is informal; "rose to" is a more formal and precise alternative in the context of describing an increase.

4. "more than tenth percent" -> "more than ten percentage points"
   Explanation: "tenth percent" is unclear. "More than ten percentage points" provides a clearer and more precise description of the increase.

5. "marginally grew and peaked" -> "experienced marginal growth and reached a peak"
   Explanation: "marginally grew" is somewhat redundant. "Experienced marginal growth" is more concise. Adding "reached a peak" enhances clarity and precision.

6. "In contrast to the remainings" -> "In contrast to the other regions"
   Explanation: "Remainings" is not grammatically correct in this context. "Other regions" is a more appropriate term to refer to the continents not previously mentioned.

7. "soonly" -> "soon"
   Explanation: "Soonly" is not a standard word. "Soon" is the correct adverb to use here.

8. "with a humbling data around 30%" -> "with a modest figure of around 30%"
   Explanation: "Humbling data" is awkward and unclear. "Modest figure" is more precise.

9. "the same portion as America" -> "the same share as America"
   Explanation: "Portion" is not the most appropriate term here. "Share" is more commonly used in this context.

10. "Surpassing other regions, the East continuingly go up" -> "Exceeding other regions, Asia continuously rose"
    Explanation: "Surpassing other regions" is a more formal phrasing. "Continuingly go up" is awkward; "continuously rose" is clearer and more concise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features and making relevant comparisons between the regions. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in sales percentages over the specified period. Key features, such as the significant increase in Asia’s sales and the contrasting trends in Europe and America, are highlighted and illustrated appropriately.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detailed comparisons between the regions and ensure that all information presented is relevant to the task. Additionally, enhancing the clarity and coherence of the language used would further strengthen the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently with an overall progression, effectively summarizing the main features of the chart. It demonstrates an understanding of the data trends, such as the sharp increase in Asia’s sales and the downward trends in America and Europe. The essay also uses cohesive devices effectively, though there are occasional instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as in the phrase "with a humbling data around 30%." Paragraphing is mostly logical, although there are some areas where it could be improved for better clarity and organization.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on using cohesive devices more consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas are logically sequenced. Consider revising sentence structures for smoother transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. There is some variety in lexical choice, and the writer makes efforts to convey meaning with different words and phrases. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, which sometimes hinder clarity. For example, "what stands out from the graph is a sharp increase" could be phrased more precisely as "the notable feature of the graph is a significant increase." Additionally, there are occasional errors in word formation and spelling, such as "soonly" instead of "soon" and "trading" instead of "sales." Despite these issues, the essay effectively communicates the main features of the chart and makes relevant comparisons.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise and appropriate vocabulary. Avoid errors in word choice and collocation by carefully selecting terms that accurately convey the intended meaning. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can also enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading diverse materials and practicing writing with a variety of words and phrases can further improve lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating a variety of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, but accuracy issues occasionally arise, impacting clarity. The essay conveys the main features of the chart and makes relevant comparisons, providing a coherent overview of the data.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on ensuring consistency in the use of complex sentence structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence clarity. Additionally, refine punctuation usage to enhance readability and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the sales distribution of a pharmaceutical company across three continents—Asia, Europe, and America—from 2002 to 2006.

Overall, it is evident that Asia experienced a remarkable surge in sales proportion, whereas Europe and America witnessed a decline during the specified period, leading to significant shifts in their rankings.

In 2002, America held the dominant position, accounting for nearly half of the total sales, while Asia comprised only a quarter, and Europe constituted approximately one-third. However, over the next two years, Asia’s sales soared, reaching 35%, a substantial increase compared to the initial year. In contrast, Europe’s sales showed a marginal increase, peaking at nearly a quarter in 2004. Conversely, America’s sales plummeted, hitting a low of 27% of the total sales.

Despite the sharp decline, America’s sales rebounded in 2005 and 2006, stabilizing around 30%. Meanwhile, Europe’s sales continued to decline, ending up at the same proportion as America in 2006. In contrast, Asia’s sales continued to climb, reaching a record high of 40% in the final year, surpassing both Europe and America.

Overall, the data depicts a significant shift in sales distribution over the four-year period, with Asia emerging as the leading region in terms of sales percentage by 2006.