The chart below shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK in 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below illustrates the percentage of teaching staff both genders in six different academic settings in the UK in 2010. Overall the rate of female teachers in lower education levels was higher than male teachers. In contrast, the figure for male teachers in tertiary education accounted for a larger proportion than female teaching staff, except in college.

Firstly, in lower academic levels, the rate of female teachers in primary school and nursery school had a larger than male teachers. Moreover, in the secondary school, the number of male teaching staff went up slightly compared with female teaching staff about 15%.

Secondly, in tertiary education, the rate of male teachers increased substantially. While the proportion of males teaching staff in the private training institute and university was higher, the opposite was true for female staff teaching. The number of female, who working in both schools, was decreased drastically in the same year.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"both genders" -> "both genders"
Explanation: "Both genders" is grammatically correct and appropriate for this context, so no change is needed here.
"academic settings" -> "educational institutions"
Explanation: "Educational institutions" is a more precise and formal term than "academic settings," enhancing the sophistication of the vocabulary.
"In contrast" -> "Conversely"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more precise transition that indicates a shift in focus, adding sophistication to the sentence.
"proportion" -> "percentage"
Explanation: While "proportion" is not incorrect, "percentage" is a more specific term when discussing statistical data, providing clarity and precision.
"went up slightly" -> "experienced a marginal increase"
Explanation: "Experienced a marginal increase" is a more formal and descriptive phrase, enhancing the sophistication of the vocabulary and providing a clearer picture of the change.
"teaching staff" -> "faculty members"
Explanation: "Faculty members" is a more formal and refined term for educators in an academic context, elevating the vocabulary choice.
"working" -> "working"
Explanation: "Working" is grammatically correct in this context, so no change is needed here.
"decreased drastically" -> "drastically decreased"
Explanation: "Drastically decreased" is the preferred word order for emphasis and clarity, maintaining consistency and readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the chart, including comparisons between male and female teachers in different educational settings in the UK in 2010. It provides an overview of the data, mentioning that female teachers outnumber male teachers in lower education levels and vice versa in tertiary education, with a specific mention of college. The essay also highlights key features such as the percentage differences between male and female teachers in primary, nursery, secondary, private training institutes, and universities.

How to improve:
To improve the score, the essay could provide more precise and accurate descriptions of the data. It should avoid vague statements such as "the number of male teaching staff went up slightly compared with female teaching staff about 15%" and provide specific percentage values. Additionally, the essay could enhance coherence and cohesion by organizing the information more clearly, ensuring smoother transitions between points. Furthermore, there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be corrected to enhance clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression. It begins with an introductory statement summarizing the main trends, followed by two body paragraphs discussing each educational level. The progression is logical, moving from lower to higher academic levels. Cohesive devices are used effectively to connect sentences and ideas, although there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as awkward phrasing or unclear relationships between ideas. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as the second paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring a smoother flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Review sentence structure for clarity and coherence, avoiding awkward phrasing or unclear connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear central topic and consider refining the paragraphing to improve logical organization and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "illustrates," "proportion," and "substantially." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary with phrases like "tertiary education" and "private training institute." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "had a larger than male teachers" which should be "had a larger proportion than male teachers." Additionally, some errors in word formation are present, like "the number of female, who working," which should be "the number of female teachers who were working."

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using precise vocabulary and ensuring accurate word choice and collocation. Pay attention to grammar and word formation to enhance clarity and coherence in expression. Additionally, aim to vary sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, utilizing a variety of structures. It effectively communicates the main features of the data, providing comparisons where relevant. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on correcting errors such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, aim for greater precision in sentence structure to reduce ambiguity and improve clarity. Regular practice with sentence construction and proofreading can help refine these skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart presents data regarding the percentage of male and female educators across six distinct educational sectors in the UK during the year 2010. Overall, a higher proportion of female teachers were observed in lower educational levels, whereas male teachers dominated tertiary education settings, except for colleges.

Primarily, in primary and nursery schools, the percentage of female teachers surpassed that of male teachers. Conversely, in secondary schools, there was a slight increase in the number of male teaching staff compared to their female counterparts, constituting approximately 15% more.

Secondarily, within tertiary education, there was a notable rise in the presence of male teachers. While private training institutes and universities exhibited a higher proportion of male teaching staff, the reverse trend was observed for female educators. Furthermore, there was a significant decline in the number of female teachers in both types of institutions during the same year.