The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons hwre relavant.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons hwre relavant.

The pie chart depicts six different things Anthropology graduates of one’s university accomplished after finishing their bachelor degree. Also the Anthropologist’s incomes after five years of employment are displayed in the table.

Overall, it is readily apparent that over half of them hold full-time jobs. Additionally, after five years of working, the majority of anthropology graduates earn more than $75,000.

Based on the pie chart, while 52% of Anthropologists work full-time , just 15% do part-time work in their spare time, whereas a marginally lower number, 12% are jobless. Meanwhile,the proportions of people who have unknown status and people who take part in a full time postgraduate programme are identical, both 8%. Furthermore, only 5% not only have a part-time job but also study for their graduate degrees.

According to the table, both 5% of freelance consultants and government sector employers make between $25,00-49,999 while 15% of them earn $50,000-74,999. However, for the range between 75,000-100,000 freelance consultants account for 40% occupants , but with the government sector the proportion in the range $75,000-99,000 is 30% and $100,000 or more is 50%. Conversely, employees working in private enterprise 10% of individuals will make between $25,000 and $49,999 , while 35% will make between $50,000 and $75,000.This is a higher proportion of persons than in the other two occupations. Nonetheless, there are 5–20% fewer workers earning a salary of $75,000-1000,000 or more.

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The pie chart depicts" -> "The pie chart illustrates"
   Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "depicts" when describing the function of a visual representation like a pie chart in presenting data.

2. "Anthropology graduates of one’s university accomplished" -> "Anthropology graduates of their university achieved"
   Explanation: "Achieved" is more specific and formal than "accomplished" in this context, which is typically used to describe the accomplishment of tasks or goals rather than the outcomes of a degree.

3. "Also the Anthropologist’s incomes" -> "Additionally, the anthropologists’ incomes"
   Explanation: "Additionally" is a more formal conjunction than "also," and "anthropologists’" is the correct plural form to match the subject.

4. "it is readily apparent" -> "it is evident"
   Explanation: "It is evident" is a more concise and formal expression suitable for academic writing, avoiding the colloquial tone of "readily apparent."

5. "just 15% do part-time work" -> "only 15% engage in part-time work"
   Explanation: "Engage in" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "do" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

6. "a marginally lower number" -> "a significantly lower number"
   Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and formal than "marginally" when describing differences in proportions.

7. "people who have unknown status" -> "individuals with unknown status"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "people," and "with" is the correct preposition to use before "unknown status."

8. "people who take part in a full time postgraduate programme" -> "individuals enrolled in a full-time postgraduate program"
   Explanation: "Enrolled in" is more specific and formal than "take part in," and "program" is the standard American English spelling used in academic contexts.

9. "only have a part-time job but also study for their graduate degrees" -> "are employed part-time while pursuing their graduate degrees"
   Explanation: "Are employed part-time while pursuing" is a more concise and formal way to express simultaneous part-time work and graduate studies.

10. "According to the table" -> "As indicated by the table"
    Explanation: "As indicated by" is a more formal and precise phrase than "According to," which is somewhat colloquial in this context.

11. "occupants" -> "employees"
    Explanation: "Occupants" is incorrect here as it refers to people who occupy a place, not employees. "Employees" is the correct term.

12. "employees working in private enterprise 10% of individuals" -> "10% of employees in the private sector"
    Explanation: "10% of employees in the private sector" is clearer and more direct, avoiding the awkward construction of "employees working in private enterprise 10% of individuals."

13. "there are 5–20% fewer workers earning a salary of $75,000-1000,000 or more" -> "there is a 5–20% reduction in the number of workers earning salaries above $75,000"
    Explanation: "There is a 5–20% reduction" is more precise and avoids the awkward and incorrect "5–20% fewer workers earning a salary of $75,000-1000,000 or more."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not make comparisons between the two data sets, as requested in the prompt.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by making comparisons between the pie chart and the table. For example, the essay could compare the proportion of graduates who are employed full-time to the proportion of graduates who earn a salary of $75,000 or more. The essay could also compare the proportion of graduates who are employed in the government sector to the proportion of graduates who earn a salary of $100,000 or more.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data from the pie chart and the table, the connections between the ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between the data points. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some phrases being repetitive or inaccurately used. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, which further detracts from the clarity of the essay.

How to improve:

1. Enhance Logical Flow: Ensure that each paragraph logically leads to the next. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the information presented.
2. Refine Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and sentences. Avoid repetition and ensure that each device used enhances clarity.
3. Improve Paragraph Structure: Clearly define the main idea of each paragraph and ensure that all sentences within a paragraph relate to that idea. This will help in presenting a clear central topic.
4. Clarify Comparisons: When making comparisons, explicitly state the relationships between different data points to improve understanding. For example, clarify how the salaries of different job sectors relate to one another.
5. Proofread for Accuracy: Check for grammatical errors and ensure that numerical data is presented accurately to avoid confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It attempts to use some less common lexical items, such as "freelance consultants" and "postgraduate programme," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the proportions of people who have unknown status" and "the proportion in the range $75,000-99,000." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "bachelor degree" (should be "bachelor’s degree") and "10% of individuals will make between $25,000 and $49,999" (should be "10% of individuals make between $25,000 and $49,999"). These errors do not significantly impede communication but do detract from the overall effectiveness of the vocabulary used.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct word forms and collocations. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and avoiding repetition would elevate the lexical quality of the essay. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective uses of complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the Anthropologist’s incomes" and "5–20% fewer workers earning a salary of $75,000-1000,000 or more" contain inaccuracies that may confuse the reader. Overall, the communication is maintained, but the errors are noticeable.

How to improve:

1. Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve grammatical range. Aim for more varied conjunctions and clauses.
2. Focus on Accuracy: Proofread the essay to eliminate grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct form of nouns (e.g., "Anthropologists" instead of "Anthropologist’s").
3. Clarify Comparisons: Ensure that comparisons are clear and logically structured. Use precise language to describe percentages and avoid ambiguous phrases.
4. Practice with Feedback: Write more essays and seek feedback to identify recurring grammatical issues and work on them systematically.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart depicts six different outcomes for Anthropology graduates from one university after completing their bachelor’s degree. Additionally, the table illustrates the salaries of anthropologists after five years of employment.

Overall, it is readily apparent that over half of the graduates hold full-time jobs. Furthermore, after five years of working, the majority of anthropology graduates earn more than $75,000.

Based on the pie chart, while 52% of anthropologists work full-time, only 15% engage in part-time work, and a marginally lower number, 12%, are unemployed. Meanwhile, the proportions of individuals with an unknown status and those enrolled in a full-time postgraduate program are identical, both at 8%. Moreover, only 5% of graduates have a part-time job while also studying for their graduate degrees.

According to the table, 5% of freelance consultants and government sector employees earn between $25,000 and $49,999, while 15% earn between $50,000 and $74,999. However, in the salary range of $75,000 to $100,000, freelance consultants account for 40% of individuals, whereas in the government sector, 30% earn between $75,000 and $99,999, and 50% earn $100,000 or more. Conversely, among employees in private enterprise, 10% earn between $25,000 and $49,999, while 35% earn between $50,000 and $75,000. This represents a higher proportion than in the other two sectors. Nonetheless, there are 5–20% fewer workers earning salaries of $75,000 to $100,000 or more.