The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The data sources conspicuously communicate the proportion of products sold by medicine companies in three distinct fields which are Asia, Europe, and America from 2002 to 2006.
It is manifest from the graph that the rate of cure company’s total revenue in Asia witnessed an upward tendency. Moreover, there was fluctuation in that number of Europe and America during the same time.
It can be noticeably seen that the ratio of pharmaceutical corporation by America that was 41%, the highest in 2002, has decreased dramatically to 27% in the first two years, prior to having a slight to growth 30% in 2006. Moreover, the data from Europe was on par with the US in this year when it dropped moderately in the later two years, after a reasonable addition from 34% to 38% in nearly a half of a decade.
Furthermore, the percentage of a drug company’s income which had the lowest rate among three others region in 2002, had a significant acceleration from 25% to 40% in all periods. Asia is used to be having larger drug revenue compared to Europe and America in 2006.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The data sources conspicuously communicate" -> "The data sources clearly indicate"
Explanation: The word "conspicuously" is not appropriate in this context as it implies something that is noticeable because of its unusual or striking nature, which is not the intended meaning here. "Clearly indicate" is more precise and academically appropriate for describing the presentation of data.
"cure company’s total revenue" -> "pharmaceutical companies’ total revenue"
Explanation: "Cure company" is vague and incorrect. "Pharmaceutical companies" is the correct term to refer to companies in the pharmaceutical industry, and using the plural form "companies" is necessary to match the plural context of the data.
"witnessed an upward tendency" -> "experienced a rising trend"
Explanation: "Witnessed an upward tendency" is somewhat awkward and less formal. "Experienced a rising trend" is more natural and commonly used in academic writing to describe changes in data.
"there was fluctuation" -> "there was fluctuation"
Explanation: The word "was" is missing before "fluctuation." This is a grammatical error that should be corrected for formal writing.
"noticeably seen" -> "clearly evident"
Explanation: "Noticeably seen" is redundant and informal. "Clearly evident" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic contexts.
"the ratio of pharmaceutical corporation by America" -> "the proportion of pharmaceutical companies in the United States"
Explanation: "Ratio of pharmaceutical corporation by America" is incorrect and unclear. "Proportion of pharmaceutical companies in the United States" is more precise and appropriate for describing data related to the pharmaceutical industry in a specific country.
"dramatically to 27%" -> "dropped dramatically to 27%"
Explanation: "Dramatically to" should be "dropped dramatically to" to correctly convey the decrease in the data.
"slight to growth" -> "slight growth"
Explanation: "Slight to growth" is grammatically incorrect. "Slight growth" is the correct phrase to describe a small increase.
"the data from Europe was on par with the US" -> "the data from Europe was comparable to that from the US"
Explanation: "Was on par with" is somewhat informal and vague. "Was comparable to that from the US" is more precise and formal.
"dropped moderately" -> "decreased moderately"
Explanation: "Dropped" can be too informal for academic writing. "Decreased" is a more formal synonym that fits better in academic contexts.
"reasonable addition" -> "moderate increase"
Explanation: "Reasonable addition" is vague and informal. "Moderate increase" is a more precise and formal term commonly used in academic writing to describe changes in data.
"a significant acceleration" -> "a significant increase"
Explanation: "Acceleration" implies a change in speed or rate, which is not the correct meaning here. "Increase" is the appropriate term to describe growth in data.
"used to be having" -> "was previously"
Explanation: "Used to be having" is awkward and informal. "Was previously" is more concise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. However, the overview is not clear and the essay does not adequately highlight the key features of the data. For example, the essay states that "the rate of cure company’s total revenue in Asia witnessed an upward tendency" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also focuses on details rather than the overall trends in the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also highlight the key features of the data, such as the highest and lowest sales figures for each region. The essay should also avoid using unnecessary vocabulary and focus on presenting the data in a clear and concise manner.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends and make comparisons, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the connections between ideas. Paragraphing is attempted but is not always effective or logical, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth will aid in creating a more cohesive essay. Finally, reviewing the use of referencing and substitution can help avoid repetition and clarify relationships between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "conspicuously," "upward tendency," "fluctuation"), the overall word choice is often imprecise or awkward, which can cause confusion for the reader. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "cure company" instead of "pharmaceutical company," and "to growth" instead of "to grow." These errors may impede communication and clarity. Additionally, the repetitive use of basic vocabulary detracts from the overall effectiveness of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms relevant to the topic. Practicing the use of synonyms and learning uncommon lexical items can help convey meanings more accurately. Additionally, focusing on correct word forms and collocations will improve clarity and reduce errors. Reading high-quality essays or articles on similar topics can also provide exposure to sophisticated vocabulary and phrasing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with some attempts at complex sentences. However, many of these attempts are inaccurate or awkwardly phrased. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and sentence structure, which can cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While some sentences convey information clearly, the overall coherence is affected by these inaccuracies.

How to improve:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct. Practice using subordinate clauses effectively.
Focus on Accuracy: Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to reduce grammatical errors. Proofreading can help identify and correct these mistakes.
Enhance Clarity: Aim for clearer expression of ideas by restructuring awkward phrases. For example, instead of "Asia is used to be having larger drug revenue," consider "Asia had the largest drug revenue."
Practice Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to ensure correct usage, as errors in punctuation can lead to confusion in meaning.

Bài sửa mẫu

The data sources clearly illustrate the proportion of products sold by pharmaceutical companies in three distinct regions: Asia, Europe, and America from 2002 to 2006.

It is evident from the graph that the rate of the drug company’s total revenue in Asia experienced an upward trend. Moreover, there were fluctuations in the figures for Europe and America during the same period.

It can be clearly observed that the percentage of pharmaceutical sales in America, which was 41% in 2002, the highest among the regions, decreased dramatically to 27% in the following two years, before experiencing a slight increase to 30% in 2006. Additionally, the data from Europe was comparable to that of the US in 2006, after a moderate decline in the subsequent two years, following a reasonable increase from 34% to 38% over nearly half a decade.

Furthermore, the percentage of the drug company’s income in Asia, which had the lowest rate among the three regions in 2002, saw a significant rise from 25% to 40% throughout the entire period. Asia had a larger share of drug revenue compared to Europe and America in 2006.